I’m Pregnant And Depressed But Are Drugs The Answer?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am currently almost 4 months pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I was taking an antidepressant. I immediately got off of it. My problem is that I am now suffering from severe depression and having panic attacks almost every day.
I went to see a new OB/GYN at the suggestion of a friend (my old OB wasn’t well versed in medications). This doctor believes that it would be better for me to be on the antidepressant than to suffer like this through the rest of my pregnancy. She has even suggested that I see a psychiatrist.
My problem is that I’m really conflicted and scared. I don’t want to hurt my baby. My family thinks that if I take anything it will detrimental to my child’s health. I really want to do what is right for my baby but I don’t think that my current mental and emotional state is helping either. What should I do?
Please help!
Anxious About Antidepressants
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Dear AAA,
People are really great because just as we all bleed red (except Tom Cruise, I think his insides are made of green slime) we also all have opinions. And we love to share them!
I’m not sure if any of your family members are medical professionals so I can’t speak to their qualifications but even so, it’s possible that their closeness to the situation is interfering with their judgment. And family pressure can be especially difficult to handle.
It’s best to begin to draw your boundaries now because this is just the tip of the iceberg. Wait until you have chosen a name for the child, at least 75% of your family will know a dog, drug addict, or vagabond with that name. And when you want to sleep train or not sleep train your child you will get no fewer than 20 suggestions as to what you should really do, these may or may not include the following:
-give the baby a drop of whiskey
-wear ear plugs
-sleep with your child until they are 12
-bundle the baby in no less than 5 layers, including hat and mittens
-walk around the crib 2 times clockwise
-call Tom Cruise and ask his advice
The good news is, it sounds like your new OB/GYN is being extremely careful. The fact that she even wants you to go and see a psychiatrist for a another opinion regarding your mental health tells me that she is really looking out for both your welfare and that of your unborn child.
I have to note here, however, that I am biased. I struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy and was prescribed an antidepressant by my doctor, who specializes in pregnancy and women’s mental health. She doesn’t recommend a lot of medication and she was extremely cautious about what I took, making sure I was at the lowest dosage necessary. My son was born happy, healthy and a week late. I’m only telling you this so that you know you are NOT alone, I am not trying to persuade you one way or the other.
Everything we put in our bodies comes with a certain amount of risk and this goes triple for medication. The important thing to focus on here is the question of whether the benefits outweigh that risk. This decision should be made between you, your partner, and your doctor and no one else. I could go into numerous studies done on women with depression who didn’t take anything while pregnant and studies done on those who did, but I believe that this is the domain for your OB/GYN and your psychiatrist. They will help you to choose the right route for you and your baby.
The best of luck!
Tonya, TMH
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Help! My Nanny Can’t Hold My Baby!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’ve recently gone back to work so we had to get a nanny for our 4 month old. A friend of ours loves her nanny and our babies are about the same age so we have decided to do a nanny share where the woman watches both babies. I thought that this was working out really well until recently when I learned that the nanny doesn’t hold my baby very much.
My friend’s daughter is much louder and needier than my son so it seems like he is getting the short end of the stick. When they go out, the nanny has my friend’s baby in the Bjorn while my son is stuck in the stroller. And when it’s feeding time she has the girl in her arms with a bottle while my son is, once again, stuck in the swing or bouncer!
I’m really worried that my child isn’t getting enough physical contact! Am I being overly paranoid and high maintenance? The nanny is really great in every other way!
Signed,
Please Hold My Baby
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Dear Hold My Baby Dammit,
I don’t think you are being paranoid or overly high maintenance.
If you were, your worries would include:
-Is the nanny watching me while I sleep?
-Can she hear my thoughts when I’m not wearing my foil hat?
-Why won’t she use military corners when making my son’s bed?
-Is the nanny planning on stealing my child and selling him to Angelina Jolie?
-Why won’t the nanny feed my son his rice cereal from our best china?
-Doesn’t the nanny know my son only likes Beethoven Symphony performed by the New York Philharmonic, NOT the Old El Paso Orchestra!
