When Friends Try to Ruin Your Wedding Day with Good News
Today The Mouthy Housewives are lucky enough to have Becky of The Tales of Princess Mikkimoto as our Friday guest poster. If you don’t follow this gal on twitter, you must to immediately improve your quality of life and happiness. Now Becky used to be a very funny single girl and now she is a very funny engaged girl. So when this question was sent to us about wedding etiquette, we knew she was the perfect person to answer it.
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Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am getting married soon and busy planning every detail of my wedding. I just found out that my fiancé’s best friend and wife are pregnant. I’m thrilled for them but don’t want their news to overshadow my wedding. I just want one day to be the queen of the ball.
I asked my fiancé if his friends could delay their baby news until after the wedding and he got very upset with me. He thinks I’m being a total bridezilla and that you can never have too much good news in one day. I just don’t want them passing around a sonogram picture while I’m walking down the aisle. Is my fiancé right? Have I turned into bridezilla or am I allowed one day that’s all mine?
Signed,
Am I Bridilicious or more of a Bridezilla?
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Dear B or B,
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. As a bride-to-be myself I know how exciting this all is. The planning every little detail, envisioning yourself coming down the aisle, the reception with your friends and family all having their eyes on beautiful you…
But here’s the rub. See that guy up there at the alter looking all suave in his tux? Yeah, that guy. The one you are promising to love, cherish and blah blah blah from this day forward. Unless you are mistaking your wedding for a royal coronation, it’s his day too.
I know it would be a whole lot easier if he wasn’t included in the package. I’m sure you could have registered for wedding gifts in an hour flat if he hadn’t weighed in with all those opinions about stemware. But without that guy, you actually wouldn’t be getting married at all. So if these are his friends and he wants to share their good news, you are going to have to let him. And now you’ll get your dream wedding cake instead of that New York Yankees inspired one that he so wanted.
Also since these are friends, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt that they won’t pass their sonogram down the aisle or jump up during, “Does anyone have any objections as to why…” with “HEY! We’re PREGNANT!”
You really can never have too much good news and it won’t take away from your special day. I promise. If I’m wrong you personally have my permission to show up at my wedding, grab the mike away from the best man’s toast and announce, “The groom bedded more girls than Tiger Woods!!”
And some more good news… with your pregnant friend there, it’s one less person doing shots with Uncle Pete at the open bar.
Have a beautiful wedding,
Signed,
Becky, TMH
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Facebook May End My Marriage
It’s nothing but excitement around here as we welcome our Friday guest poster, Beej from The Bean. Beej is one hilarious blogger and actually less scary in person, even if she struggles with how to congratulate you on your boob job. After you’ve read her advice, check out her funny blog, you won’t be disappointed.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband is addicted to updating on Facebook and I’m annoyed that all of our friends seem to know stuff about me. Nothing private, but like what we did over the weekend. I hate Facebook. Can this marriage survive?
Signed,
Facebook Hater
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Dear Facebook Hater,
Listen. Facebook is an addiction. Just like some people wind up hooked on drugs, gambling or sex, other people find themselves unable to escape the demon of Facebook dependence.
It often starts with “gateway” social media like Twitter — once the budding addict develops a taste for 140 characters, he suddenly needs moremoremore and goes looking anywhere for that next fix.
And there’s Facebook. Leaned up all casual-like against the school fence. Saying, “Hey, man, wanna try something COOOOOOL?” Before you know it, your poor guy’s completely strung out on pillow fights and Farmville. He can’t STOP himself from telling the world what you had for breakfast or how many hours you spent in the can. He’s a junkie.
Perhaps an intervention should be planned. (Interventions are awesome because they often involve snacks.) Gather a bunch of friends at your house one night. Get everyone drunk and when your husband comes home after a long day at work, have them jump out screaming and scare the hell out of him. He’ll love it! He’ll walk around hugging his friends and saying things like “I can’t believe you guys!” and “It’s not even my birthday!” while he plans his next status update in his head about how lucky he is. And you guys can all snicker behind his back for a while until you finally sit him down and circle like a pack of wolves. And then you can take his hand and say, “But seriously, honey, we think you have a problem…”
(Be sure someone’s there with a camera to capture that special moment. He’ll want to post that later.)
