The Mouthy Housewives: Now Internationally Recognized!
As our loyal readers know, we Mouthy Housewives are an opinionated bunch. Which is why we (semi-sort-of-when-we-feel-like-it) regularly have our “Mouthing Off” posts where we express our thoughts on issues of the day. What can we say, it keeps us off the streets, yo.
We’re always very thrilled when all of you chime in with your thoughts and comments, but now we’re even more thrilled because other places are taking notice. Big places.
Places like THE NEW YORK FREAKING TIMES for one. After we wrote our Mouthing Off about the horror that is middle-school lockers decorated with chandeliers, they had their own article about it and quoted us! Whoohoo! Click here to read it. (The writer also told us how much she loved reading all of your hilarious comments on that post.)
And more recently, we wrote a Mouthing Off about the horror that is the McDonald’s playgrounds and found ourselves quoted in OK! MAGAZINE. (If you don’t know of OK!, it’s basically the British USWeekly. Lots of celebrity gossip, but sometimes they have recipes for bangers and mash and talk about wankers named “Reginald.”) But just check THIS out:
“–Blog, Mouthyhousewives.com”—that’s us baby! And we’re facing off against some smarty-pants lawyer dude. Ooooooh!
Anyway, there’s really no point to this post except to say how cool we think it is to get noticed by the world at large and to say thank you to everyone who regularly reads our Mouthing Off posts. We love to know what you think, too.
Also, in case you missed yesterday’s big CHICKtionary book giveaway, you can still enter. Click here for the info and rules.
HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!
TMH
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Mouthing Off: If Pizza is a Vegetable Then Why Am I Getting Fat Eating DiGiorno?
We Mouthy Housewives are practically speechless over here and you know that doesn’t happen very often. We just can not believe that Congress recently decided to dismantle a USDA effort to make school lunches healthier by continuing to insist that pizza is one vegetable serving because and we swear this is true – it contains tomato paste!
Well done, Congress! We mothers are just thrilled about this because now we no longer have to convince our kids to eat broccoli and spinach. What a silly waste of time. You don’t have to actually try to get your children to eat fruits and vegetables. Just pretend they are already eating them!
Here’s a few tips to help you feed your kids:
Cheetos are really oranges. After all, they are the same color!
Doritos are just like carrots. See above for the easy-to- understand explanation.
Sausages are the same as salads. Both have a variety of stuff in them!
A Twinkie is like the identical twin of a banana or an ear of corn. But so much yummier!
See what we mean? Your kids will be happier. Less struggles at the dinner table. And sure, obesity and diabetes amongst our children will likely skyrocket. But isn’t that a fair trade off for a scrumptious meal of junk food?!
We think so too. And thankfully, Congress didn’t stop there. Our elected officials also voted to keep french fries on the menu and and delay limits on sodium and delay a requirement to boost whole grains. Bravo Congress!
Thank you for taking care of your lobbyists, instead of our children. We very much look forward to next November when we kick your pathetic, pansy tushes out of office. We promise to throw you a goodbye party. Pizza will definitely be on the menu.
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Mouthing Off: The World’s Worst Lollipop
The week after Halloween is always a tough one for us here at at The Mouthy Housewives. We’ve eaten all of our kids’ good Halloween candy and we’re down to that crappy chocolate-free stuff.
It’s almost inhuman.
But when we heard that some people are sending and receiving lollipops that were licked by a kid with chicken pox so their kids could then lick them and not have to get the chicken pox vaccine, we held our Skittles close and asked them to forgive us. Because that craziness is nasty. And oh, by the way—illegal.
Apparently the government doesn’t look too kindly at people who send diseases through the mail. In fact, it’s a federal crime. (And don’t try to FedEx it, either. There’s that “this package does not contain blood” line you have to sign when shipping overnight. Which makes shipments to Edward Cullen super disappointing.)
So what’s a parent, who doesn’t want to vaccinate their child against the chicken pox, to do? Well, they could get an exemption. Or they could wait for their child to get the chicken pox the good old fashioned way, the way the Lord intended. Like at chicken pox parties, where a chicken pox kid’s parents invite other kids over to expose them to the pox. Those have been around for decades. But with fewer kids having the disease, parents are turning to the insanity of pre-licked lollipops and even have Facebook pages dedicated to it.
We think that it’s disgusting.
And it’s also really difficult to believe that parents willingly receive a diseased lollipop from a stranger on the internet and then expose their children to whatever the lollipop has on it. What if it’s Hepatitis? Or measles? (And yes, of course there’s talk of of people shipping measles.) To us, it just sounds like Dum Dums holding Dum Dums.
