My Husband Wants to Sleep with My BFF: Is That Wrong?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband wants to have sex with my best friend. We recently all went out for his birthday and I later found them on my bedroom floor clothed, but my husband was kissing her breast. She said she was drunk and didn’t do anything—including saying “no.”
We have been married 18 years and together since I was 15. He has cheated on me before and I know he has wanted her for a long time; she is very pretty and sweet. What do I do? I think he will eventually cheat with her.
Signed,
Married to a Cheaterpants
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Dear Married to a Cheaterpants,
Hmmmm, this one is a real head-scratcher of a question. And, quite honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to point you in the right direction here. Let me think, let me think, let me think….oh, I know! How about if we go back to your first sentence:
“My husband wants to have sex with my best friend.”
Should I call the moving van for you or would you prefer just a simple jetpack to blast your ass out of this disgusting situation?
Because not to sound insensitive, but there’s not much of a gray area here, lady. He’s cheated on you before, he’s made it obvious he’s trying to sleep with your best friend and your best friend seems willing to go along with it. This is what we students of Lifetime Television refer to as “The Donna Mills Hot Mess Trifecta.” So unless you want to stick around to help raise your BFF and husband’s eventual love child, you need to get out while the gettin’s GOOD. (You can’t see me, but I’m doing that cool Jackée thing with my neck right now.)
I know leaving is way easier said than done, especially since you’ve been with him since you were 15 and probably have some co-dependency issues, but things are not going to get better. They’re just not. To quote Maya Angelou, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” And this guy has shown you time and time again that he’s nothing more than a complete asshole.
Call your friends, your family, your church—anyone who has the time, resources and love to help you, and start making plans to ditch this loser as well as your “best friend,” who may be “pretty and sweet,” but like this guy, isn’t any kind of friend I’d ever want. Jeez.
I know it’s tough, but listen: life’s too short to allow yourself to be treated like shit. The person you need to love the most right now is yourself because obviously nobody else is looking out for you. (Except us, because we’re just awesome like that.)
Please, keep us posted. We wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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We are Drowning in Bills and My Husband is No Help!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I got engaged in February, just two weeks before my boyfriend (now husband) got fired from his job. We got quickly court-house married so that he could have health insurance (we’ve been together over three years and still plan to have a wedding ceremony next year so it wasn’t that last-minute).
I’ve become the breadwinner while we slowly drain our house fund/his savings for monthly bills. At this point, I’m drowning in bills I had before we were married, plus the extra cost of all the groceries (we used to go halfsies), insurance and other things (lots of beer).
There is little I can do to make more money or save more money but HOW do I lessen the moment-to-moment terror I feel about my situation? I have heart-wrenching anxiety whenever I look at a receipt or my banking website. Help me.
Signed,
This is Not Life with Prince Charming
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Dear This is Not Life,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your financial problems and anxiety. This sounds like a really rough time for you. Take some deep breaths. (Yes, I promise my advice will get better than just telling you to breathe.)
You are anxious because you feel like you have no control over your financial situation. You need to immediately sit down with your husband and make a budget. Even if you are eating into your savings, it will make you feel better if you know exactly how much you can spend on groceries, gas and yes, even beer (although I do think a cheap bottle of Sauvignon Blanc is a better investment). Now stick to that budget. If you are not of financial mind, find a friend who is good with numbers to help out with this.
Also, allow yourself one hour a week when you focus on your debt. That’s the time that you pay bills, look at your budget, drink wine, cry and stress out. Then do your best to let it go until the following week.
I would also recommend making time in your life for anything that might relieve a bit of your stress… a jog, watching a movie, writing, bubble baths, dancing like a maniac to “She Works Hard for the Money.” Whatever works.
I assume your husband is job hunting. Is there any kind of part time work he can take on temporarily to just bring in some cash? Because you are clearly feeling a heavy financial burden. Try to keep in mind that this is a temporary situation. Your husband will work again. The economy will get better. Life will improve.
But right now, feel free to vent to the Mouthy Housewives because you need to express all of these feelings. And we are the kind of ladies that will always listen.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Kelcey, TMH
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The Case of the Gassy Husband
Surprise! It’s Guest Post Thursday! Today we welcome the fabulous Suniverse who blogs about all sorts of funny, interesting things and is always a treat to read. Plus she has sort of a foul mouth, which is always a big plus in my f&*@ing book. Thanks, Suniverse! –Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband has the worst smelling gas of anyone I know, but he thinks his *stuff* doesn’t stink. He passes gas in front of me all the time, despite my repeated requests for him to stop. The other night, we were lying in bed and he passed the most rancid, foul-smelling gas. In an attempt to be funny, he pulled the covers up over our heads and trapped me underneath. I nearly fainted. I was so upset by this careless, crude action, but he just laughed it off by saying, “Seriously!? Everyone f@rts! What’s the big deal? Lighten up, would you!?” How can I express my discomfort and disgust about his flatulence, without driving a wedge between us? I know gas is only natural, but my husband’s gas is making me want to sleep in a different bedroom.
Signed,
Dying in a Dutch Oven
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Dear Dying in a Dutch Oven,
Guys are pigs. Or dogs. Or some other animal that has a fascination with its own nether regions and whatever comes out of them. Maybe just males in general.
It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. Why do you think guys spend so much time fondling themselves in public where OH MY GOD, DUDE, EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU TOUCHING YOUR JUNK SO JUST STOP IT!
