I work at a hotel (in the U.S.) which has brought employees in from a poor European country for the season. The girls are working as housekeepers, earning minimum wage, which is $2 less than what any of the other housekeepers START at. They had to pay for their own flights here, work visas, and they pay all their U.S. taxes. They work 6 days a week, so they are getting overtime, but I still feel like they are totally being taken advantage of. It makes me angry.

My employer doesn’t seem to be doing anything illegal, just something that I think is ICKY. When these girls go back to their homes, they will have enough money saved that they can live off it for 6 months (going to University) without working, so that’s good for them. I just hate so much that my employer is taking advantage of them. Do you have any advice on what I can do for them, aside from adopting them through an adopt-a-teenager program where I send them $20 a month when they get home and in return they send me postcards? I know this is a weird question. It just makes me feel bad.

Signed,

My Boss is a Jerk

____________________________________________

My Boss is a Jerk,

I don’t think this is a weird question at all. I mean, please. We live in a world where Newt Gingrich is making a legitimate run at the Presidency on the platform of open-marriage. It takes a little more to rattle the Housewives.

It’s honorable that you’re feeling badly for these disadvantaged workers, but as you suggested, it’s not exactly illegal for your boss to be an asshole to your co-workers. What’s more, if you were to do something to get the bossman in trouble, the girls would suffer as well. I think that’s what they call a Catch-22, but I’ve never been good with postmodern literature.

But, if you do it right, maybe you can boost them into the media spotlight which will basically both humiliate your boss AND get the girls some paparazzi-type celebrity status. Here’s what I suggest:

1. New York had this really obnoxious guy with a mustache who worked for the local news, and he always annoyed the crap out of the bad guys until they finally caved to get him off their back. Most of the time they were probably innocent, but that’s besides the point. Get in touch with your local media and ask for the homeliest reporter with the biggest microphone to help you out.

2. Ashton Kutcher. He still does that Punk’d show for MTV, right? (He doesn’t? Well, just tell him pretty young girls are involved and I’m sure he’ll be there in a heartbeat.) Sure, the national media attention may cause the entire hotel to fail financially, costing you your job in the process, but it’ll be a great story!

3. Aren’t hotels usually haunted? Because I feel like, if you get the girls involved, you could all chip in for some fake blood and gray face paint and really pull an epic prank on Mr. Bossman. Kind of like the ghosts of Christmas past, except they’re the ghosts of…like, hotels or something. (Okay, so maybe this one isn’t super smooth, but I’m not a damn script writer so cut me some slack already.)

Or, if you want to take the issue more seriously (bo-ring!), you could do something more responsible. Perhaps you could contact local lawyers or worker’s unions to see if there’s any legal action that can be taken. Beyond that and slashing your boss’ tires, maybe you want to just have a good heart-to-heart with the girls and then submit your resignation. That’s what Jerry McGuire would do.

Good luck,

Kristine, TMH

Are people obligated to attend their spouse’s office Christmas party? My husband expects me to go to his (I don’t make him go to mine), and I REALLY don’t want to go. It’s just one more thing on my already overscheduled holiday calendar.

I don’t really know the people there and have little in common with them. Plus, most office parties are completely boring and I kind of resent forking out for a babysitter just so I can hang out with people I don’t know and be bored out of my mind. I want to reclaim some of the holiday season for myself and my family instead of trying to fulfill society’s expectations.

Can a person get out of going to these parties without causing a fuss or damaging a career?

Signed,

Don’t Make Me Party,
_____________________________________

Dear Don’t Make Me Party,

You know, if you hate office Christmas parties so much, maybe you should have married someone Jewish. Then the two of you could stay at home and make latkes while the rest of the office got their egg nog on. But you didn’t think of that, did you? No, you had to marry for “love” instead. You reap what you sow, baby! (That’s the New Testament, by the way.)

Personally, I don’t know anyone who enjoys her spouse’s holiday parties. Because unless you’re friends with the people there or have a mad crush on your spouse’s co-worker, it is just a work event. With wine. That you can’t drink with abandon because it’s a work event.

And yet in our society it’s expected that people who work together every day and have to get along in exchange for money and health insurance get together and be merry. Fortunately the expectation has been holding steady at “once a year” for a while now. Mostly. Some companies have summer barbecues and spring cruises and the September key parties. Count your blessings.

