You Stop Telling Me What To Do With My Lactating Boobies and I’ll Do The Same
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My sister-in-law nursed most of her kids until they were almost 4 years old. She had to wean her youngest child due to cancer since the treatment wouldn’t allow it. She recently had a miscarriage, which caused her milk to come in and she is now nursing the previously weaned child who is almost four. She claims it is helping with some ongoing health issues the child has had for the last year (thanks to not immunizing). I am totally weirded out by this. I don’t feel comfortable around it.
I know that breastfeeding is natural and what not, but I really don’t think this situation is! No one else but me and my husband seem to have a problem with this. We are expecting twins next month and are getting lectures from her on how it’s wrong that we aren’t planning to breastfeed the whole time. I want to tell her if she’s trying to convince me, that is DEFINITELY not the way to do it. I have tried to keep my mouth shut about what she’s doing, but the more she criticizes my decision, the more I want to tell her that what she’s doing is sick and wrong!! I mean really, who just starts nursing a 4-year-old child! If she really wants the benefits, couldn’t she at least pump and put it in a glass or something???
Am I wrong to be so grossed out by this? Is there anything I can say to her to get her to respect my decision and to nicely tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with what she’s doing?
Thank you,
Grossed Out
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Dear Grossed Out,
I must first advise everyone to don police riot armor and prepare for bottle feeders to chuck baby bottles at the lactivists, who are retaliating by squirting breast milk into the eyes. These things can turn ugly if you aren’t very careful.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I must say that I am a former breastfeeder, so I tend to side with other breastfeeding women. On the other hand, I was exclusively bottle-fed as a child and turned out to be highly intelligent, not to mention a first-class beauty, so I don’t think bottle-feeding is wrong either.
I’m not going to tell you if you are right or wrong to feel grossed out by your sister-in-law’s extended breastfeeding. What I will tell you is that it’s a waste of your time to keep feeling so, obviously your sister-in-law will continue on as she sees fit. Stop ruminating on it or your babies could be born with forked tails.
I think both you and your sister-in-law need to realize you haven’t lived each other’s lives. She’s been through cancer, had to wean her child in order to help SAVE HER LIFE, lost another child to miscarriage and because of it, suddenly had a second chance to nurse the child she was forced to wean. Can we really say what we would do in that situation? No, not if we’re truly honest with ourselves. I mean, if I had to face my own mortality, I would probably try to breastfeed baby Jesus.
You’re having twins and I don’t know what it’s like to try to exclusively breastfeed two babies. Who am I to judge what you should or shouldn’t do? But my sister-wife Kelcey does know. She began supplementing with formula and her twins are still absolutely gorgeous, happy, and I hear they are already solving polynomial equations.
If you can, find a way to talk with your sister-in-law about respecting each other’s choices, even if you don’t agree with them. If you want her to stop harping on your feeding choices, then you really should stop harping on hers. If this isn’t possible, then grin and bear it when she nurses, or just throw a blanket over your head so you can’t see it. When she tries to lecture you, say something dismissive, such as “Oh, who knows how long we’ll breastfeed, it’s hard to know ahead of time” (this is completely true) or “You can trust us to make the best decision for our twins” and hopefully she’ll take the hint.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
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My Daughter’s Birthday is Making Me Look Bad
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My daughter is turning 7 in a month. She wants to invite several friends to go to a water park near our home. But she wants it to be “girls only.” This means one of her best friends (a boy) won’t be invited.
I’ve tried to convince her that she should just include him but she won’t budge. I don’t want this boy to feel left out plus we are close friends with his parents.This could get awkward really quickly. Should I just force her to include him?
Signed,
Political Correct Polly
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Dear Polly,
You could force your daughter to include him and then when your birthday rolls around, she can force you to celebrate it at American Girl Place with a tea party for all your friends and their overpriced dolls. Not your idea of fun, right?
It’s her birthday. And it only rolls around once a year. And a year to a 7 year-old is like 10 zillion years (unlike our birthdays which seem to come around every 30 minutes). So your daughter has been waiting a very long time for this big day. If at all possible, let her celebrate it HER way.
Who knows why she wants a girls only party? Just accept that kids are sort of insane and you’ll save yourself a lot of energy. Let her have her girls party but tell her to come up with a special way to celebrate her birthday with her friend that’s a boy. Maybe a playdate with birthday cupcakes? Have her think of an idea she likes and will be excited about. All of a sudden she has two birthday celebrations!
As for your friends, just tell them your daughter wants a girls only birthday party, roll your eyes in that my-daughter-is-crazy kind of way and apologize that you can’t include their son. Then suggest a adults dinner out and pick up the alcohol tab. Nothing awkward about buying your friends a few drinks. Unless a swingers scenario follows. In that case, write back. We Mouthy Housewives will help.
Good luck!
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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Pay-For-Party
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m in a moms group and one of the other mothers kindly invites me to their annual summer party. The problem? These people are cheap. Last year they asked everyone to bring their own meat to grill and this year they are asking every adult to pay $5. I mean, I’m cool with bringing a side dish to share, but I think they are being ridiculous. Am I wrong? Should I say something?