We know that there are many different ways to parent and that there is no one solution for every family. But can we agree that mailing chicken pox is terrible?
Even if gets delivered overnight.
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Mouthing Off: The Dirty Little Secret of McDonald’s Playgrounds
Do you take your kids to the PlayPlaces at McDonald’s? Let them run around barefoot and slide on the plastic slides after inhaling a $2.99 Happy Meal? Well, according to Dr. Erin Carr-Jordan, a child development specialist and mother of four, you probably shouldn’t anymore because you’re exposing your little tots to some very dangerous germs.
Yeah, that’s right—germs. In a public play place. Whodathunkit!? Those used diapers and bloody Band-Aids in the MegaTube aren’t just there to provide some Ronald McDonald ambiance, my friends. They’re the Big Mac of Nasty. Here’s just one example Carr-Jordan found—is that a McFlurry or tartar sauce?:
Image via KidsPlaySafe
Dr. Carr-Jordan, who you’ve probably seen making the media rounds, is crusading against these dirty playgrounds after the swabs she took at local McDonald’s restaurants were lab tested and showed the presence of not just everyday germs, but infectious staph bacteria and MRSA, among other pathogens. Her website, Kids Play Safe, also shows about two dozen videos taken at fast food restaurants around the country and what she found is some pretty revolting stuff. It’s like Gymboree meets a Wal-Mart dumpster over a SuperSized order of french fries. Ewwwww.
So what do you suppose the McDonald’s restaurants in Carr-Jordan’s home town of Phoenix did once this was called to their attention? Issue a statement saying that for the safety of the local kids, they’d make cleanliness a priority? Invite her to sit down for a civil chat? No way, Jose. They instead served her with a legal notice that prohibits her from even entering any of their franchises because they find her actions to be “disruptive.” A little chickenshit, if you ask us.
Which brings us to the question of the day: Is McDonald’s, a privately owned company, at all obligated to keep their youngest of customers safe via the cleanliness of their facilities? Or is this simply a “buyer beware” issue where parents who don’t like their children playing in filth should just stay away? Hmmmmm. Too bad Upton Sinclair isn’t around to answer this. (Yes, we just dropped in a reference to “The Jungle” because we want to show that we’re more than stunningly pretty faces. Please look suitably impressed.)
After some careful thought, our opinion is that these restaurants need to just get over themselves and do the right thing. After all, the only reason they build these playgrounds is to bring kids in, so it’s in their best interest to keep the parents happy, right? Plus a kid in the hospital with MRSA probably can’t suck down as many hamburgers and milkshakes.
That’s why we truly hope these restaurant owners behave ethically and pay heed to Dr. Carr-Jordan’s findings, or to any other parent’s complaints about uncleanliness and broken equipment. Their little patrons love going to play at their colorful, fun playgrounds, so it’s really not asking too much of the management to make sure the facilities are kept safe, hygienic and clean.
Because it’s called McIntegrity. And you sure as hell can’t get it at the drive-thru.
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What Do I Tell My Kid About Occupy Wall Street?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 11 year old started asking me questions about the Occupy Wall Street movement and I’m stumped about what to tell him.
It almost makes me miss Pokemon.
Any ideas?
Signed,
PreOccupied
___________________________________
Dear PreOccupied,
Oh, kids today with their questions! Whatever happened to the good old days when they were seen and not heard?!
Apparently those days are gone forever and now we have to deal with nonsense like inquisitive minds and children wanting to learn. It’s as though they don’t realize that it’s Project Runway finale week and mommy is busy.
But lucky for you, I just had the Occupy Wall Street discussion with my teenage daughter, so I can write from experience.
I tried to tell her that people were protesting because they were upset by how much she rolls her eyes at me. Sadly, this was met with more eye rolling.
So I leveled with her. At 13, my daughter was ready to hear the truth as I understood it– that some people are upset about what they perceive to be economic injustice in our society.
And then a wonderful thing happened. She asked follow up questions and we had a great conversation about different forms of protest, the rights of the people to express their anger at a given situation and being respectful even at the height of frustration.
No matter what side of the Occupy Wall Street movement you are on, there are definitely many teachable moments to share with your son. And the fact that he is asking questions that will lead to a discussion is a gift.
Let his questions shape the conversation. Start by saying that you know he has been wondering about Occupy Wall Street– what has he heard about it? He may have seen images on TV that he found upsetting or confusing. Address that first.
Be sure to reassure him that it is not as scary as when Grandma and Grandpa occupied your guest room that one endless weekend.
Don’t worry about not having all the answers or saying the wrong things. What is important is that you and your son are communicating about what is on his mind and that he knows that you are a resource that he can turn to.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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