I’m Allergic To Your Attitude
Today we are excited to welcome Ryan, who writes the wonderful and delicious blog, Will’s Kitchen. Will is Ryan’s son who was diagnosed with multiple allergies at a very early age. Now three years old, Will and Ryan cook together, creating recipes that use uncommon ingredients. Witty writing and fantastic recipes? Yes, please!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My son has just started preschool. He has a severe peanut allergy and as a result of this the school has instituted a new policy with regard to lunches and snacks, restricting foods that have been made with nuts.
This new policy has made a number of parents angry and worried about what they are now supposed to pack for their kids. To make matters worse the director of the school recently “outed” my son at a parent-teacher meeting as the cause for this new policy.
How do I handle the judgment and frustration I’m getting from these other parents? And how do I get them to understand my son’s problem?
Signed,
Put Down The Pitchforks
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Dear Pitchforks,
First of all, I’m very surprised to hear that the preschool didn’t have a no-nuts policy to begin with! This is a global issue that receives a lot of attention, so even if your son is the first child in the school with the peanut allergy — he certainly will not be the last.
Kudos to the policy, you should be proud! Allergies in general have always gotten a bad rap when it comes to taking them seriously, from pollen to bees to peanuts, and with peanut butter being a staple in most American diets — denial is rampant.
Is it a problem that the other parents now have to think creatively outside of the peanut box, sending the tykes off to preschool without their Snickers Bars or peanut butter filled sodium bomb pretzels? Or is it because you are asking people to take the time to read the ingredients? Because, damn you for making other parents realize what their kids are eating! Apples these days are quite yummy.
But the issue at hand is that your son is different and others are being affected as a result. As with all allergies, everyone needs to take on the “village to raise a child” mentality. This is almost impossible to ask of others, so you’re going to have to take the initiative to show how serious the situation actually is.
In the case of Will, my preschool aged son, who is not only allergic to peanuts but also eggs, cow’s milk, tree nuts, strawberries and bananas, I offer to bring in snacks for the whole class. I also generated a list of alternative foods and brands for his teachers and other parents –to alert them that on the grocery shelf right next to the pretzels that were manufactured in a facility that handles peanuts, there is usually another brand that is completely peanut-free.
A simple switch in brands is relatively painless even for the parents most resistant to change. In addition, there are numerous resources online that make dealing with this issue even easier. Helping the other parents to understand will make them feel more comfortable, and it won’t hurt your standing with the teachers at the next parents night either.
Once people are shown how easy it can be to manage the allergy list, their eyes kind of find their way back into their sockets. Unfortunately, as with life, there are always going to be the haters that refuse to change and fight about conforming to new policies — if only it were a perfect world!
Signed,
Ryan, Guest Mouthy Housewife
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The Wedding of My Dreams is Turning into a Nightmare!
We’ve got another guest Mouthy Housewife joining us today! This time, The Mouthy Housewives welcome the lovely Megan Anderson of Rad Megan: In Words and Pictures. Megan is a craft blogger and all-around rockstar, and I love her despite the fact that she makes my family craft hour look like bathroom graffiti at the state penitentiary. (THANKS MEGAN.) Her blog hosts a pirate’s bounty worth of crafting, cooking, and gardening ideas.
And just recently, Megan created an online tutorial that guides you through the art of craft photography, so it looks like there might be hope for the rest of us!
Today, she’s got some insight for a bride-to-be that is competing for the attention of her soon-to-be groom with her in-laws. Take it away, Megan! –Kristine
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My fiancé and I wanted a private wedding ceremony this fall, but his parents found out and were extremely upset. They tried guilting him into involving at least their family, completely disregarding our wishes for a wedding we are paying for. Thankfully he has somewhat fended for us, but he did so by lying to them, telling his family that we are not getting married until next summer with a “traditional” wedding. (But the truth is that we’re just going to go through with it without telling anyone.)
Cue more problems. Our secret wedding is next month and everything was looking well until his vacation time had the possibility of being obliterated. He told his supervisor that he really needs the time off, but refuses to tell them that it’s due to us getting married because…wait for it…his dad works at the same company! I get that he wants to not upset his family until after we’ve already gone through with it, but I find it pretty ridiculous that he feels he can’t fight for his vacation. He seems more concerned about their feelings than the possibility all our wedding plans may get royally screwed.
He tells me I’m overreacting, but I don’t know. We are starting a family, and yet it feels it is being somewhat controlled by his family. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Sidelined Bride
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Dear Sidelined Bride,
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! As someone who eloped in Hawaii, I understand the allure of a low-cost/low-stress “private” wedding ceremony. I also appreciate how challenging it can be when the family gets wind of the plans and then tries to change them. From their point of view, a wedding is a day to be shared with loved ones. From yours, it’s an intimate, private occasion. Your fiancé’s point of view is…well…what, exactly? I’m sure you two are both stoked about starting your lives together, but if he’s waffling about taking time off to get married, we’ve got a wee issue.