It seems to me that your concern is warranted. The sense of touch is the primary way a mother or caregiver communicates with her baby. And given that the skin is the largest sense organ, this makes it extremely important. Studies have shown that touch helps in both the growth of the body and the brain, and can even aid in digestion. Physical contact, such as holding, hugging, and massaging, creates a sense of security and attachment that helps babies to blossom.
That being said, attachment studies have also shown that it’s more about quality contact than quantity. So your real concern should be if the nanny is able to give your son the quality interaction he deserves. Does she respond to him immediately when he needs it? Does she talk to him? Does she hold him other times of the day? Certainly, if he were in daycare this would be the case. And there are thousands/millions of children who thrive in that environment.
It’s time to have a serious heart-to-heart with your nanny. Because, not only is she in charge of your most precious bundle of joy, but she is also being paid to be a nanny – not a daycare. And taking this one step further, you really have to listen to your gut. You are your son’s mother. You know him best. If this situation doesn’t make you feel comfortable, then change it. There’s no need to throw around labels like “high maintenance” when it comes to your child. You want what is best for him. Even if that means getting a nanny just for him.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
Here are a few interesting articles on the subject:
Brain Development in Childhood
How Important is Physical Contact With Your Infant?
Stimulation and Development During Infancy: Tuning in to Your Baby’s Cues
And this book is an amazing resource*:
I read this while I was pregnant and have gone back to it throughout my son’s 4 (sometimes seemingly LONG) years.
*This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.
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My Mother Is a Soda Pusher!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My parents are staying with us over the holidays and although I’m happy to have them with us and my children adore them, I’m not happy that my mother tries to get the kids to drink soda.
I’m not a health nut, but we do not drink soda and I see no reason to give any to my 3 and 5 year old children.
I’ve talked to my mother about this in past years (she brings the soda with her, and doles it out as a special treat) and she said that she doesn’t know what the big deal is.
She thinks I’m being the food police. What do you think?
Signed,
Sodaless
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Dear Sodaless,
How can you possibly be the food police if what you’re monitoring is your children’s beverage intake? Or is the beverage police a unit of the larger food police force? And is Sipowitz part of that particular task force? Because I’m still not over seeing his butt on NYPD Blue.
I do know that as a parent you have a right to determine what your children get to eat and drink. And your mother doesn’t get to overrule you.
I don’t blame you for nixing soda in your home. It has absolutely no health benefits and there’s a lot to show that it’s bad for children. (If it’s part of their daily diet. A once-a-year soda, even once a month soda is probably ok.)
Your mother may think that it is more than ok and that you are depriving your children of their constitutional right to sugar and carbonation. She can think that all she wants but she can’t substitute her values for yours and make decisions for your children.
It is also not ok for her to disregard your wishes. What if she decides one day that your children need to wear matching Christmas sweaters with reindeer appliques? Then what are you going to do?
You should talk to your mother again, perhaps in advance of her visit. Let her know that although you appreciate the time she spends with your children and you value their relationship, you are concerned about the studies that have been coming out regarding sweetened beverage consumption and childhood obesity and diabetes. If you need more ammunition, blame New York City (everyone else does) and their anti-soda posters.
I'll have a glass of water, please. Thank you.
I suspect that your mother may be trying to find a special treat that she can share with grandchildren—a forbidden fruit, so to speak, that will win them over. Suggest to her that spending time doing a favorite activity (singing Justin Bieber songs? Playing Trouble?) would be a lot better for the children’s health and the grandmother-grandchildren relationship in the long run. And if she still insists on the forbidden fruit, consider persimmon.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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Mouthing Off: The World’s Worst Lollipop
The week after Halloween is always a tough one for us here at at The Mouthy Housewives. We’ve eaten all of our kids’ good Halloween candy and we’re down to that crappy chocolate-free stuff.
It’s almost inhuman.
But when we heard that some people are sending and receiving lollipops that were licked by a kid with chicken pox so their kids could then lick them and not have to get the chicken pox vaccine, we held our Skittles close and asked them to forgive us. Because that craziness is nasty. And oh, by the way—illegal.
Apparently the government doesn’t look too kindly at people who send diseases through the mail. In fact, it’s a federal crime. (And don’t try to FedEx it, either. There’s that “this package does not contain blood” line you have to sign when shipping overnight. Which makes shipments to Edward Cullen super disappointing.)