Most importantly — BE PATIENT! Facebook addiction can’t be overcome in just one day. It’ll take hard work and hours of counseling. Your husband faces weeks of painful withdrawals, and you’ll have to be there for him every step of the way. It’ll be hard on you both, but if you can make it – and that’s a big “IF” — your marriage will come out even stronger than it was before this hellish nightmare began.
If you guys DON’T make it, though, tell him to look me up on Mafia Wars.
Signed,
Beej
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Psst! Will you be done with your ironing by Tuesday, March 9th? And are you in NYC? Or at least a broomstick ride away from it? If so, great! Please come to an Afternoon of Indulgent Moments! Featuring Dove Chocolate and Gallo wine, and decadent treats and beauty and relaxation treatments, and did we mention DOVE CHOCOLATE AND GALLO WINE?!
How do you reach this Nirvana? Go to The Chelsea Market, 75 Ninth Avenue, in NYC, 3 to 7 pm on Tuesday, March 9th, and just tell them that The Mouthy Housewives sent you.
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Take This Job and Shove It?
Today we welcome with open-arms our fabulous guest-poster Lisa from Smacksy. If you haven’t read Smacksy before, get there as fast as you can. Lisa is a charming, funny, down-to-earth writer who regularly regales her readers with what it’s like to live with a preschooler named Bob who doesn’t like to wear pants. We’re honored to have you, Lisa!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am really angry because a slacker colleague got a bigger raise than I did. I found out about it because she assumed that we got the same amount and told me. I am now very upset, and my morale is at an all-time low. Do I say something to my boss or suck it up?
Signed,
Raise A Stink?
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Dearest R.A. Stink,
Deep in the job history that is not represented on my resume, I was employed as a food server, or as we referred to it in the olden days, a “waitress.” One busy lunch shift, I confided in another waitress, Pammy, that our manager, Felix had been subtly hitting on me. Never anything blatant enough to call him on, but Felix stood too close, he would brush up against me, and had a skeezy overall vibe. This outraged Pammy. I soon found out that Pammy and Felix had actually been seeing each other on the down low for a few months. Once I knew that she knew and he knew that I knew that she knew and he knew the whole deal was awkward for all involved.
My first point is if your slacker co-worker is a pleasant horse-faced gal named Pammy, she may very well be sleeping with your boss. My second and sharper point is that you never really know what goes on behind the scenes in the workplace or why people make the money they do. Your lazy cubicle roommate may have an MBA that you don’t, or job experience that you don’t, or better salary-negotiating skills than you do. It doesn’t really matter.
You’re going to have to nut up. Bringing the discrepancy up to your boss will only brand you as a bitter whiner and out your lazy colleague as a big mouth. The gift in all this is that when it comes time for your next review, you will have inside knowledge that puts you in a better position to ask for the “going rate” for your position.
Be cool to the blabber-mouthed slacker. She unwittingly did you a favor… and the way things are going, she could be your new supervisor.
Best,
Lisa, Guest TMH
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Stop Copying Me, You Copycat
Today we are honored to welcome our Guest TMH, Anna Lefler, mistress of the hilarious blog Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder. Ms. Anna is a novelist, a humorist, a lover, a fighter, a Sagittarius (unconfirmed), a blonde and one hell of a funny writer. (And she’s also one of the most genuinely nice people we’ve ever met.) Please welcome Anna to TMH, and be sure to go visit her at her own joint. You’ll be glad you did. Thanks, Anna!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a blog and have recently noticed that a friend seems to be very influenced by my writing style. She wrote about a topic a few weeks after I did, without linking to me or anything. Confront or drop?
Signed,
Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Ripping Me Off
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Dear Imitation,
I think it’s important to remember that this is exactly why the Internet was invented. “But, Anna,” I hear you saying, “I thought the Internet was invented so scientists at different universities could easily communicate.” No, that is a widespread urban myth or, as we professionals call it, a “total pantload.” The Internet was, in fact, invented for two reasons: 1. to facilitate the evolution of the species known as “social media guru,” and 2. to provide a virtually limitless supply of content for bloggers who can’t think up their own ideas.
Unfortunately, many people forget this, instead taking the selfish view that content they single-handedly create is somehow “theirs.” (Believe me, some folks get downright aggressive about protecting their “ideas.” I could go into detail, but my lawyer says I shouldn’t talk until the settlement is finalized. Whatever.)