Would the Princess Bride have been the romantic cinematic benchmark it was if Westley had said, “As long as it’s ok with my parents” instead of “As you wish?”
I’m not saying your fiancé needs to prove his love by bowing to your every request, but I think you two need to be on the same page when it comes to the kind of wedding you are actually having. I’m guessing that if he lied to his family and said there would be a traditional wedding next summer, a teeny weenie part of him WANTS that. While it is your day, “mawwage” is full of compromise; so understanding what’s really important to the both of you should be laid out on the table before the rings are exchanged. Maybe you guys sneak off and have your quickie ceremony (if that’s what you’re both into) and then plan a family-friendly reception next summer complete with vow-reenactment and Andre the Giant ablaze outside the church. It may feel like the in-laws are pulling the strings, but if you and Westley (or, whatever your fiancé’s name is) are united as a team, everything else will fall into place.
Talk it out, really listen to each other, and have fun storming the castle!
xoxo
Megan, Guest TMH
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The Education of a Room Mom
It’s Guest Post Thursday! (It is Thursday, isn’t it? Time just flies when you’re Swiffering!) Today we welcome an expert at navigating the other moms at school—Lela Davidson! Lela is a fabulous writer who has a new book out called Blacklisted from the PTA. Perfect reading for those of us who’d rather join the Witness Protection Program than frost cookies for a bake sale. Check out Lela’s answer, then check out her book! — Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I just became Room Mom of my daughter’s Pre-K class. I didn’t really want to do it, but nobody else volunteered. The first event I did—a Welcome Breakfast–was a simple affair because the kids are still young and I didn’t have a lot of time to organize. I thought it was fine, but now I hear that a lot of the moms were making fun of the event and calling it a “Cheap Breakfast.” Should I say something to them? Make sure the next thing I do is nicer? Hit them with my car? This is all new to me and I’m panicking!
Signed,
Dubious Room Mom
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Dear Dubious,
Wow, and congratulations! Room mom is quite an accomplishment. But be honest, nobody else volunteered? Or did the other moms duck to avoid the flying clipboard you knocked out of your rival’s unsuspecting hands? Maybe not, but anyone who uses the words “event” and “affair” to describe a social event for five-year-olds could be headed down the perilous path of the PTA Queen Bee. Be careful, my friend.
To your question, may I ask who you’re trying to please? Because half those kids would be happy sucking on a glue stick. If it’s the moms’ approval you’re after—good luck with that. Seriously, what’s wrong with a cheap breakfast? What did they expect—scrambled eggs Benedict and Poptarts with the crusts cut off? Were you supposed to spend hours cutting fruit into animal shapes and arranging it on skewers? (Never introduce sharp objects, by the way. You don’t want to arm these women.)
As for what other moms are saying about your efforts, unless you heard this with your own ears, beware of the messenger. She is likely a drama-seeking, pot-stirring, soap opera-watching, bored out of her mind bitch who masks her menace in concern. Maybe she sounds something like this: “Cindy should keep her big mouth shut, except she can’t, on account of the Botox. Bless her heart.”
Or is it more like: “How does it feel when everyone in the whole entire school thinks you’re a cheap skank who doesn’t love her kids enough to buy the real French Toastix?”
Either way, she is not your friend.
And finally, if you’re panicking because you think other moms’ impressions of you will impact your child, let me assure you, they will. These power moms determine who gets the good teachers, the last chocolate milk, and the lead in the school talent show. This is the Big Leagues, Baby. But if you want to play with the mommy elite, you play by their rules, which include conforming to ludicrous standards for the preschool social hour. That said, never EVER waste valuable time endearing yourself to mean moms when you could be sucking up to the teacher instead. Priorities, Rookie.
Managing the academic and social life of your children is difficult, but any woman who navigated the horrors of her own middle school is fit for the task. Hold your head high, toss some grapes in a bowl, and bust out the grocery store muffins. Bottom line, relax. Otherwise you risk turning yourself into one of those bitches I sometimes accidently bump with my car.
Love,
Lela, Guest TMH
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Is My Husband A Pig Or Does My Computer Have A Virus?