So what’s a parent, who doesn’t want to vaccinate their child against the chicken pox, to do? Well, they could get an exemption. Or they could wait for their child to get the chicken pox the good old fashioned way, the way the Lord intended. Like at chicken pox parties, where a chicken pox kid’s parents invite other kids over to expose them to the pox. Those have been around for decades. But with fewer kids having the disease, parents are turning to the insanity of pre-licked lollipops and even have Facebook pages dedicated to it.
We think that it’s disgusting.
And it’s also really difficult to believe that parents willingly receive a diseased lollipop from a stranger on the internet and then expose their children to whatever the lollipop has on it. What if it’s Hepatitis? Or measles? (And yes, of course there’s talk of of people shipping measles.) To us, it just sounds like Dum Dums holding Dum Dums.
We know that there are many different ways to parent and that there is no one solution for every family. But can we agree that mailing chicken pox is terrible?
Even if gets delivered overnight.
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Help! My Friend’s Kids Are Sick With The Ick And I think It’s A Trick!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a very close friend whom I’ve known since childhood. We lost touch, and then reconnected after we’d both married and had kids. She’s sweet, warm and kind but lately, I’ve been plagued by the thought that she might be suffering from Münchausen Syndrome By Proxy.
Her two young, high maintenance children are always sick. She works part-time at a hospital to make ends meet, so I just assumed she was bringing viruses home from work. But it seems like every day they have caught some new, terrible plague or are going to the ER. And she tells everyone about it on Facebook. Even her closest friends are starting to reply to her posts with, “Again?? Really??”
She has a lot of the classic red flags- She used to have a severe eating disorder, she has anxiety and self esteem issues, and she’s very clingy with her kids—she doesn’t like them to be out of her reach very often. Her marriage is often rocky. Yet for some reason, she even keeps talking about wanting more kids.
I hate to think my good friend could be doing something awful, but the more I read about the disorder and compare the information to her, the more uncomfortable I feel about it. I don’t know what to do.
Signed,
Cautiously Concerned
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Dear Cautiously Concerned,
Before we begin to discuss your friend, let’s talk about the Internet for a minute. First, I understand your anxious researching of symptoms. I, myself, am an expert in this. In fact, at this moment I am probably dying from African trypanosomiasis. The problem is that while I have most of the symptoms of this disease, in reality, an illness tends to be more complicated than a simple checklist.
The other thing to keep in mind about the glorious interweb and its social networking, is that some people confuse Mark Zuckerberg’s creation with actual therapy sessions. It’s also hard to really know a person from their Facebook posts. For instance, most of my FB friends assume I’m only interested in images of cats in costumes but this is not the entire picture. I also like photos of dogs in funny hats. So it’s important not to put too much diagnostic weight on anyone’s Facebook status.
Now, on to your friend. Münchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSbP) is a serious and extremely complicated condition. One of the main problems in its diagnosis has to do with the similarities to an actual, organic issue with a child. It is possible that the stress in the household has caused the two children to have anxiety or depression that can manifest itself in physical ways. It’s also possible that there is something in the home that could be causing all types of illnesses, such as a mold infestation. Or the kids are just being the petri dishes of bacteria that most children really are. I’m not saying that MSbP couldn’t be happening but I’m also not saying that it is. It’s important in a situation such as this to rule out other possible causes.
Also, anxiety, depression and being a helicopter mom do not necessarily translate into MSbP. The eating disorder early on in her life was probably a symptom of her anxiety and depression and is not necessarily indicative of someone who will grow up to abuse her children. Certainly, these days, with Kate Middleton, LeAnn Rimes and Rachel Zoe as role models it’s difficult to find a woman who doesn’t have an eating disorder or is not contemplating one. (Does the Grapefruit Diet work?)
You seem like a really good friend. And there may be reason to worry, but before jumping to conclusions (don’t worry, we all do it) I’d suggest a serious sit down with her. Try and get her to open up about her marriage, the stresses in her life, and how she may or may not be dealing with them very well. If you are still extremely concerned, keep track of how often her children are sick or in the hospital and how she reacts to these situations then seek the advice of a medical professional. Even then, I would proceed with extreme caution.
Good Luck to you and your friend,
Tonya, TMH
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