I’ll wait.

Every company has a different party culture and if your husband says that your attendance is important, do it. Wave the team flag, make small talk. You don’t want him to be the only one there without his trophy wife.

But have some ground rules. Commit to a time limit, ninety minutes perhaps, and have a safe word if he forgets to start saying good byes after that time. In my experience “you promised no more than ninety minutes in this hell hole and it’s already been eighty five and you haven’t even started good-nighting these geezers yet!” doesn’t work too well. For one, it takes a long time to say, so you’re wasting valuable time and also apparently other people can hear you when you speak. I don’t know what that’s about.

Despite this bad news of mandatory attendance, there is a glimmer of holiday hope. Because you can’t go to a party without a mani/pedi/new hair cut and a full body massage. Go ahead and schedule those appointments now. They’ll go a long way to putting you in a party mood.

Ho-ho-ho,

Marinka, TMH

I am looking for tips to avoid being cornered by “mouthy housewives” at work. I go to work just to make a living. I expect people to be peaceable, not prying. Do I really have to fulfill a stereotype in order to be left alone, and pursue what is important to me?

Really, this borders on harassment when you have different values and a budget to live on. I don’t want to feel judged because I don’t have a white picket fence. And it is none of anyone’s business where my child’s father is and how many times he sees her and whether your parents are married or how old you are, and…I could go on and on.

Signed,

NOT a Mouthy Housewife

____________________________________________

Dear Not Mouthy,

Before we proceed, I need to clarify a few things to be sure there isn’t a conflict of interest. Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you just used “mouthy housewife” as a term of derision!

::clutches pearls::

Being a “mouthy housewife” is not synonymous with being a “bitch” or “asshole” or, well, you get the point. Rather, being a mouthy housewife is about cutting the crap, speaking the truth, and helping out fellow women. What I see here is that you, darling, are a mouthy housewife just yearning to spread her wings, while those ladies at work are simply bullies.

See the difference? (Oh, I forgot about the fashion element, too. Mouthy housewives dress way better than bullies.)

Now that we have that out of the way, I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I think we’ve all dealt with a snooping, obnoxious, poorly-dressed (probably) co-worker before. And in my experience, all it takes is one look to snip that nonsense right in the bud. For example:

Snoopy woman in wool Yorkie sweater: Say, don’t you think Dave from accounting is dreamy? And since you brought it up, how many married men have you slept with?

You: [GLARE]

SWIWYS: Oh, you can tell me! I won’t say a thing! [Pulls out tape recorder]

You: Well, aren’t you the rudest thing since sliced bread!

OR!

You: Actually, after sleeping with your husband, I decided it wasn’t worth it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [Wink]

OR!

You: Would you like to hear me neigh like a horse? I’ve been told I’m quite good. ::NEEEEEIIIIGHHHHH::

OR!

You: Oh, Mildred. I heard about your condition. Are you having an episode again? There, there. [Hand her a pacifier]

Pick any one! It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure for the middle-aged!

In other words, you need to gather some confidence, stand up for yourself, and put these rude women in their respective places. If it causes some tension at first, as it likely will (especially if you go with the NEEEEIIIIGGGHHH-ing option), rest assured it will blow over. At the very least, you can feel confident that you’ve stuck to your values. (And that you probably have nicer shoes than they do, too.)

Best wishes,

Kristine, TMH

I’m a photographer who absolutely adores her job. Nothing is more awesome than capturing memories with my family and friends. However, this career choice has come at a price.

I now find myself constantly on everyone’s guest list, even for my ‘not so close’ friends. But I think my popularity is only based on my camera. I’m not sure I’d be invited if I wasn’t going to capture all of their precious memories for them, for FREE.

I now wrestle with myself over attending these events. Often times, after I get over myself and just go I feel good about it. I get the photos and really enjoy having them UNTIL the inviter (I may have just made that word up) starts hassling and bugging me nonstop to have copies or a disk prepared for them immediately. I don’t feel like it’s right to charge my friends and family for me to be at their celebrations, but how do I tell them nicely that I’m not here for them to use and abuse?

