It seems that whenever I go out with my girlfriends, they spend so much time looking at their smart phones that I wonder even why they bother going out. I’ve mentioned that I find it rude but they sort of keep sneaking peeks, claiming that the babysitter may be trying to reach them.

Any ideas?

Signed,

Luddite
___________________________________

Dear Luddite (Does that rhyme with Crudite?),

Yeah, I hear you. I hear you because I also have friends and family members who tell me that I’m on my (Very) Smart (and Beautiful) phone all the time. But I can’t help it! What if I’m spending time with my friends like an idiot and miss an email about Target’s latest promotion or a text from one of my kids letting me know that the other one is a HUGE STUPID DUMMY! Or a tweet! OMG. What if someone tweets and I’m not there to see it? Will that tweet even exist?

If this existential exploration isn’t exactly what you had in mind, I have some other ideas.  (And I’m going to assume, based on your question, that you already had the mature “It bothers me when you constantly check your phone while we’re out together because it makes me feel like you’re not fully present and are also probably plotting to kill me” and “the babysitter may be trying to reach me” is the grandchild of “the dog ate my homework” discussion. )

1. Play a fun game! I heard of a new trend of everyone putting their phones into the center of the table and the first person to reach for hers pays for everyone’s dinner. Surf and Turf with truffles, here you come!

2. Every time someone checks her phone, say “OMG, is everything alright? What was THAT all about? No, I don’t believe that it was nothing. Let me see! GIVE ME THAT PHONE!”

3. Instead of meeting at local restaurant next time, try a nearby cave (call ahead to make sure there’s no WiFi). Spelunking is the latest craze! Probably.

Hopefully, you and your friends will find a happy medium (try Patricia Arquette!) and your friendship can survive this difference of opinion on etiquette.

Good luck,

Marinka, TMH

My good friend “Cindy” and I are both in our 40′s. She recently got divorced and now, quite understandably, she wants to go out to clubs and bars and start mingling. The problem is that she wants me to go with her because she doesn’t want to go alone. I’m happily married and don’t have the time or desire to hang out in a singles bar, but I still want to support her. Advice?

Signed,

Not Single, Don’t Wanna Mingle

_________________________

Dear Not Single,

One thing nobody tells you about in your 20′s—when you and all of your friends are out every night meeting guys—is that half of you will be doing it all over again 20 years later. Only this time most of the guys will be bald, disillusioned and taking medicine for their high cholesterol. It’s like Cocoon meets Sex and the City meets Dr. Oz. HOT!

Anyway, while you’re a good friend for supporting her, of course you can’t accompany her on her nightly Man Trawls or you’ll soon be divorced yourself. Therefore, I have a few (brilliant) suggestions for you:

1. Find another single or divorced woman you know and hook them up. They no doubt have a lot in common and would love to spend time going out to clubs together. (Think The First Wives Club, but without the poor writing and lip syncing to Motown songs.)

2. Suggest Cindy try another way of meeting men, such as Match.com, eHarmony or the new dating/tax service I just invented two minutes ago called “Heart o’ Tax” where you can go on a date with a CPA and have him do your taxes before he kisses you good night. 1099! 1099! Oh, God, 10…99!

3. Related to #2, see if she’s interested in being set-up with a single man you know, then maybe go on a double date. That way she still has you around as back-up, but it’s a little more civilized than a single’s bar where people lick things off of other people and then scream “Woohoo!” and have to go to the county health clinic a week later.

4. Do not, under any circumstances, call her a Cougar, a Puma or a Mountain Snow Leopard because it will only hurt her feelings. Unless, of course, she’s dating a 25-year-old guy named Colton who works at a kiosk.

But my biggest piece of advice is for you is to realize that she’s probably sewing some wild oats (or “sowing” if you prefer the “correct” usage of that term) and will calm down soon enough. Divorce is incredibly stressful and she’s now just enjoying herself as much as she can. So be there, support her and listen to the stories about all the hot guys she met last night.

Especially the bald ones who have high cholesterol.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

A few days ago, I ended a serious relationship. It was mutual and not a bad breakup but I have no desire to remain in contact with my ex simply for the sake of moving on. However, I am realizing that the majority of my friends were friends I met through him. So now I am left with very few friends and that seems to be the hardest part of this breakup.

I have never had many female friends and have always been a bit of a tomboy. So I’m not sure how to approach other women. Where the heck can I meet some cool friends, male or female?

