My Sister-In-Law Has A Cold So She’s Calling The Cops On My Husband!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I received a disturbing text message from my sister-in-law, my husband’s younger half-sister. It read: “You’re with a child molester. Your husband would molest me and my twin sister when we were little. I will take a lie detector test and pass with flying colors.”
I was so shocked and sickened after I read the message. I called my husband and he told me his sister was lying because, according to her twin, she was mad at him and also suffering from an ear infection and on antibiotics! WHAT??
My question to you is, should I confront my crazy sister-in-law or just leave this situation alone? I hate confrontation but I don’t want her harassing us anymore.
Signed,
Sad and Sickened
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Dear Sad and Sickened,
Let me get this straight: your sister-in-law is accusing her brother of childhood molestation because she is mad at him and, also, because she has an ear infection? What would happen if she came down with pneumonia? Or the Avian Flu? Would she level charges of treason against everyone in her town? Blame her twin for the current economic crisis?
It seems possible that your sister-in-law is certainly suffering from something but it, most likely, has very little to do with her current ear infection. Whether it is a serious psychological disorder or the effects of childhood trauma is difficult to determine and should be left to a professional.
Whatever her real issue, it’s important for you to communicate your limits to her. The in-law relationship can be fragile and difficult so it’s important to proceed with caution. Especially in this case. You need to state clearly and directly that if she is angry with your husband she needs to talk about it with him NOT you. I would suggest staying away from judging her emotional state and simply focus on the interaction between the two of you and setting strict boundaries.
At the end of the day, however, this is an extremely disturbing accusation. You owe it to yourself to make sure that there isn’t any validity to her indictment. It seems to me that although you wrote to us regarding your sister-in-law, you might be more concerned about her accusations than you are letting on. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest and frank discussion preferably in a safe environment with the presence of a therapist or mediator. Put any and all of your questions to rest.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
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The Mouthy Housewives Help You Pack For The Holidays!
With the holidays upon us, some of us Mouthy Housewives are going to visit family. It’s crucial to pack everything one might need. To make sure nothing is forgotten it’s important to make a survival kit…err…..list.
Here are a few things we will be tucking away in our suitcase:
1. Valium – in case the booze is running low or the spouse needs a ‘time out.’
2. Elephant tranquilizer darts and spit gun – for when things get heated but you don’t want to get up because you finally grabbed the chair next to the plate of cookies.
3. Excedrine – for the migraines that come with sitting through another five hours of Aunt Sally describing her bowel surgery…again.
4. Ear plugs – for the plane ride and also to drown out annoying children, who may or may not be yours. Probably yours.
5. Zombie survival guide – because a zombie apocalypse is eerily close to what happens when the in-laws and extended families come together.
6. War and Peace (or any hefty masterpiece) – so that you can call out “I’ll be right there, almost done!” often.
7. Smelling salts – in case of a fainting spells brought on by too much togetherness, um, happiness.
8. Voodoo doll kit – no reason.
9. A shearling coat with a fleece lining to wear indoors because your mother-in-law moved to Florida to be warm but keeps the thermostat at a very refreshing 50 degrees.
10. Your gymnastics trophy from 5th grade so when your siblings start talking about their PhD’s, you have something to brag about too.
11. Your Justin Bieber musical toothbrush because it just isn’t the holidays until you’ve had a Bieber dance off in the bathroom with your Uncle Herbert.
12. Pencil and paper, a calculator and an abacus – because although family-time, holiday travel and preparations can be trying and exhausting, we know how lucky we are and we never stop counting our blessings.
13. And, of course, the gifts! If you’re like us and waited until the last minute, it’s going to be ok, we can give you some help on that too!
Happy Holidays from The Mouthy Housewives!
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Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (But Your Mom Needs To Stay Home)
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My mom has no family other than me, which my in-laws are aware of, yet for the past few years they’ve hosted Christmas at their house and haven’t invited her. They live out of state, so my husband and I end up fighting over where I’m “supposed” to go, and I inevitably end up staying with my mom while he travels alone to see his family.
I don’t see why my mom should have to sit home alone on Christmas when she could easily be invited. Her apartment is too small to host a holiday herself, but my husband and I have hosted many holidays at our house and his parents, siblings and the siblings’ girlfriends and boyfriends are always invited. I wouldn’t ever exclude one or both of his parents.
My in-laws also think nothing of discussing Christmas plans in front of my mom when they visit for other holidays, even though she’s the only person in the room who’s not invited, which she finds very hurtful. When I’ve brought up the issue to them in the past, they claimed that they just “didn’t think of her” and she would be invited next time, but she never has been.
They’ve known my mom for years and seem to get along well with her, so I don’t know why she’s not welcome at their house. My husband has said he’s afraid of confronting his parents, so he won’t back me up if I raise the issue again. What should I do?
Signed,
My Mom’s Home Alone
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Dear My Mom’s Home Alone,
I usually try to understand both sides of an issue before I give my brilliant Mouthy Housewives advice, however this time I’m not doing that. Because I absolutely-100%-without- even-a-hint-of-a-doubt think this: your in-laws are being jerks.
Unless your mom is an obnoxious drunk or a racist or a loudmouth about her political/religious/Kardashian views, I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t include her when they know it means so much to their daughter-in-law. My parents happily invited my husband’s mom and dad to our family gatherings from the moment we were engaged and even celebrated birthdays with them when we weren’t there. And more recently, my dad has graciously invited elderly military widows to our Christmas dinners so they don’t have to spend the day alone. (Which is a wonderful thing until that scrappy Edith tries to steal the last drumstick.)
