The Fears of a Legal Guardian
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My stepbrother and his wife have asked my husband and me to serve as legal guardians for their two children (and another one is on the way) should they both meet an untimely demise. The question is, what is the protocol for communicating this to the other grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.? It is sure to raise some questions and hurt feelings (primarily the question of why they didn’t choose their biological siblings as guardians).
I can see why my stepbrother and sister-in-law would like to avoid the family drama, but selfishly, I’d prefer they’d clear the air on this one. I can only imagine the drama that would exist if this came forward after their tragic death. What do you think?
Signed,
Please Don’t Die and Leave Me with the Kids and the Family Drama
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Dear Please Don’t Die,
You know what I used to worry about? I used to worry that I would meet a handsome, wealthy Saudi prince at Starbucks and immediately we would fall desperately in love. He would propose, vowing to make me a princess for life, but alas, we would eventually be torn apart by our different cultures and families. And sadly, we would end up going our separate ways, denying me my rightful place as Saudi royalty.
Turns out I may have spent a little bit too much time worrying about this because the only guy I’ve ever met at Starbucks was an accountant from Jersey. So let me save you the trouble of worrying about things that, in all likelihood, will never happen. I’m pretty confident that your stepbrother and wife will be around for a good long time. If they were to bring up the guardian relationship now, it would just cause a lot of unnecessary upset. This is drama you want to avoid.
They obviously feel more comfortable with you than their biological siblings as their children’s guardians and you should be honored. Hopefully you will never have to take on this role. However, if it would make you feel better, maybe they could include a note in their will explaining their decision.
So let this go and get back to worrying about things that really matter. Like how we’re going to clean up this Gulf oil spill or how I’m going to suffer through the rest of my life without being a princess.
Good luck to you.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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Lord Help the Mister Who Comes Between Me and My Sister
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend is a very private person. I am not. I have become more so at his urging, but there’s one area that he cannot seem to understand: my relationship with my sister. We are best friends and we share everything with each other. I trust her advice and often times follow it.
The other day, my boyfriend and I got into a stupid fight and I ended up calling my sister to talk to her about it. When he found out, he got upset and said that when I tell my sister things about us, it makes it awkward for him to be around her.
He really wants me to not talk to her about things that happen between us because he wants us to have our privacy. I understand that, and I don’t tell her everything, but I really don’t want to not talk to her about some of the bigger things that happen between us. I don’t know if I can stop confiding in her to make him comfortable when I am the kind of person that needs to talk to others about my issues. What do you think I should do?
Signed,
Sisterly Devotion
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Dear Sisterly,
Okay, imagine you and your boyfriend are at a sports bar hanging out with some of his best friends. You’re all laughing and having a good time, maybe chewing on some hot wings, when Jimmy, the guy next to you who you barely know, leans over and asks, “So. Your yeast infection clear up yet, babe? I heard it was a particularly nasty one this time. Like, real itchy and shit. You rub some Massengill on it?”
Uh-huh, that’s what we in the internet advice business call “putting the shoe on the other foot.” Or maybe it’s “walking a mile in another girl’s Havaianas.” I can’t ever keep them straight. Anyway, the point is, how would you like it if you couldn’t control what other people know about your personal bidness?
Because as close as you are to your sister, there’s no way you and your boyfriend will ever truly reach intimacy if you continue to breach the privacy of your relationship by bringing others into it. He’s always going to feel like there’s a third person in the room with you and, if you ask me, that’s really not fair. After all, if he wanted to date sisters, he’d buy a smoking jacket, move into the Playboy mansion and change his name to “Hef, Jr.” And then you’d only get to see him when they close down the grotto for crab fumigation.
Now, if you feel you really must discuss things with someone, my advice is to start writing in a journal. Or find a therapist. Or take long walks and work it out by yourself. Or, here’s a thought, talk about the issues with your boyfriend with your boyfriend. Because unless you keep your business between the two of you, you’re never going to solidify as a couple.
Then your only choice will be to put on a lacy blouse, buy a tub of arsenic and spend your golden years poisoning men in your basement with your precious sister.
“We’re insane!”
And that probably wouldn’t be quite as much fun as it sounds.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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To My Daughter’s Godmother: You’re Fired.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband and I completely regret choosing the woman that we did for our daughter’s Godmother. We are no longer on speaking terms with her and she completely ignores my daughter. She hasn’t seen her in over a year and doesn’t send birthday cards or Christmas cards to her.
Can we fire her and make someone else her Godmother? Is there anything official that we can do about it?
Signed,
She Ain’t No Fairy Godmother
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Dear She Ain’t No Fairy Godmother,
Having just had twins two weeks ago, I can assure you that in a postpartum, fatigue induced haze, it’s hard to make any decision correctly, never mind picking the right Godparents for your child. So just be glad you didn’t express order a new hospital grade breast pump from Amazon and then mistakenly send it to your Aunt’s address in California instead of your own address. It’s amazing how a few clicks of the mouse can go so wrong, so quickly.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re actually in good shape. If you are no longer talking to this Godmother, then there is no need to fire her Donald Trump style or even bring up the issue. Simply choose a new Godmother. Explain to the new one that you’ve lost touch with your daughter’s first Godmother and you’d like her to take on this role if she’s willing. I would choose a close family member or a friend that your daughter already knows well.