Signed,

I Don’t Want You, Just Your Friends

_____________________________

Dear Friendless,

Can’t you barter with your ex? You know, he gets to keep all those cool snow globes you collected together and you get just one of his friends?

No? Selfish boy. Well, he is going to miss those snow globes.

I must begin by complimenting you on your maturity. When I’ve broken up with a guy, I’ve had a month long mourning process where I eat my weight in Sweet Tarts, watch Meg Ryan movie marathons nonstop and sob into my Pinot Grigio. It’s pretty ugly.  You are obviously a lot more emotionally mature than me and that will be a big advantage when it comes to making some friends.

As someone who once relocated all alone to Montana (a place with more cows than people and cows are not that great at small talk), I know how difficult it can be to make friends.  The best way to meet new people is to get involved in something you like to do – whether it’s kayaking, yoga, reading or belly dancing.

You are more apt to connect with people who share a passion with you. So join a club. And even if you’re not outgoing, make an effort to chat with people. Ask them lots of questions because people love to talk about themselves.

And what about your workplace? Are there any folks there who you could imagine starting a friendship with? If yes, ask them to do a power walk with you during lunch or grab a drink after work. Don’t make it a big time commitment in case perky Susie from accounting turns out to be a closet cat hoarder. Not that I don’t love cats. I do. Just not 36 of them.

Or try the site MeetUp as a way to connect with people in your area. Keep going out and meeting people until you click with one or two of them. You know, someone who enjoys the same stuff you do and laughs at all your jokes about your ex and his obsession with snow globes. I promise, your future pal is out there.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

My friend has always had a lot of male friends and colleagues, and she is pretty affectionate towards all of them. She found a boyfriend at the beginning of the year, who most of her friends know well (me included), and while they’re adorable together and most everyone is certain that they love each other, not all is right with the guy, and possibly not with her either. He’s an upstanding guy with a good reputation, but she and his past girlfriends say that he’s emotionally dependent. He is not a violent or abusive person, but as their mutual friend I think it hurts him to see her fill her social life. What should I do?

Signed,

I’m not Snooping, I’m Something Else Entirely

___________________________________

Dear Yeah Right,

Normally I find it somewhat endearing when friends are concerned about the relationships of their friends, but there’s something about this scenario that’s striking me as…fishy. I think it’s because I can’t tell if you’re more worried about his well-being or hers, and I think that there’s an underlying issue at work here.

Let’s play armchair psychiatrist for just a moment to see if we can crack the code.

Me: How do you feel about your friend’s affectionate behavior toward her mostly-male friend base?

You: I think it’s inappropriate and that she’s probably a whore.

See? I think we’re really getting somewhere here. Let’s keep going…

Me: When you think of her boyfriend seeing her behavior, what goes through your mind?

You: That he’s got some issues that are likely being triggered by her behavior and OH GOD I WOULD BE SO GOOD TO HIM WHY DOESN’T HE SEE ME?!

::offers Kleenex::

I think that’s enough for this week’s session.

The bottom line here is that this is not your problem to handle. It seems to me* that they both have some emotional baggage which needs to be sorted independently. For this reason, your intervention will do nothing to improve the situation, if it’s even one that needs improving to begin with.

*I am not a trained psychologist, I just play one on the Internet.

Good luck!

Kristine, TMH

I need help. My 3 year old is pretty well behaved when we are out to dinner. My wife and I are pretty quick to dispense justice…err… gently discipline him….when he is acting up. And when we are out to dinner as just a family it is very enjoyable. But, here is my problem, it gets incredibly stressful and downright exhausting when we are out with friends with kids his age and those friends don’t set the same…or ANY…boundaries.

I find myself correcting my son’s behavior while my friends do nothing to their child. I just want to yell at my friend, “hey bozo, you want to put the drink down for two seconds, step in here and tell your kid to stop screaming like a wild banshee and running around the restaurant?”

I don’t feel comfortable disciplining their child, and biting my tongue is growing increasingly annoying…and painful.

 I know every parent has their own boundaries. But how do you deal with the situation when the boundaries are so very different….or worse yet, nonexistent?

Signed,

Trying To Enjoy My Dinner

————————————————————

Dear Trying To Enjoy My Dinner,

There is nothing more exciting than children running freely around hot food and trays weighted down with ice-cold drinks! Instead of worrying about your child or your parenting responsibilities perhaps you should begin a betting pool to see which kid does the most damage? Or which waiter will bite the dust? It’s really fun for the whole family!!