But this is not about that.
Except it is.
Guys seldom get beyond the point in their lives where they realize that body emissions aren’t cool. But your husband has, unfortunately, moved beyond the infantile “pull my finger” idiocy that some people [with XY chromosomes] consider to be the height of hilarity. He thinks that trapping you in his stink is National Lampoon funny.
It’s not, of course. No one thinks that’s funny.
As to what you can do? You need to sit him down and explain that while he might find this amusing and not a big deal, it is a big deal to you and his dismissal of your feelings is hurtful. If he can’t get past the fact that he doesn’t think you have a sense of humor, then just agree that you don’t have a sense of humor. About this topic. And that it’s important to you that he respect your feelings and work with you so that you’re not feeling like he doesn’t care about you at all.
Also, you may suggest that he get himself checked out – that level of stink is not normal and he may need to change his diet. Then take a deep, cleansing breath. You need one.
Good luck,
Suniverse, Guest TMH
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Do I Really Know My Husband?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
A few days ago I found out something about my husband that has made me question if I really know this guy. We are newlyweds; it’s been 8 months since our wedding. I know everything about him, or so I thought. I uncovered his secret by accident.
I do not want to talk about what he has done but once I confronted him he was ashamed and apologetic and said he will never ever do it again. I believe him that he will not do it again but I just don’t know how to go on with my life as normal. I have lost some of the respect I had for him and will not trust him blindly anymore.
I told him he will have to earn my respect and trust again with his actions. I have agreed to forgive and forget and move on. However, for the past few days I have been a wreck. Everything reminds me of what he did. Although I am confident he will not do it again, I can’t stop myself from remembering and crying whenever he is not around.
How can I heal and forget? I need advice on how to pull it together and go back to my normal life. I do not want to be in this depressed state forever. I love him and I want to move on.
Signed,
Please Help
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Dear Help,
Oh, my.
I’ve been married for nearly fifteen years, and although I think I know my husband pretty darn well, he still hasn’t lost the capacity to surprise me. Just a few months ago, for example, he surprised me with a trip to Europe. For himself. While I stayed at home with the kids, the cat and the sink full of dishes. We really learned a lot about each other in the conversation that followed the surprise.
You don’t say what the secret that you uncovered was, but I’m going to assume that it falls into one of two categories:
1. Something that he did before you were married/engaged that does not affect your relationship directly.
2. Something that he did after you were married/engaged and is a betrayal of your vows/commitment to each other.
If it is the former, you will need to accept that he had a life before you two got together and find ways to let it go. Of course it’s not as easy as it sounds, and I urge you to speak to a counselor, with your husband, about ways that you can overcome this obstacle. You need to explore why this secret strikes such a chord with you, particularly if it is something that happened when he was younger and did not have your loving presence about him.
If it is the latter, as I suspect it is, and you feel that your marriage is in trouble, run and don’t walk to the counselor’s office. You need to address the issues of betrayal as soon as possible before they have a chance to fester and multiply and take over your everyday life. I am concerned that this is starting to happen already, and it appears to be affecting your well-being.
A last point: You said that you have agreed to forgive your husband and move on. That is admirable, but forgiveness takes time and I don’t think you are there yet. Seek the help that your marriage needs to help you forgive. Who knows? You may be stronger than ever as a result.
I hope all the surprises in your future are good ones.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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My Husband’s Holy Mess
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband leaves piles of junk all over the house. It drives me crazy. I can’t just throw it all out because there are important receipts, business cards and bills mixed in with the movie stubs. But I’m sick of cleaning up after him. Any ideas?
Signed,
OMFG
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Dear OMFG,
Oh dear LORD, can I relate, woman. My husband is what I affectionately refer to as three-garage-sales-away-from-an-episode-of-Hoarders. He likes to save. EVERYTHING. And since I happen to be on the opposite end of the spectrum–in that I hate clutter and don’t understand why ALL dishes aren’t, in fact, disposable–it occasionally creates some conflict within our marriage.
Since I lack any sort of organizational skills, I can only tell you my personal coping strategies and hope that they guide you well. (Enough.)
1. Hide that shit in a drawer.
If I’m too exhausted or annoyed to weed through his piles, but also too irritated to look at the clutter for ONE MORE SECOND, I’ll just shove his junk out of view in a closet or something. This can be mildly rewarding, because it allows you the chance to pretend that this whole issue isn’t really happening! The downside, of course, is that he’ll start to accuse you when his papers go missing and he finds his gym shorts in the attic.
2. Retaliate.
What’s a pet peeve of his that you can exploit in an effort to more passive-aggressively communicate your issue? Does he hate it when you leave wet towels on the bathroom floor? Have sex with other men? Call him “Schmoopy” in front of his friends? Perhaps if your own personal happiness isn’t motivation for him to get himself in gear, his own humiliation and shame will work.
3. Help him out. However begrudgingly.
Your husband is likely leaving these piles around because he’s either too overwhelmed by the task of organizing everything or simply unequipped with the tools to accomplish the goal. (Of course, he could also just be frickin’ lazy, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. As I do my husband. Ahem.) Get some file cabinets, folders, office organizing trays, and see if you can’t work together over the weekend to at least get his mess confined to one area of the house.
As fed up as you may be, try to remember that we all have our faults, and that some of those are simply more visible than others. And maybe for your next marriage, try to find yourself a nail-biter instead.
Good luck!
Kristine, TMH
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