Sincerely,

I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon
____________________________________________

Dear I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon,

Where did you say you lived? Near Brooklyn? Maybe you have next weekend free and would love to picnic in the park with me and my cuter-than-the-cutest-Gerber-baby son who is in dire need of a modeling contract? Also, can you pick up some sandwiches, a couple bottles of wine, and some cookies for the lunch? I’ll bring the blanket and the photogenic kid.

But after that, I would suggest that every once in a while you show up to a shindig without your trusty film-dependent sidekick. Keep everyone on their toes. They will learn pretty quickly not to rely on you to always have your camera and be their unpaid professional photographer. Unfortunately, I think this will be easier said than done.

It seems to me that part of the problem here is your lack of confidence in your own self-worth. While you may enjoy all the photos you take at these events, you may actually be way more scared that people only like you because of your camera. You are worried that if it’s not with you, they will stop inviting you. And for some of these folks, that could indeed be the case. But honestly, do you really want ‘friends’ who only like you because they can get your services for free?

You are lucky to be able to make a living doing something you love and enjoy; not a lot of people can say that. But part of being successful is knowing when to say ‘NO’. And you’ve got to do that, especially for those ‘not so close’ friends. As for your other friends and family, it’s a fine line you’re walking. It makes sense that you don’t want to charge them for your services, however, how will you continue to make a living? Perhaps you can take some pictures for free, but if they want the whole set they will need to pay something. Or maybe you can offer all of the photos at a reduced rate? No matter what you do, don’t undersell yourself. Take pride in your work, and more importantly, who you are as a person!

Good Luck,

Tonya, TMH

P.S. I’ll need 60 8x10s and about 200 wallet-sized photos. Thanks.

There are websites where these cash-starved women and rich men can meet– like a regular dating website, except the woman specifies how much cash she will need on a monthly basis for the pleasure of her college-educated company.

These women are being referred to by the media as sugar babies looking for sugar daddies. We’re guessing because prostitutes looking for Johns is offensive.

Oh, we heard the explanation that this isn’t prostitution because the women aren’t offering a menu of sexual services in exchange for a set fee. And we’re not here to make a legal argument that anyone should be charged with prostitution.

We do wonder about what makes these women think that this arrangement is their only viable option. There is no question that the economy is in trouble and of course the recent college graduates are coming into a terrible market.

They may have to defer their student loans. They may even have to default on them. And however unappealing that may be, we are talking about institutional loans, not loan sharks.

Surely these women’s self-esteem is worth more than their credit rating?

What do you think– is it okay to provide companionship in exchange for cash? And how do you think the parties involved are reporting these transactions on their tax returns?

______________________________

Are you our Facebook friend? Check out and caption this glamor shot of Kelcey and Marinka here!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband works in banking and makes a good living. He just turned 40 and is now having some kind of midlife crisis because suddenly he wants to leave the finance industry and pursue his dream of becoming an actor. I want support him but this would mean a major change is how we live our lives. And who becomes an actor at 40?

Signed, He’s No Brad Pitt

___________________________________

Dear Mrs. Not Brad Pitt,

First off, count your blessings that your husband is the creative type. If he weren’t he would have announced his midlife crisis by going out and finding a 22-year old girlfriend to drive around the neighborhood on his new crotch-rocket motorcyle, so things could be worse. And much more publicly humiliating.

Second, I have to call your judgment about your husband’s potential into question: Haven’t you noticed that ugly men get more attractive as they age? Now wait-I’m not saying your husband is ugly, I’m just saying, have you been the the movies lately? All we can see for miles are unapologetic crags and deep naso-labial folds, receding hairlines and those curious, creepy face fungi (aka age spots) that men are allowed to have. In fact, I bet your husband isn’t old enough to be an actor yet!

That means you have some time to work this all out. Tell him he’ll have to wait until he looks like Clint Eastwood, and in the meantime, why not have a real conversation about what’s really going on with your husband?  If you suddenly decided you’d missed your chance in life to be a novelist, a cancer researcher or Vanna White, wouldn’t you want him to give you and your dream more than lip service?

That’s the point of being partners: to help each other become the person you’re meant to be! Not to get stifled by financial arrangements that define us for the rest of our lives, slowly sucking our soul out one little drop at a time, until we’re empty enough to appear on The Real Housewives. (I’m sure that’s not you, but you know what I mean.)