Sure, there is a strong possibility your child may grow up to act like a total douchebag in public, but, really, you can look at this as just another fun family opportunity. One where you can bet on how big of a jerk your child can be by the age of 35? How many friends he will lose in a week? Or how many complaints he can get at work before getting fired? Fun! Fun! And more fun!

Of course, if you abhor joy and merriment and would prefer to take the Debbie-Downer approach, here are a few quick-fix options:

1)   The Duct Tape Solution: Simply duct tape offending child to his/her chair and, for absolute efficiency, duct tape mouth shut as well. Enjoy meal. This one is extremely effective although it may not allow you to keep your friends. Can also be used on rowdy frat boys.

2)   The Spike The Punch Solution: Nothing gets a child to behave faster than a slight sedative in his apple juice. This one is probably illegal but perhaps worth the punishment?  This one is used by rowdy frat boys.

3)   The Passive/Aggressive Solution: This one relies on constant comments like: “Wow, little Timmy sure is energetic. I bet you have to check your food for spit a lot when you go out.” Or “Little Timmy sure can yell. There’s nothing like a damaged eardrum to make me realize I should see my doctor for my annual checkup.” This one will probably make you hate yourself.

4)   The Craigslist Solution: Place an ad looking for new, better friends. This one may require several strange and awkward dinners with pervs, freaks, and a possible serial killer or two before you find a family with whom you click.

Of course, you can always forget the quick-fix options and try talking to your friend. Although, most people are not very receptive to hearing that they lack parenting skills. I think this depends on the friendship and the personalities of the people involved.

The best option, and one with the least chance of getting you arrested or tackled by rowdy frat boys, is to stick to just going out to dinner with your immediate family. If you want to meet up with your friends and their children, try and plan some time at a playground where all of the children can run off their energy. You may be dining alone now but you should remember that the consistent parenting you are doing will make for one fine young man down the road!

Good Luck,

Tonya, TMH

Anna has generously offered to give away a signed copy of her book to one of our lucky readers. As well as a $50 Amazon gift card so you can buy even more copies to give to everyone on your gift list! We told you she was awesome.

Now heeeeeere’s a little taste of Anna:

Sprechen Sie Lady Lingo?

Female relationships are a complex and beautiful ecosystem all their own, governed by rules and customs that – to a casual observer – might seem counter-intuitive, contradictory or just plain baffling.

And that’s okay.

I feel the same way when I hear someone speak Portuguese.  To me, it sounds like some kind of smokin’ jazz improvisation.  I wonder at the listener’s ability to decode the meaning, but somehow the message to make sure and buy kitty litter on the way home from the office is received and understood.

It is, of course, all about speaking the language.

One of the things that impressed me most while writing The CHICKtionary was the level of nuance built into female communications.  So much meaning relies on the delivery as well as shared, unspoken understandings about how life works.  (That’s not to say that men’s communications don’t operate on the same level, but as a non-native speaker, I’m reluctant to take a position on that.)

In a typical interaction between women about anything from food to fashion to relationships, a written transcript of the exchange would likely give the reader a misleading impression of the conversation – or even one that is 180 degrees from the truth.

I think this is very cool.  And also kind of funny.

And so I wanted to share with you some of the definitions from the book that highlight what I think is one of the fascinating aspects of female communication:  that all is not what it seems.

Anorexic, adjective

While this adjective is derived from the name of the serious and potentially fatal eating disorder anorexia nervosa, it is often used by women as a compliment.  For instance, if your friend is fretting that her cocktail dress makes her look chubby, the comment, “Are you kidding?  It’s perfect—you look anorexic!” would be met with smiles and thanks.  It’s worth noting that the disease-as-compliment construction seen here is extremely rare and, as of this writing, it is still considered bad form to tell someone that her new jeans make her look “herpes-ish” or “gall-stoned.”

Does This Make Me Look Fat? phrase

A seemingly straightforward yet treacherous question that requires different responses depending on the gender of the person to whom it is addressed.  When asked of a male, the reply must be a swift and emphatic, “No!”  Ideally, this will be followed immediately with glowing modifiers such as, “You look hot!” and “Are you kidding?  You need to gain a few pounds, hon!”  When asked of a female, an honest response is acceptable, provided it is couched in camouflage comments that blame the unflattering appearance on the hateful designer, lousy dressing room lighting, and/or cheap construction of the offending garment.

