In This Corner, My Mom. And In This Corner, My Boyfriend.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My mother creates her own alternate reality for everything. My BF and I have been dating for six years and plan on getting married, but she refuses to acknowledge his existence. He is not even “allowed” over at holidays. It makes me feel like I am 15…I’m 25!
She has even gone so far as making things up out of thin air, telling people he abuses me, and then I receive emails from “concerned” friends of hers. Or she will drive by my house intentionally just to call me and ask why he is there!
I am sick and tired of her antics especially because my irresponsible jerk of a brother’s girlfriend walks on water to her. How the hell do I tell her to back off and come back to the real world without causing a war!?
Signed,
I Have a Crazy Mama
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Dear I Have a Crazy Mama,
I admit that when I read your first sentence — “My mother creates her own alternate reality for everything” — I was really hoping this question would involve spaceships, Narnia and a few thousand horny gnomes, but you know what? It’s perfectly fine that it doesn’t. Let’s just go ahead and talk about your mother’s alternate reality. The one that involves her major dislike of your boyfriend. The boyfriend who isn’t a horny gnome who carries a laser gun in his loincloth and drinks unicorn blood from a box. Sigh.
I knew I should have taken that job at TheMouthyDungeonsandDragonsHousewives.com.
But my personal problems aside, there must be something wrong with your boyfriend. Otherwise, why would your mom despise him so? Is he a thief? A con artist? A drinker? A drugger? A performer on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour named Skeeter Juice who tells jokes about raccoon boobies? Seriously, do you have any idea why she might not like him? Because if you don’t, it might be a good idea to sit her down and ask. Perhaps he slighted her years ago and a simple apology is all it’ll take to clear things up.
However, if she actually is completely batshit crazy and has no real reason for disliking him and spreading false rumors, then it’s time for a Come to Jesus talk. Let her know that he’s the most important person in your life and you plan on marrying him whether she approves of it or not. And if she wants you in her life, she’s just going to have to suck it up and deal. I know you don’t want to start a war, but you might have to start a little skirmish just to clear the air. Because right now nothing’s changing in either direction.
Family drama is never fun and I wish you the best of luck with this situation. Hopefully you’ll all come to some kind of resolution and can all peacefully co-exist.
Just like the horny gnomes and unicorns do.
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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I’m Pregnant And Depressed But Are Drugs The Answer?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am currently almost 4 months pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I was taking an antidepressant. I immediately got off of it. My problem is that I am now suffering from severe depression and having panic attacks almost every day.
I went to see a new OB/GYN at the suggestion of a friend (my old OB wasn’t well versed in medications). This doctor believes that it would be better for me to be on the antidepressant than to suffer like this through the rest of my pregnancy. She has even suggested that I see a psychiatrist.
My problem is that I’m really conflicted and scared. I don’t want to hurt my baby. My family thinks that if I take anything it will detrimental to my child’s health. I really want to do what is right for my baby but I don’t think that my current mental and emotional state is helping either. What should I do?
Please help!
Anxious About Antidepressants
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Dear AAA,
People are really great because just as we all bleed red (except Tom Cruise, I think his insides are made of green slime) we also all have opinions. And we love to share them!
I’m not sure if any of your family members are medical professionals so I can’t speak to their qualifications but even so, it’s possible that their closeness to the situation is interfering with their judgment. And family pressure can be especially difficult to handle.
It’s best to begin to draw your boundaries now because this is just the tip of the iceberg. Wait until you have chosen a name for the child, at least 75% of your family will know a dog, drug addict, or vagabond with that name. And when you want to sleep train or not sleep train your child you will get no fewer than 20 suggestions as to what you should really do, these may or may not include the following:
-give the baby a drop of whiskey
-wear ear plugs
-sleep with your child until they are 12
-bundle the baby in no less than 5 layers, including hat and mittens
-walk around the crib 2 times clockwise
-call Tom Cruise and ask his advice
The good news is, it sounds like your new OB/GYN is being extremely careful. The fact that she even wants you to go and see a psychiatrist for a another opinion regarding your mental health tells me that she is really looking out for both your welfare and that of your unborn child.
I have to note here, however, that I am biased. I struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy and was prescribed an antidepressant by my doctor, who specializes in pregnancy and women’s mental health. She doesn’t recommend a lot of medication and she was extremely cautious about what I took, making sure I was at the lowest dosage necessary. My son was born happy, healthy and a week late. I’m only telling you this so that you know you are NOT alone, I am not trying to persuade you one way or the other.
Everything we put in our bodies comes with a certain amount of risk and this goes triple for medication. The important thing to focus on here is the question of whether the benefits outweigh that risk. This decision should be made between you, your partner, and your doctor and no one else. I could go into numerous studies done on women with depression who didn’t take anything while pregnant and studies done on those who did, but I believe that this is the domain for your OB/GYN and your psychiatrist. They will help you to choose the right route for you and your baby.
The best of luck!
Tonya, TMH
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My Sister-In-Law Has A Cold So She’s Calling The Cops On My Husband!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I received a disturbing text message from my sister-in-law, my husband’s younger half-sister. It read: “You’re with a child molester. Your husband would molest me and my twin sister when we were little. I will take a lie detector test and pass with flying colors.”
I was so shocked and sickened after I read the message. I called my husband and he told me his sister was lying because, according to her twin, she was mad at him and also suffering from an ear infection and on antibiotics! WHAT??