Change is scary. Aging is scary. And come to think of it, life is kinda scary these days, too (been reading the newspapers lately?). So instead of panicking, focus on your connection and trust, and work together to figure out in what little way he can follow his dreams-acting class at night? take the summer off and do repertory in the Berkshires?-without making you feel like you’re living a nightmare. These kinds of life changes happen a little at a time, and he might change his mind. And who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one-in-a-million lucky guy and you’ll be on his arm at the Oscars in three years wearing a fab new diamond necklace. Wouldn’t you feel terrible if you robbed yourself of that experience?

Sincerely,

Stacy, Guest TMH

It seems that these days that every woman in North America is selling something on the side. I have 2 Avon, 1 Norwex, 1 Partylite and 2 Mary Kay reps working in my office.

I have tried to show my undying support to each of their endeavors by buying the least expensive item on the order form bi-annually. However, these women are GOOD. Its like they’ve attended Pusher University. When they approach me, I start by picking the cheapest thing I can find, and end up buying the first 14 pages of products. I am constantly spending way too much on terrible make-up, cleaning products I rarely use, 10,000 tea lights, and more facial cleanser than one person could use in four lifetimes.

While I completely sympathize with everyone needing a little more bank roll, how do I fend off these advances? I need a good working relationship with these women, but I find that they are constantly working me. Please help!

Signed,

Knee Deep in Unused Products

_____________________________________________________

Dear Knee Deep,

I decided to look up each of these companies and I must admit that I’m now the unfortunate owner of the SuperMagnify and the SuperExtend mascaras, an Artic Oasis candle, the Amazing Hands gift set and the Norwex Microfiber Antibac Enviro Cloth.

I think I see your point.

These products can be a bit seductive on their own and it sounds like you work with a group of women that could sell you a timeshare on an alligator farm in the Everglades. You’ll love swimming with the dangerous wildlife! Don’t miss this once in a lifetime experience to see their teeth up close! You’ll have such fun telling your friends about your near death experience!

It’s very nice of you to support your co-workers but you need to practice saying no. Envision your depleted bank account. Imagine all that stuff you buy just filling up landfills. And then tell the ladies of the office that you would love to support them but you have to take a pass this year due to finances being a bit tight.  You know… the economy. Give your sad “weak economy” face.

And then brace yourself for the follow-up: “Surely, you can afford one lipstick?” And the answer is still no because if you take one look at the order form, you’ll order enough beauty products to be the make-up artist for Kiss. Wait, is that band still around? Who cares. You get the idea.

And the next time you are raising money for a charity or trying to support your local public school, hit these ladies up for some cash. Because boy, do they owe you. You have 10,000 tealights to prove it.

Happy not shopping!

Kelcey, TMH

A colleague of mine hates her job and hardly does any work, which means that the rest of us have to compensate for her shortcomings. If I tell the manager, I’ll not only look like a tattletale, but I’ll have to admit to monitoring her activity, which is frowned upon. If I talk to her directly, she’ll tell me to “Go to Hell.” (She’s not the nicest person.) What should I do?

Signed,
Paid-To-Do-Her-Job?

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Paid-To-Do-Her-Job,

I’m remembering back to my elementary school days when there was a real jerk in my class. Another classmate put a thumbtack on that jerk-kid’s desk seat. So you could always use that as an option, however, the student who put the thumbtack on the seat got caught and had to do a bunch of research on why it was wrong. So acting like a 10-year-old may actually cause you even more work.

Now I’m remembering back to my full-time working days and the jackass we had for boss.  I was 24 at the time, so you’d think I would have learned a lesson from that 10-year-old classmate. And I did! I learned how not to get caught. We did things such as hide his eyeglasses from him and TP’d his house.  This is all very passive-aggressive behavior and I know as a mature adult I should be remorseful. But I’m not! He was such a jerk that I still laugh at our antics.

I feel obliged to remind everyone that Karma has a way of balancing these things out. I should tell you to do the right thing. She’ll get hers in the end. Take the high road and when you’re an old lady on your deathbed, you can feel very holier-than-thou.

Or you can do things like hide the toilet paper from her, leave a pair of tuna juice-soaked panties in her desk, or pour salt in her coffee and still be laughing it up 12 years later, just like me.

It’s your choice.