Friendly, noun

A person who may appear to be a member of your inner circle of friends, but in fact is not.  One level higher than an acquaintance on the friend scale, the friendly may be someone from work, or perhaps a person you talk to each day at the gym, even the neighbor with whom you chat while walking your dog each evening.  There is an invisible barrier between you, however, and whether she realizes it or not, the friendly’s security clearance is restricted.  She may know about the fight you just had with your boyfriend, but she doesn’t know that you put his stupid Rams jersey in the donation box at the Salvation Army . . . because she’s just a friendly.

Hawt, adjective

An affected spelling and pronunciation of the word “hot” associated with teens and tweens as well as those of more advanced age who would like to be identified with youth culture.  A popular term in texting, hawt is used to indicate extreme hotness, also described as attractiveness.  It is worth noting that, with the appropriate sneering delivery, hawt can take on an opposite meaning and become a term of derision, as in, “Oh, my, look at Krysta’s new mom jeans.  Hawt.”

I Hate You, phrase

This is one of those expressions that is, as they say, all in the delivery.  If spoken in a menacing or even straightforward manner, its meaning is, well, pretty clear.  If, on the other hand, it’s exclaimed by one female to another with a seemingly warm or jovial inflection, it becomes a complex expression of admiration and/or envy.  An example of this more subtle use of the phrase might be:  “Omigod, that dress makes you look so skinny!  I hate you!”  It’s important to realize that when someone uses this expression with you she actually does, in some small way, hate you.

Just Kidding, Love You, phrase

This is another phrase that pretends to mean the opposite of what it says (see also:  I hate you), thus allowing the speaker to “take back” the lousy thing she just said to you.  For example, “Chloe, you’re such a bitch—just kidding, love you!”  In order for the speaker to make this line work, the phrase must be accompanied by an aggressive smile and must immediately follow the insult or, better yet, be welded right onto it, as in, “Your hair looks so stupid todayjustkiddingloveyou!”

To enter this super giveaway, please leave a comment telling us who you think is “hawt” and/or tweet about Anna and our giveaway with the hashtag #mouthyhousewives. Contest ends next Tuesday, December 6th. Good luck, chickies!

I’m a photographer who absolutely adores her job. Nothing is more awesome than capturing memories with my family and friends. However, this career choice has come at a price.

I now find myself constantly on everyone’s guest list, even for my ‘not so close’ friends. But I think my popularity is only based on my camera. I’m not sure I’d be invited if I wasn’t going to capture all of their precious memories for them, for FREE.

I now wrestle with myself over attending these events. Often times, after I get over myself and just go I feel good about it. I get the photos and really enjoy having them UNTIL the inviter (I may have just made that word up) starts hassling and bugging me nonstop to have copies or a disk prepared for them immediately. I don’t feel like it’s right to charge my friends and family for me to be at their celebrations, but how do I tell them nicely that I’m not here for them to use and abuse?

Sincerely,

I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon
____________________________________________

Dear I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon,

Where did you say you lived? Near Brooklyn? Maybe you have next weekend free and would love to picnic in the park with me and my cuter-than-the-cutest-Gerber-baby son who is in dire need of a modeling contract? Also, can you pick up some sandwiches, a couple bottles of wine, and some cookies for the lunch? I’ll bring the blanket and the photogenic kid.

But after that, I would suggest that every once in a while you show up to a shindig without your trusty film-dependent sidekick. Keep everyone on their toes. They will learn pretty quickly not to rely on you to always have your camera and be their unpaid professional photographer. Unfortunately, I think this will be easier said than done.

It seems to me that part of the problem here is your lack of confidence in your own self-worth. While you may enjoy all the photos you take at these events, you may actually be way more scared that people only like you because of your camera. You are worried that if it’s not with you, they will stop inviting you. And for some of these folks, that could indeed be the case. But honestly, do you really want ‘friends’ who only like you because they can get your services for free?

You are lucky to be able to make a living doing something you love and enjoy; not a lot of people can say that. But part of being successful is knowing when to say ‘NO’. And you’ve got to do that, especially for those ‘not so close’ friends. As for your other friends and family, it’s a fine line you’re walking. It makes sense that you don’t want to charge them for your services, however, how will you continue to make a living? Perhaps you can take some pictures for free, but if they want the whole set they will need to pay something. Or maybe you can offer all of the photos at a reduced rate? No matter what you do, don’t undersell yourself. Take pride in your work, and more importantly, who you are as a person!