My question to you is, should I confront my crazy sister-in-law or just leave this situation alone? I hate confrontation but I don’t want her harassing us anymore.
Signed,
Sad and Sickened
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Dear Sad and Sickened,
Let me get this straight: your sister-in-law is accusing her brother of childhood molestation because she is mad at him and, also, because she has an ear infection? What would happen if she came down with pneumonia? Or the Avian Flu? Would she level charges of treason against everyone in her town? Blame her twin for the current economic crisis?
It seems possible that your sister-in-law is certainly suffering from something but it, most likely, has very little to do with her current ear infection. Whether it is a serious psychological disorder or the effects of childhood trauma is difficult to determine and should be left to a professional.
Whatever her real issue, it’s important for you to communicate your limits to her. The in-law relationship can be fragile and difficult so it’s important to proceed with caution. Especially in this case. You need to state clearly and directly that if she is angry with your husband she needs to talk about it with him NOT you. I would suggest staying away from judging her emotional state and simply focus on the interaction between the two of you and setting strict boundaries.
At the end of the day, however, this is an extremely disturbing accusation. You owe it to yourself to make sure that there isn’t any validity to her indictment. It seems to me that although you wrote to us regarding your sister-in-law, you might be more concerned about her accusations than you are letting on. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest and frank discussion preferably in a safe environment with the presence of a therapist or mediator. Put any and all of your questions to rest.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
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A Studio Of My Own. Until He Took It.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband works from home; his desk is in the family room. Normally this arrangement works well, but it’s school vacation right now. Yesterday I took my daughter out all day so he could have the house to himself and work in peace. But when we got home he proudly showed off his new home office: my studio!
He simply packed all my art and writing projects into cardboard boxes and shoved them in the closet, then he set his computer on my desk and considered it his. I feel violated and angry and I’m having a tough time even being in the same room with him right now. What should I do?
Signed,
It’s My Studio
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Dear Studio Keeper,
When you returned home, did you happen to notice if your husband had any large bumps on his head? A gash across the brow, perhaps? Anything at all to indicate that he may have hit his head and was now out of his mind?
Because absent some kind of a head trauma, I see absolutely no reason for him to think that this kind of occupation of your studio without any discussion or court order is acceptable. I really hope that he didn’t urinate on the walls of the studio to mark his territory, too.
Not only did he violate your space, but he dismissed your work in the process. And as we learned from Dirty Dancing, no one puts Baby in the corner. (You’re “Baby.” And “the corner” is “not the studio.” Sorry, I’m still in Analogy Training.)
I am going to assume that the fact that you’re angry and avoiding him is going totally over his head. I, myself, am married to one of his brethren and have taken to sending emails to my husband to let him know when I’m giving him the Silent Treatment. (He usually replies “okay.”)
You are going to have to talk to your husband. In preparation, do the type of deep breathing exercises that will deprive the rest of the world of oxygen and then let him know that you are upset. Let him know that you considered the studio yours, it has been for a while and if he wants to make a temporary change, you’d appreciate being consulted in advance.
It’s possible that he has been unhappy with the location of his home office for a while and that being in the middle of the family room hasn’t been working for him. Quite honestly, I would not be able to work like that. If he wants to make a change, discuss a time-share of the studio, but make it clear that you do not appreciate being displaced and having your work moved to the side.
Hopefully you and your husband can work this out– perhaps you can time share, with him spending more time in the studio during school vacations or the two of you putting up a wall in the family room to give him more privacy for his work. The important thing is that he acknowledge the importance of your space. And get his stuff the hell out of it.
Best wishes,
Marinka, TMH
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The Mouthy Housewives Help You Pack For The Holidays!
With the holidays upon us, some of us Mouthy Housewives are going to visit family. It’s crucial to pack everything one might need. To make sure nothing is forgotten it’s important to make a survival kit…err…..list.
Here are a few things we will be tucking away in our suitcase:
1. Valium – in case the booze is running low or the spouse needs a ‘time out.’
2. Elephant tranquilizer darts and spit gun – for when things get heated but you don’t want to get up because you finally grabbed the chair next to the plate of cookies.
3. Excedrine – for the migraines that come with sitting through another five hours of Aunt Sally describing her bowel surgery…again.
4. Ear plugs – for the plane ride and also to drown out annoying children, who may or may not be yours. Probably yours.
5. Zombie survival guide – because a zombie apocalypse is eerily close to what happens when the in-laws and extended families come together.
6. War and Peace (or any hefty masterpiece) – so that you can call out “I’ll be right there, almost done!” often.
7. Smelling salts – in case of a fainting spells brought on by too much togetherness, um, happiness.
8. Voodoo doll kit – no reason.
9. A shearling coat with a fleece lining to wear indoors because your mother-in-law moved to Florida to be warm but keeps the thermostat at a very refreshing 50 degrees.
10. Your gymnastics trophy from 5th grade so when your siblings start talking about their PhD’s, you have something to brag about too.
11. Your Justin Bieber musical toothbrush because it just isn’t the holidays until you’ve had a Bieber dance off in the bathroom with your Uncle Herbert.
12. Pencil and paper, a calculator and an abacus – because although family-time, holiday travel and preparations can be trying and exhausting, we know how lucky we are and we never stop counting our blessings.
13. And, of course, the gifts! If you’re like us and waited until the last minute, it’s going to be ok, we can give you some help on that too!
Happy Holidays from The Mouthy Housewives!
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