Signed,
Heather, TMH

A woman in our office who is pretty high on the food chain has recently begun taking the antidepressant Lexapro. She’s always been a little moody, and I’m happy to report that the bad moods are now gone, ONLY TO BE REPLACED BY EXTRA SPECIAL HAPPY MOODS. All the damn time. She’s a manager and should know better, but she now squeals like a girl at the slightest provocation and acts like a six year old after a day of slurpees, ding dongs, and ring pops.

I care about this woman and can see clearly that she’s damaging her credibility by acting like a manic grade-schooler. Is there a way to tactfully remind her to act her age? If not, can I switch her Lexapro to something less offensive, like maybe Xanax??

Signed,

Liked Her Better When She Cried

_____________________________________

Dear Liked Her Better When She Cried,

Before I begin to answer your question, I must first disclose that I personally don’t have any experience with the use of antidepressants. This is simply because I’m high on LIFE, baby! LIFE! (Well, life and the open printer cartridge I sniff like an unstable Doberman whenever I get upset. Lexmark Black Ink #1, I can’t quit you!)

Anyway, I point that out because while there are certainly psychological changes going on that I can’t begin to understand, I also believe the problem with Missus Happy Pants may not be due to her medication; rather, it’s due to other people’s reaction to her new personality.

For whatever reason, most workers seem to deal better with bosses who are assholes than ones who are fun and happy and wear pink cat sweatshirts. Maybe this is because it’s easier to respect someone who acts all serious and stern than someone who tells fart jokes and giggles. Don Draper vs. Don Knotts, if you will.

I say as long as she’s still performing her duties and has a handle on managing everyone, don’t bring up the medication issue with her at all. It’s just going to do is get her upset (if that’s even possible), plus she may think you don’t care about her new found happiness. Chances are that if there really is a problem, her family and close friends will advise her to go see her doctor for a medication adjustment. (Or sign her up to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.)

Therefore, my advice is to just lay low and try to enjoy Little Mary Sunshine. Because given the choice, it’s always better to work with someone who acts likes a Slurpee than someone who acts like a jackass.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

I’m the only female employee in my office. All the others are men (of course) and they’re all married. Knowing the insecurity that sometimes rears its ugly head with women, I have bent over backwards to make it clear that there are definite boundaries I wouldn’t cross.

At company functions I make sure to mingle with the wives, not the male co-workers. I always accept any “ladies’ night” invitations I receive. I accepted such an invitation last weekend, and on Monday I find out I vaguely insulted someone. A co-worker told me about it, but he didn’t know who was upset or what I had done. I honestly don’t know how or who.

Now I feel uncomfortable joining in on company activities – and there are a lot of these. The company is big enough where I can’t just go down a list and ask all the wives who I’ve insulted and what I did, so that I can apologize. And I can’t continue *not* going to functions, because I am seriously afraid they’ll think I won’t hang out with them because I want their husbands or have something to hide.

What do I do?

Signed,
I Swear I’m Not After Your Husband

_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Not After Your Husband,

You sound like a very considerate female co-worker and I applaud you for your maturity. But before I give advice, I have a question to ask you. If you are the only woman in a company that large, shouldn’t we report them to the EEOC?

Now, this hunting down which wife you offended is a bad idea, even if the company were smaller and an equal opportunity employer. You are a Mouthy Housewife reader! Stare at our web header until, through osmosis, you become like a Mouthy Housewife and then act accordingly. This means a) start a rumor about the wives as a counterattack or b) not caring you offended someone.

If the osmosis fails and you feel you can’t bring yourself to do such a thing (maturity can be such an inhibitor that way), I have a few other suggestions of how to nip this situation in the bud.

Become a lesbian. Or simply hint at lesbian activity.

Keep a tube of Preparation H on your desk. Make frequent trips to the bathroom with it obviously in hand, both at work and during ladies’ night out.

Stop shaving your armpits and set a fashion trend with sleeveless shirts. Be sure to wear them to those company functions!

Pass a lot of gas, especially at company functions.

Adopt 19 cats and become your office’s Crazy Cat Lady. Keep your purse full of pictures of your darlings. Dress them up and bring them as your “date” to those company activities.

Utilizing even just one of the suggestions while in the company of the wives will surely convince them their husband could never find you attractive.

Signed,

Heather, TMH