Good Luck,

Tonya, TMH

P.S. I’ll need 60 8x10s and about 200 wallet-sized photos. Thanks.

My husband wants to have sex with my best friend. We recently all went out for his birthday and I later found them on my bedroom floor clothed, but my husband was kissing her breast. She said she was drunk and didn’t do anything—including saying “no.”

We have been married 18 years and together since I was 15. He has cheated on me before and I know he has wanted her for a long time; she is very pretty and sweet. What do I do? I think he will eventually cheat with her.

Signed,

Married to a Cheaterpants

_________________________

Dear Married to a Cheaterpants,

Hmmmm, this one is a real head-scratcher of a question. And, quite honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to point you in the right direction here. Let me think, let me think, let me think….oh, I know! How about if we go back to your first sentence:

“My husband wants to have sex with my best friend.”

Should I call the moving van for you or would you prefer just a simple jetpack to blast your  ass out of this disgusting situation?

Because not to sound insensitive, but there’s not much of a gray area here, lady. He’s cheated on you before, he’s made it obvious he’s trying to sleep with your best friend and your best friend seems willing to go along with it. This is what we students of Lifetime Television refer to as “The Donna Mills Hot Mess Trifecta.” So unless you want to stick around to help raise your BFF and husband’s eventual love child, you need to get out while the gettin’s GOOD. (You can’t see me, but I’m doing that cool Jackée thing with my neck right now.)

I know leaving is way easier said than done, especially since you’ve been with him since you were 15 and probably have some co-dependency issues, but things are not going to get better. They’re just not. To quote Maya Angelou, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” And this guy has shown you time and time again that he’s nothing more than a complete asshole.

Call your friends, your family, your church—anyone who has the time, resources and love to help you, and start making plans to ditch this loser as well as your “best friend,” who may be “pretty and sweet,” but like this guy, isn’t any kind of friend I’d ever want. Jeez.

I know it’s tough, but listen: life’s too short to allow yourself to be treated like shit. The person you need to love the most right now is yourself because obviously nobody else is looking out for you. (Except us, because we’re just awesome like that.)

Please, keep us posted. We wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

I have a very close friend whom I’ve known since childhood. We lost touch, and then reconnected after we’d both married and had kids. She’s sweet, warm and kind but lately, I’ve been plagued by the thought that she might be suffering from Münchausen Syndrome By Proxy.

Her two young, high maintenance children are always sick. She works part-time at a hospital to make ends meet, so I just assumed she was bringing viruses home from work. But it seems like every day they have caught some new, terrible plague or are going to the ER. And she tells everyone about it on Facebook. Even her closest friends are starting to reply to her posts with, “Again?? Really??”

She has a lot of the classic red flags- She used to have a severe eating disorder, she has anxiety and self esteem issues, and she’s very clingy with her kids—she doesn’t like them to be out of her reach very often. Her marriage is often rocky. Yet for some reason, she even keeps talking about wanting more kids.

I hate to think my good friend could be doing something awful, but the more I read about the disorder and compare the information to her, the more uncomfortable I feel about it. I don’t know what to do.

Signed,

Cautiously Concerned

——————————————–

Dear Cautiously Concerned,

Before we begin to discuss your friend, let’s talk about the Internet for a minute. First, I understand your anxious researching of symptoms. I, myself, am an expert in this. In fact, at this moment I am probably dying from African trypanosomiasis. The problem is that while I have most of the symptoms of this disease, in reality, an illness tends to be more complicated than a simple checklist.

The other thing to keep in mind about the glorious interweb and its social networking, is that some people confuse Mark Zuckerberg’s creation with actual therapy sessions. It’s also hard to really know a person from their Facebook posts. For instance, most of my FB friends assume I’m only interested in images of cats in costumes but this is not the entire picture. I also like photos of dogs in funny hats. So it’s important not to put too much diagnostic weight on anyone’s Facebook status.

Now, on to your friend. Münchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSbP) is a serious and extremely complicated condition. One of the main problems in its diagnosis has to do with the similarities to an actual, organic issue with a child. It is possible that the stress in the household has caused the two children to have anxiety or depression that can manifest itself in physical ways. It’s also possible that there is something in the home that could be causing all types of illnesses, such as a mold infestation.  Or the kids are just being the petri dishes of bacteria that most children really are. I’m not saying that MSbP couldn’t be happening but I’m also not saying that it is. It’s important in a situation such as this to rule out other possible causes.