Today, we’re lucky enough to have Liz from Flourish in Progress giving out advice. If you’re not a regular reader of Liz’s blog yet, just you wait. Between the Monday Dares and updates on her No Shopping Project, Liz consistently hits the funny mark. Besides the funny, one of the reasons that I love Liz is that there is always an element of surprise in her posts. Something that you just didn’t see coming (in case you weren’t sure what “surprise” meant.) This is the post that started my adoration for Liz. Enjoy! – Marinka
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Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m in trouble and I really need some clear perspective on my problem, ’cause my brain feels like jelly right now…really thick, dark kind of kelly. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years, married for the last 8 years and we have a 2 year old boy. I’ve been a SAHM since he was born. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, like everyone else, and the last couple of years have been difficult. I thought we loved each other enough to get through it all, it seems I was wrong.
While working on my PC, I discovered some cookies with addresses of sites for adults only…and one of those addresses led me to a site which connects people who are searching for sex partners available near our location. Since my husband and I are the only ones who use this PC, my heart stopped.
I’ve confronted him about it, but he denies everything, his explanation being that it must be a virus on the computer. And I don’t know what to believe or to do. I feel angry, sad, lost…Please put me out of my misery and offer me some guidance.
Signed,
What Now?
______________________________
Dear What Now,
First things first: Do you want your husband to stay or do you want your husband to go?
Normally, I’d suggest an honest heart-to-heart, but I can see that’s not going to work here. A virus? Please. The only virus here is the douchebag bug that’s infected your husband.
If you find it in your heart to forgive him, remind me to send you a medal. Personally, I’d rather bust my own kneecaps than forgive a man who’s trolling the internet for sex with strangers. Ask yourself: are you okay with this happening again? Is this the kind of behavior you want your son to learn? Are you teaching your son that this kind of tomfoolery is okay if you stay? (Answer key: No, No, Yes.)
If we were sitting across from each other, this is where I would supply you with several cocktails, take your hand, and tell you this-
Homegirl, let’s keep it real. Life is too short and your time is too limited to put off being happy and secure for any longer. If you choose to move on with your marriage, you’ll become obsessed with checking his mobile devices, computer, and mail. You won’t be living your own life. You’ll be trapped into making sure another person is living their life correctly. And that’s just not something you can do.
This is all coming from a place of someone who truly gets what you’re going through. I spent too many sleepless nights being miserable over a partner’s deceit before I made the choice to let him go. You know what? He’s still the same person today. An asshole. Letting him go was one of the best decisions I ever made. More importantly, it freed me to meet the right person.
I want that for you. You deserve it.
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Tattoo You! And Maybe Me
It’s time for a Guest Mouthy post, where a very smart friend of The Mouthy Housewives takes over for the day while The Mouthy Housewives attend some mandatory Continuing Education in the Advice Giving Arts classes. Today we’re lucky to have Kristen, she of Rage Against the Minivan and of She Posts. She’s so smart and funny that we don’t even mind that she’s beautiful. Much. -Marinka
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend told me that he wants us to tattoo our each other’s names on our bodies. I’m not into it. Now he’s all hurt. I do love him, but I don’t love the idea. I think it’ll hurt and his name is long. Also, I’m 35. Isn’t it too old to start inking? My kids would flip.
Signed,
Ink-Free
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Dear Ink-Free,
I don’t blame you for being hesitant to tattoo a boyfriend’s name on your body. You’re right . . . tattoos hurt. But you know what hurts even worse? Tattoo removal.
I think one red flag to me in this scenario is that he is your boyfriend, not your husband. You haven’t even made the commitment of walking down the aisle together, so why would you want to permanently put his name on your body? Your hesitancy is completely reasonable. The fact that his feelings are hurt is also concerning. Does he want to brand you? Or control you? Will he feelings be hurt every time you don’t comply with a crazy-ass request?
Even if he was your husband, though, my advice would be the same. DON’T DO IT. I’ve been a marriage and family therapist for 10 years, and the only thing more predictable in leading to the break-up of a marriage than sleeping with someone else? Getting a tattoo of your partner’s name*. It is almost inevitable that you break up. The name tattoo is the ultimate relationship jinx. Think you’ve found your soul mate? Tattoo his name on your arm and let me know how things are going in a year.
If you are really keen on tattoos, then you should get a tattoo. Not because he wants you to, but because you want to have a tattoo on your body. My sister-in-law’s grandma is 82 and just got a tattoo of Betty Boop on her arm – you’re never too old to ink. If you want to have something meaningful to this particular relationship, make it symbolic enough that it’s not completely specific to one person. Something that can stand alone when or if you break up. Something that you don’t have to explain in your next relationship, or to your future children with someone by another name.
And please, for the love of all things design, no vine of roses around the ankle or tribal symbols on your lower back. We’ve seen enough of those, haven’t we? Pinterest is a great place to get inspiration for tasteful, modern tattoos. They also have great ideas for crafting. Maybe needle-pointing his name on a pillow would be a more practical solution.
Sincerely,
Kristen, Guest TMH
*This fact has not been verified by actual science
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