Anyway, my advice to you is to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Am I sharing nicely with the blogosphere…or am I hoarding my creativity?” I believe once you adjust your perspective you will embrace your role on the supply side of the Internet content equation. From then on, you will stand tall and proudly display the blog badge honoring the vital service you perform as an ICP – Involuntary Content Provider.
Onward,
Anna, Guest TMH
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My Friend Is Dowdy. How Do I Help?
When Stephanie Smirnov agreed to do a guest post for The Mouthy Housewives, I squealed with joy. And not just because it meant that I had one less post to write. Stephanie is a sort of Wonder Woman: wife (to a RUSSIAN!), mother, high powered professional and super glamorous, to boot. If she weren’t so nice and wonderful, I’d really have to work extra-hard to contain my envy. Stephanie’s blog, PR Mama, is always smart and fun, so make sure to check it out! — Marinka, TMH
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Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I love my best friend from college, but her look is so dated. She’s got tons of gray hairs, her make-up is the same make-up she wore in 1993 and her clothes are just awful. So dowdy. I love her to death, but she is making herself look years older. Any thoughts on how to improve her look without hurting her feelings?
Signed,
Fashion Plate
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Dear Fashion Plate,
I’d love to know just what kind of a 1993 look your friend is rocking. It wasn’t all bad back then – Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle and Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal? That’s right – 1993. Serious cuteness. I am nothing if not intuitive, however and the angst in your note suggests your girlfriend’s look leans more towards “Designing Women” and “The Nanny.” Which is troubling, but solvable.
I see two options for you:
#1: Abdicate responsibility. Fire up an episode of “What Not to Wear” on the DVR the next time your friend’s heading your way for a visit. If you act sufficiently engrossed, she’ll probably join you on the couch and if you’re lucky, absorb the style and beauty lessons of Clinton and Stacy and their hair and makeup gurus automatically. Your friend will come away inspired to go shopping for a cute jacket that “gives her a waist” and a box of Clairol Perfect 10 without you ever having to say a word.
#2: Throw yourself under the bus. Tell her you’re feeling frumpy and out of date and would she accompany you on a girls’ day out of beauty and clothes shopping? Say you need the company and moral support. The assumption is she will get swept up in the makeover fun herself and be open to fashion advice. This doesn’t have to be expensive, and if you’re clever, you can enlist professionals to do your dirty work. Most department stores offer free personal shopping services; call to book one for the two of you and let them know in advance that your real agenda is to help update your friend’s look. They’ll do the heavy lifting. Same strategy for the makeup makeover. That same department store has legions of beauty advisers working the counters of their cosmetic department just waiting to give you a free consultation. Swing by the counter the day before, make a small purchase from one of the ladies to butter her up, and enlist her in your effort. When you come back the next day with your friend, she’ll be armed with blush brushes and mascara wands and ready to rumble.
I suppose there is a third option, but it’s the most challenging and potentially the most painful. Which is to be flat-out honest with your friend. But knowing how sensitive this topic is, no one would judge you for taking a more circuitous approach. Though not too circuitous because unless a “Designing Women” revival is on the pop culture horizon, she really needs your help.
Good luck,
Stephanie, Guest TMH
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Hang on to your maxi-pads, ladies, because we’ve got an exciting new giveaway this week! One lucky reader will win a copy of Elissa Stein & Susan Kim’s fabulous new book FLOW: The Cultural History of Menstruation! As Library Journal put it, FLOW discusses that time of the month with “wit, sarcasm, and common sense . . . the authors use a pop culture lens to posit a modern, feminist, female perspective on menstruation.” We love this book.
To enter, simply leave a comment this week on one of our posts and/or send us a question to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. Whichever you decide to do, please mention FLOW so you’ll be entered in the contest. Good luck!
The BlogHer Housewives Scoop:
Fabulous news on the cocktail front… The Mouthy Housewives are throwing a happy hour party at BlogHer 2010 this summer!! If you want to find out all the details and how to sign up when the time comes, join our Facebook group by clicking here.
And remember, whether you’re going to BlogHer or not, we need your votes!! Aunt Becky, Marinka, Wendi, and I (of The Mouthy Housewives and Mommy Wants Vodka) have put in for a Room of our Own on how to create a successful, entertaining advice site.
So please just click here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session.” This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!