Most people will consider this quite an honor but keep your expectations low. People get busy in their lives and even though they care, don’t always take the time to send birthday or holiday cards. Or hospital grade breast pumps.
But hopefully, the second time will be the charm. Good luck to you.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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Congradulations?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
We received a graduation announcement from my husband’s cousin’s son (did you follow that?) several months ago. We may have missed the event because it is buried in the disaster I call my office. Anyway, what’s the etiquette here? I bought a card (also buried under aforementioned crapola) but do I need to send a gift? Money? We never hear from this branch of kinfolk except Christmas cards. I don’t even know if it is a high school or college graduation! I would totally blow it off except I have befriended all of them now, including the graduate, on Facebook and they know I haven’t left the country. What should I do?
Signed,
Perplexed by Protocol
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Dear Perplexed,
See, this is why I always tell people to marry into a completely trashy family where nobody graduates from anything. Sure, you may be called upon to post bail for your second cousin twice removed’s common-law wife once in a while, but that’s only after she gets busted for selling meth at the prison rodeo. The rest of the year’s gravy.
But since you “followed your heart” and married a man whose relatives actually achieve things, let’s talk about your dilemma. Now personally, I’ve always been of the school that you only send graduation and wedding invitations and announcements to people who you actually know, or people your parents have talked to in the last decade. Otherwise the random greeting after years of silence always smacks of money grubbing to me. The “let’s send out 200 of these babies and see what sticks” approach, if you will.
(Although, let’s see what I think of this in 10 years when my oldest son graduates from high school and I start blanketing the tri-state area with his announcements so we can rake in enough money to afford his first year at Harvard.) (Oh, yeah. He’s getting in.)
Now, my advice would be to just send a card, but since you’re sort of friends with them on Facebook, you can add in $10 if it makes you feel better. But don’t take my word for it—here’s what EmilyPost.com has to say:
“If there is an actual invitation to the graduation ceremony, then I would consider this an invitation. Simply call whoever issued the invitation and RSVP whether it was requested or not. You may want to send a small gift or at least a congratulatory card to acknowledge the occasion since you were invited to the commencement.
By comparison, a graduation announcement would be sent after the ceremony is official, and would not obligate you to send a gift — it is simply a great way to share a huge accomplishment and wonderful news. In that case you may choose to send a gift, a card, and still or do nothing at all, but no recipient is required to send a gift.”
Hope that clears it up, Perplexed. And remember, next time—try to marry a guy whose relatives only graduate from head dishwasher to chief fry cook. You’ll thank me later.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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It Was an Accident, Let It Go.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
While visiting family a few months ago, my son got a bit rowdy and pinged my sister in the face. It was just an accident, but it left a little scratch. The scratch has since healed, but my sister is still not over it. Every time we’re on the phone she brings it up in either a guilting “woe is me” or judgmental “you need to control your kid” tone. My son was three years old at the time and didn’t mean to hurt her. He’s apologized. I’ve apologized. It should be done and over, right? And I repeat, JUST AN ACCIDENT. If she brings it up again, I may have to scratch her face… on purpose. You’re always so great with the witty retorts, Mouthy Housewives. What can I say to her to shut this down once and for all?
Signed,
Get Over It
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Dear Over It,
And so it starts. First, your son didn’t mean to scratch your sister’s face. Then, he didn’t mean to start the fire. And after that we transition nicely to the whole what hostages? He was just horsing around!
As a mom, it’s natural that you want to see only the good in your little boy, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not a menace to society who must be stopped. Your sister is doing you a favor in bringing it to your attention. Her civic duty, if you will. And as long as she lives in bizzaro-world, where toddlers are held to the same standard of behavior as adults, she will continue to harp on it.
Turn the tables on her. Not literally, of course, because you’d never hear the end of that. Ask her, “how is that scratch doing? Does the doctor say that there’s any hope? Any hope at all for a full recovery?” No doubt she’ll say that it healed, but don’t give up. Perhaps she should seek a second opinion. It’s possible, after all, that what appeared at first like a superficial scratch was really a deeper, more significant event that went beyond the skin and is now affecting her thought process.
If she insists that the doctor gave her a clean bill of health, let her know that you understand that she’s upset about being scratched by a child, but that as far as you’re concerned, the incident is over and you don’t want to discuss it anymore. And then think back to your own childhood. Surely she’d scratched, punched, kicked you at some point. You may have to get some repressed memory assistance if nothing comes to mind right away, but I am certain that by the next time your sister mentions that scratch, you’ll have a good story about her juvenile delinquency to retaliate with.
Chins up,
Marinka, TMH