Signed,
Potlucks are for Pussies
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Dear Potlucks are for Pussies,
Not a fan of BYOM parties? Neither am I! Of course, that’s mostly because I’m fearful I’ll get into a car crash on the way to the event, thereby causing the five pounds of raw steak I’m holding on my lap to somehow infect my private parts with Mad Cow disease and then I’ll wind up quarantined in Kansas City until the USDA discovers a cure for human udders and debilitating cud addiction.
I know. It’s a wonder I ever leave the house.
Now I assume that everyone reading this knows the three words I’m going to say in response to your question. Ready? Here we go: In this economy…blah, blah, blah…not everyone who wants to host a party can afford to pay for food and drinks for their guests. (Well, not unless they have amazing sponsors like JVC who helped us throw a party so swanky, we didn’t even have to use lame-o drink tickets. All you can swill, baby! That’s how we Housewives roll!)
Anyway, if the ickiness of forking over $10 to cover costs outweighs the joy of socializing with these people, don’t go. You’re certainly under no obligation to attend what you consider to be a tacky affair. (Although I’d strongly advise against saying something to the hostess about her perceived cheapness unless you want some discount potato salad shoved down your skort.)
Next time, offer to host—and pay for—the BBQ all by yourself. This will either show the other moms a better way to throw parties, or make them seethe with resentment because they think you’re showing off by serving cocktail weenies and pickles for 50. Personally, as long as I like those involved, I’m happy to go to any party anyone’s nice enough to ask me to attend.
I mean, as long as I don’t have to carry meat on my lap.
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
24 Comments <-- Click to Comment
So, About This Blogging Thing
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Is there anywhere I can go to learn about Blogging Etiquette and the do’s and don’ts? I’m new to blogging, but I’m rapidly falling in love with it.
Regards,
JENN
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Dear Jenn,
Congratulations on getting bit by the blogging bug! And please say goodbye to whatever free time you had.
The good news is that you are off to a good start by being named Jenn. Because although you don’t have to be a Jennifer to have a blog, it certainly doesn’t hurt.
As for etiquette, there are tons of rules, but unfortunately, they have not yet been codified. Apparently, our government has been too busy with a few wars and the sucky economy. I know. I’m upset, too.
But here are a few good places to start: Scary Mommy and Playgroupie. Both have excellent guides for new bloggers (with some tips that even us seniors can learn from). Other than that, everyone has their own etiquette rules.
Here are my top 5:
1. Don’t blog anything you don’t want the entire world to know.
2. If you write a post inspired by another blogger, link to her. If you’re talking about another blog, link to it. (Unless you’re writing about someone you can’t stand behind their back, like I’ve done, in which case it’s totally fair to say “I’m not linking to her because I don’t want to send traffic her way.”)
3. If you’re compensated for writing a post, disclose it. More about that here.
4. Proofread your posts.
5. Write really interesting/funny/important stuff.
That’s it! Happy blogging!
Sincerely,
Marinka, TMH
9 Comments <-- Click to Comment
Can I Skip Out on My Husband’s Birthday?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband’s birthday is coming up. It’s not a significant birthday and my book club is the same night. I really want to go to the book club because I actually finished the book and loved it. My husband says it’s fine and we’ll celebrate the night before. Is it okay if I go or am I a bad wife?
Signed,
Bookish Betty
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Dear Bookish Betty,
I guess it depends. Is your husband the passive-aggressive type that will tell you, “oh sure, go ahead and do that honey,” and then get angry if you do, because even though he said it was okay to go, if you really loved him, you wouldn’t go?
If he’s that type, don’t go, unless you enjoy passive-aggressive marital merry-go-rounds. It’s not my idea of fun in a marriage. I prefer fun marital games such as, I cook and you do the dishes!
If he’s not the passive-aggressive type, then it’s up to you whether to skip out and go to the book club, or celebrate his birthday on his actual birthday. I think the Golden Rule would apply well in this situation. Would you be hurt? We’re all getting up in there in age and there comes a point when a big celebration for your average odd-numbered birthday just doesn’t matter. It’s one of those things that sort of sucks about being a grown-up: We get death, taxes, and unexciting birthdays in exchange for cursing and alcoholic beverages. Maybe it really doesn’t matter to him.
But before making your decision, I think we should interpret the man-speak that is screaming at me from between the lines. When your husband says, “we’ll celebrate the night before,” you know what that means, right? It means in exchange for skipping out on his actual birthday, you are expected to perform odd and kinky sex tricks the night before. If these tricks involve excessive amounts of lubricant and a morning-after treatment of hemorrhoid cream, I’m of the opinion that no book club is worth it. I don’t care if I made it through the Iliad and could interpret the hexameters so well that it left the book club members not only speechless, but scrambling for a plaque to inscribe my name and greatness in their own poetic hexameters. NO. However something like that may be right up your (ahem) alley, and if so, please seek immediate professional help – none of the Mouthy Housewives have any experience with proctology and would be unable to help you further.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