Also, anxiety, depression and being a helicopter mom do not necessarily translate into MSbP. The eating disorder early on in her life was probably a symptom of her anxiety and depression and is not necessarily indicative of someone who will grow up to abuse her children. Certainly, these days, with Kate Middleton, LeAnn Rimes and Rachel Zoe as role models it’s difficult to find a woman who doesn’t have an eating disorder or is not contemplating one. (Does the Grapefruit Diet work?)

You seem like a really good friend. And there may be reason to worry, but before jumping to conclusions (don’t worry, we all do it) I’d suggest a serious sit down with her. Try and get her to open up about her marriage, the stresses in her life, and how she may or may not be dealing with them very well. If you are still extremely concerned, keep track of how often her children are sick or in the hospital and how she reacts to these situations then seek the advice of a medical professional. Even then, I would proceed with extreme caution.

Good Luck to you and your friend,

Tonya, TMH

One of my best friends just had a baby. We went to dinner with him, the baby’s mama and the new baby.  All was fine, until the baby got hungry and the mama fed the baby. Let me clarify, the mama was drinking and then breastfed the baby. The mama consumed three pints of beer over the course of about three hours and fed the baby three times while I was there. Now, I don’t have kids, and I’m not a doctor, so I didn’t say anything. But, later I brought this up to some friends and they said I should have said/done something.

To make matters worse, the mama posts a lot on Facebook, including things like outrageously long sleeping times for the baby and how she wishes she could drink more to deal with life, but says that breastfeeding limits her alcohol intake. I feel at a loss. I feel like she’s doing things she shouldn’t do and may be hurting her baby in the process. My best friend didn’t say a word the entire night, and actually tends to encourage her drinking.

This situation is really difficult to watch, especially since my husband and I have been trying for years to get pregnant and are having issues. We aren’t even sure if having a child is going to happen for us.

Do I say something? Do I call Child Services? Do I let it go for fear of being that irrational woman who jeopardizes a 20+ year friendship? Help!

Signed,

Mama Didn’t Just Do That, Did She?

———————————————————–

Dear Mama Didn’t Just Do That, Did She?,

First, I am mother, but I am not a medical professional, although, frankly, I really should be. Especially, given the amount of self-help books I’ve read and the number of hypochondriac websites I visit on a weekly basis. But I do believe that you have a right to be alarmed.  I’m not going to sugar coat it, this is a tough situation. Having three drinks in three hours and breastfeeding a baby three times adds up to definite inappropriate behavior. Normally, I try to reserve my judgement of other mothers to the celeb moms I see in Us Weekly, but this case sounds like a very unhealthy state of affairs. Not only was that a possibly damaging amount of alcohol for a child to consume, it’s also dangerous when you consider the responsiveness needed to care for a newborn baby.

It could be that the baby’s mama is overwhelmed and/or depressed, and instead of knowing how to deal with it or whom to turn to, she’s using alcohol to soothe these feelings. Unfortunately, she now has another life depending on her so drinking beer non-stop is not the correct way to fix the situation. It also seems that your friend might be in denial. Don’t misunderstand me—I’m not making excuses for them. I’m simply stating what could be going on.

That being said, you need to have a very serious conversation with your friend. I realize that you may be putting a 20+ year relationship in jeopardy, however, there is a newborn involved who can’t speak up for him/herself. It’s possible that your friend may be upset or angry with you for bringing up the mama’s alcohol consumption, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t even see it. And, it’s also very likely that the mother may need help.

I would try and discuss the situation in terms of your concern for how the mother and baby are doing. Try and leave out the Facebook updates, if possible, since it’s hard to know what she’s really doing and also if the baby’s sleep cycle is related in any way to her possible alcohol consumption.

Keep the discussion concrete. Talk about what you witnessed. You could also try and get your friend to open up about how he feels, how their relationship is faring, and what may be really going on. Make sure your friend understands that this is coming from a place of love and you simply want to help.

Some people may not agree with me, but I would suggest you hold off contacting Child Services unless you witness any other occasions where this woman is drinking heavily and putting her child in real danger. I know this is a difficult situation for you on many levels, but it seems that you are willing to do what is right for your friend and his child.

This is such a complicated subject that I would also like to encourage our readers to weigh in. It’s possible that one of them has had a similar situation and maybe they can tell you what did or didn’t work.

Good Luck,

Tonya TMH