To Let Him in or Not to, That is the Question, Literally
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
What is the least traumatic way to refuse re-entry to the man who stomped out of his home yelling, “I’ll be back for my shit later!” but now wishes to come back?
Sincerely,
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out
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Dear Don’t,
The least traumatic way is to open the door and tell him, “Welcome home honey, very nice to see you again.” However, I’m getting the feeling that it would more likely that my mother would walk out of Nordstrom’s empty handed than your rolling out the welcome mat, so let’s move on, shall we?
If you’re not married to the guy, you don’t have to let him back in but I’m going to assume that he, like most people, wants his stuff and wants to use it while under the roof of what he considers to be his home and will not settle for plugging his TV set into an outlet in your living room and then running the cord out onto his new home, the street, to watch “the game”.
If you are married and you don’t want him back in the house, you’re likely going to have bigger problems. I’m no divorce lawyer, although for the money I spent on mine, I could have covered at least two years of law school, but the division of property in most states makes it so that he gets at least part of it (including the debt). Therefore, if your house is one of the millions that is now worth less than you paid for it, well then congratulations on such perfect timing.
I don’t know this man and it seems that you’ve pretty much lost your “hard on” for the guy, but if there is any hope of reconciliation, I would say go for it. You see, I’ve been out in the dating world and it’s not pretty, not pretty at all my friend. So if something can be done to avoid having to put yourself back out in the world in which I now find myself living or rather existing, by all means, try it.
If not, I’ve got a plethora of men who are needy, broke and who would be happy to find someone to fill the time between phone calls to their mothers, so at least you know, if you don’t want to be end up alone you won’t have to, even though while on a date with these fellas, you’ll likely find that you’d wish you were.
All that being said, whatever you decide to do, just make sure to stay safe.
Good luck.
Love,
Jessica, TMH
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Staying Sane by Staying Out of It
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Recently my sister-in-law broke up with her son’s father. To the surprise of no one at all, it’s gotten pretty nasty pretty quickly (complete with venomous Facebook updates), and it’s probably going to get a lot nastier before it’s all said and done. I desperately don’t want to become involved, but at the same time I might get drawn in due to things beyond my control. So what do I do?
Signed,
Leave Me Out of It
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Dear Leave Me,
At all costs, you must avoid any meaningful discussion about the break-up and its aftermath with your sister-in-law and anyone else involved. Because unless you are close friends with your sister-in-law and feel like you can and should have a meaningful heart-to-heart (the non-Facebook version) with her about the state of her relationship, and how the adults are conducting themselves during this unpleasant time, you simply cannot win. Anything that you say, email, text, Facebook, or tweet will be received through the “is she with me or against me” filter. And even though you may be 100% on her side, you’re still screwed because at some point, she may reconcile with her ex, or at least, for the sake of their son, have an amicable relationship with him, and then you will be the one who said all those horrible things about the father of her child.
To avoid this unpleasantness, you need to master the platitude. If you are new to the platitude, let me give you a few essential tips:
* Make sympathetic noises that mean nothing, like “hmm,” “ummm,” and “ohhh,” to absolutely anything and everything that your sister-in-law or anyone tangentially related to the situation will say to you.
* Throw in a few “it’s so hard, I know”s
* Sprinkle the above with “we must think of the baby!”, and you should be good to go.
If she attempts to sit you down for a heart to heart, dodge it at all costs. Feign a hemorrhoid attack that makes sitting painful. Consider laryngitis. A vow of silence, perhaps?
Because hopefully, things will settle down soon, and you can go back to using Facebook for its intended purpose–discussing what a whore that not-aging-well-slut was in high school.
Best wishes,
Marinka, TMH
