Can You Help Me Punk My Boss?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I work at a hotel (in the U.S.) which has brought employees in from a poor European country for the season. The girls are working as housekeepers, earning minimum wage, which is $2 less than what any of the other housekeepers START at. They had to pay for their own flights here, work visas, and they pay all their U.S. taxes. They work 6 days a week, so they are getting overtime, but I still feel like they are totally being taken advantage of. It makes me angry.
My employer doesn’t seem to be doing anything illegal, just something that I think is ICKY. When these girls go back to their homes, they will have enough money saved that they can live off it for 6 months (going to University) without working, so that’s good for them. I just hate so much that my employer is taking advantage of them. Do you have any advice on what I can do for them, aside from adopting them through an adopt-a-teenager program where I send them $20 a month when they get home and in return they send me postcards? I know this is a weird question. It just makes me feel bad.
Signed,
My Boss is a Jerk
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My Boss is a Jerk,
I don’t think this is a weird question at all. I mean, please. We live in a world where Newt Gingrich is making a legitimate run at the Presidency on the platform of open-marriage. It takes a little more to rattle the Housewives.
It’s honorable that you’re feeling badly for these disadvantaged workers, but as you suggested, it’s not exactly illegal for your boss to be an asshole to your co-workers. What’s more, if you were to do something to get the bossman in trouble, the girls would suffer as well. I think that’s what they call a Catch-22, but I’ve never been good with postmodern literature.
But, if you do it right, maybe you can boost them into the media spotlight which will basically both humiliate your boss AND get the girls some paparazzi-type celebrity status. Here’s what I suggest:
1. New York had this really obnoxious guy with a mustache who worked for the local news, and he always annoyed the crap out of the bad guys until they finally caved to get him off their back. Most of the time they were probably innocent, but that’s besides the point. Get in touch with your local media and ask for the homeliest reporter with the biggest microphone to help you out.
2. Ashton Kutcher. He still does that Punk’d show for MTV, right? (He doesn’t? Well, just tell him pretty young girls are involved and I’m sure he’ll be there in a heartbeat.) Sure, the national media attention may cause the entire hotel to fail financially, costing you your job in the process, but it’ll be a great story!
3. Aren’t hotels usually haunted? Because I feel like, if you get the girls involved, you could all chip in for some fake blood and gray face paint and really pull an epic prank on Mr. Bossman. Kind of like the ghosts of Christmas past, except they’re the ghosts of…like, hotels or something. (Okay, so maybe this one isn’t super smooth, but I’m not a damn script writer so cut me some slack already.)
Or, if you want to take the issue more seriously (bo-ring!), you could do something more responsible. Perhaps you could contact local lawyers or worker’s unions to see if there’s any legal action that can be taken. Beyond that and slashing your boss’ tires, maybe you want to just have a good heart-to-heart with the girls and then submit your resignation. That’s what Jerry McGuire would do.
Good luck,
Kristine, TMH
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It’s Your Party And I’ll Stay Home If I Want To
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Are people obligated to attend their spouse’s office Christmas party? My husband expects me to go to his (I don’t make him go to mine), and I REALLY don’t want to go. It’s just one more thing on my already overscheduled holiday calendar.
I don’t really know the people there and have little in common with them. Plus, most office parties are completely boring and I kind of resent forking out for a babysitter just so I can hang out with people I don’t know and be bored out of my mind. I want to reclaim some of the holiday season for myself and my family instead of trying to fulfill society’s expectations.
Can a person get out of going to these parties without causing a fuss or damaging a career?
Signed,
Don’t Make Me Party,
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Dear Don’t Make Me Party,
You know, if you hate office Christmas parties so much, maybe you should have married someone Jewish. Then the two of you could stay at home and make latkes while the rest of the office got their egg nog on. But you didn’t think of that, did you? No, you had to marry for “love” instead. You reap what you sow, baby! (That’s the New Testament, by the way.)
Personally, I don’t know anyone who enjoys her spouse’s holiday parties. Because unless you’re friends with the people there or have a mad crush on your spouse’s co-worker, it is just a work event. With wine. That you can’t drink with abandon because it’s a work event.
And yet in our society it’s expected that people who work together every day and have to get along in exchange for money and health insurance get together and be merry. Fortunately the expectation has been holding steady at “once a year” for a while now. Mostly. Some companies have summer barbecues and spring cruises and the September key parties. Count your blessings.
I’ll wait.
Every company has a different party culture and if your husband says that your attendance is important, do it. Wave the team flag, make small talk. You don’t want him to be the only one there without his trophy wife.
But have some ground rules. Commit to a time limit, ninety minutes perhaps, and have a safe word if he forgets to start saying good byes after that time. In my experience “you promised no more than ninety minutes in this hell hole and it’s already been eighty five and you haven’t even started good-nighting these geezers yet!” doesn’t work too well. For one, it takes a long time to say, so you’re wasting valuable time and also apparently other people can hear you when you speak. I don’t know what that’s about.
Despite this bad news of mandatory attendance, there is a glimmer of holiday hope. Because you can’t go to a party without a mani/pedi/new hair cut and a full body massage. Go ahead and schedule those appointments now. They’ll go a long way to putting you in a party mood.
Ho-ho-ho,
Marinka, TMH
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Help! My Co-worker is a Mouthy Housewife!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am looking for tips to avoid being cornered by “mouthy housewives” at work. I go to work just to make a living. I expect people to be peaceable, not prying. Do I really have to fulfill a stereotype in order to be left alone, and pursue what is important to me?
Really, this borders on harassment when you have different values and a budget to live on. I don’t want to feel judged because I don’t have a white picket fence. And it is none of anyone’s business where my child’s father is and how many times he sees her and whether your parents are married or how old you are, and…I could go on and on.
Signed,
NOT a Mouthy Housewife
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Dear Not Mouthy,
Before we proceed, I need to clarify a few things to be sure there isn’t a conflict of interest. Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you just used “mouthy housewife” as a term of derision!
::clutches pearls::
Being a “mouthy housewife” is not synonymous with being a “bitch” or “asshole” or, well, you get the point. Rather, being a mouthy housewife is about cutting the crap, speaking the truth, and helping out fellow women. What I see here is that you, darling, are a mouthy housewife just yearning to spread her wings, while those ladies at work are simply bullies.
See the difference? (Oh, I forgot about the fashion element, too. Mouthy housewives dress way better than bullies.)
Now that we have that out of the way, I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I think we’ve all dealt with a snooping, obnoxious, poorly-dressed (probably) co-worker before. And in my experience, all it takes is one look to snip that nonsense right in the bud. For example:
Snoopy woman in wool Yorkie sweater: Say, don’t you think Dave from accounting is dreamy? And since you brought it up, how many married men have you slept with?
You: [GLARE]
SWIWYS: Oh, you can tell me! I won’t say a thing! [Pulls out tape recorder]
You: Well, aren’t you the rudest thing since sliced bread!
OR!
You: Actually, after sleeping with your husband, I decided it wasn’t worth it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [Wink]
OR!
You: Would you like to hear me neigh like a horse? I’ve been told I’m quite good. ::NEEEEEIIIIGHHHHH::
OR!
You: Oh, Mildred. I heard about your condition. Are you having an episode again? There, there. [Hand her a pacifier]
Pick any one! It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure for the middle-aged!
In other words, you need to gather some confidence, stand up for yourself, and put these rude women in their respective places. If it causes some tension at first, as it likely will (especially if you go with the NEEEEIIIIGGGHHH-ing option), rest assured it will blow over. At the very least, you can feel confident that you’ve stuck to your values. (And that you probably have nicer shoes than they do, too.)
Best wishes,
Kristine, TMH
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Smile And Say Cheese! Now, Pay Up!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a photographer who absolutely adores her job. Nothing is more awesome than capturing memories with my family and friends. However, this career choice has come at a price.
I now find myself constantly on everyone’s guest list, even for my ‘not so close’ friends. But I think my popularity is only based on my camera. I’m not sure I’d be invited if I wasn’t going to capture all of their precious memories for them, for FREE.
I now wrestle with myself over attending these events. Often times, after I get over myself and just go I feel good about it. I get the photos and really enjoy having them UNTIL the inviter (I may have just made that word up) starts hassling and bugging me nonstop to have copies or a disk prepared for them immediately. I don’t feel like it’s right to charge my friends and family for me to be at their celebrations, but how do I tell them nicely that I’m not here for them to use and abuse?
Sincerely,
I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon
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Dear I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon,
Where did you say you lived? Near Brooklyn? Maybe you have next weekend free and would love to picnic in the park with me and my cuter-than-the-cutest-Gerber-baby son who is in dire need of a modeling contract? Also, can you pick up some sandwiches, a couple bottles of wine, and some cookies for the lunch? I’ll bring the blanket and the photogenic kid.
But after that, I would suggest that every once in a while you show up to a shindig without your trusty film-dependent sidekick. Keep everyone on their toes. They will learn pretty quickly not to rely on you to always have your camera and be their unpaid professional photographer. Unfortunately, I think this will be easier said than done.
It seems to me that part of the problem here is your lack of confidence in your own self-worth. While you may enjoy all the photos you take at these events, you may actually be way more scared that people only like you because of your camera. You are worried that if it’s not with you, they will stop inviting you. And for some of these folks, that could indeed be the case. But honestly, do you really want ‘friends’ who only like you because they can get your services for free?
You are lucky to be able to make a living doing something you love and enjoy; not a lot of people can say that. But part of being successful is knowing when to say ‘NO’. And you’ve got to do that, especially for those ‘not so close’ friends. As for your other friends and family, it’s a fine line you’re walking. It makes sense that you don’t want to charge them for your services, however, how will you continue to make a living? Perhaps you can take some pictures for free, but if they want the whole set they will need to pay something. Or maybe you can offer all of the photos at a reduced rate? No matter what you do, don’t undersell yourself. Take pride in your work, and more importantly, who you are as a person!
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
P.S. I’ll need 60 8x10s and about 200 wallet-sized photos. Thanks.
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Mouthing Off: You’ve Come A Long Way, Sugar Baby!
We’re back with Mouthing Off and we have to tell you, this one is a doozy. Because there is an alarming trend of female college grads looking for wealthy men to pay their tuition and pay off their student loans. In exchange for companionship, which we hope we don’t have to tell you, doesn’t mean attending the opera together.
There are websites where these cash-starved women and rich men can meet– like a regular dating website, except the woman specifies how much cash she will need on a monthly basis for the pleasure of her college-educated company.
These women are being referred to by the media as sugar babies looking for sugar daddies. We’re guessing because prostitutes looking for Johns is offensive.
Oh, we heard the explanation that this isn’t prostitution because the women aren’t offering a menu of sexual services in exchange for a set fee. And we’re not here to make a legal argument that anyone should be charged with prostitution.
We do wonder about what makes these women think that this arrangement is their only viable option. There is no question that the economy is in trouble and of course the recent college graduates are coming into a terrible market.
They may have to defer their student loans. They may even have to default on them. And however unappealing that may be, we are talking about institutional loans, not loan sharks.
Surely these women’s self-esteem is worth more than their credit rating?
What do you think– is it okay to provide companionship in exchange for cash? And how do you think the parties involved are reporting these transactions on their tax returns?
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