As to why your in-laws being so stingy in this time of giving? Well, they could be one of those families that tend to be rather clannish and don’t like outsiders. (“It’s just The Andersons!”) Or they don’t like your mother for some reason they won’t disclose. Or maybe, and most probably, they’re just completely thoughtless. But the reason doesn’t really matter when it’s causing you and your mom so much hurt.
My advice is to tell your husband again that this is a huge problem for you. They’re his parents, and you’ve already let them know how you feel, so he’s got to man up and talk to them. If he does, great. If not, tell him that you’ll be spending the holiday with your mother and not him. It’s an unfortunate situation, but nobody should be alone on the holidays and you’re a good daughter for knowing that.
I wish you the best of luck with the situation and welcome any of our readers to weigh in with their advice. As Washington Irving said, “Christmas! ‘Tis the season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.” Hopefully your in-laws will pull their heads out and realize the wisdom of that sentiment some day soon.
Best,
Wendi, TMH
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Psycho: This Time It’s The Mother-in-Law
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My mother-in-law is a psycho. She wants to spend time with my kids, but she uses the time at our house to tear through their closets and throw away baby clothes that I have saved while also telling my kids what a bad housekeeper I am.
My house is pretty clean, but she points out any little thing I’ve missed. The kids are usually miserable and tell me everything she’s said about me. She’s also super religious, but has been divorced five times, so I really don’t want any of her advice on anything.
Is there a way to cut her out of our lives without moving to another state? I read you every day and love your advice.
Thanks,
Norma Bates’ Daughter-in-Law
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Dear NB’s Daughter-in-Law,
I applaud your optimism in thinking that moving to another state would put a stop to your mother-in-law. Unless, of course, you mean one of the non-contiguous states, in which case you may stand a chance. But since you want to stay put, let’s table that move to Alaska for now.
The solution to your situations rests in using your mother-in-law’s powers for good (i.e. babysitting and cleaning) while minimizing her potential for evil (destroying your property and er…talking to your children.)
I’m not going to tell you how to get rid of her and not just because The Mouthy lawyers are breathing down my neck. But besides such “legal technicalities,” I think that kids benefit from having a relationship with their grandparents. Even wacky ones. Is it possible that your children are miserable because they are “caught in the middle?” If so, let them know that it is okay to love their grandmother even if you (and they) do not agree with the things she does and says. Unless you think that your mother-in-law’s behavior is poisoning your children against you, try these steps.
Step One: Talk to your husband. I don’t know what’s going on, but some men get touchy when you try to eliminate members of their family behind their backs. Although, if you got rid of your husband, the mother-in-law would probably follow, so it’s something to think about. Especially if you took Kardashian vows. Discuss your concerns with your husband and get his feedback. If it is of the grunt-shrug-oh, she’s my mother! variety, let him know about Step Two.
Step Two: Talk to your mother-in-law. Tell her that you appreciate her help, but that you need to have some ground rules so that everything runs more smoothly. Ask her to agree that you and she will not discuss each other with the children. You know, because you’re adults.
Let her know that you don’t want her getting rid of any of your things. It’s a little insane that you even have to say this, but do it. Ask her if she’s willing to help you with some domestic projects while she’s watching the kids. If she is, give her something to do: organize the linen closet, polish the silver, dust the Mona Lisa, that kind of thing.
Step Three: If the first two steps don’t work, stop asking her to babysit. If she comes over uninvited, limit her visit to half an hour or so, while you are around. Make sure you are within earshot and tackle any issues as they come up head-on.
After a few weeks of Step Three, try repeating Steps One and Two again.
Hopefully, thanks to your fancy footwork, things will be smoother.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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The Wedding of My Dreams is Turning into a Nightmare!
We’ve got another guest Mouthy Housewife joining us today! This time, The Mouthy Housewives welcome the lovely Megan Anderson of Rad Megan: In Words and Pictures. Megan is a craft blogger and all-around rockstar, and I love her despite the fact that she makes my family craft hour look like bathroom graffiti at the state penitentiary. (THANKS MEGAN.) Her blog hosts a pirate’s bounty worth of crafting, cooking, and gardening ideas.
And just recently, Megan created an online tutorial that guides you through the art of craft photography, so it looks like there might be hope for the rest of us!
Today, she’s got some insight for a bride-to-be that is competing for the attention of her soon-to-be groom with her in-laws. Take it away, Megan! –Kristine
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My fiancé and I wanted a private wedding ceremony this fall, but his parents found out and were extremely upset. They tried guilting him into involving at least their family, completely disregarding our wishes for a wedding we are paying for. Thankfully he has somewhat fended for us, but he did so by lying to them, telling his family that we are not getting married until next summer with a “traditional” wedding. (But the truth is that we’re just going to go through with it without telling anyone.)
Cue more problems. Our secret wedding is next month and everything was looking well until his vacation time had the possibility of being obliterated. He told his supervisor that he really needs the time off, but refuses to tell them that it’s due to us getting married because…wait for it…his dad works at the same company! I get that he wants to not upset his family until after we’ve already gone through with it, but I find it pretty ridiculous that he feels he can’t fight for his vacation. He seems more concerned about their feelings than the possibility all our wedding plans may get royally screwed.
He tells me I’m overreacting, but I don’t know. We are starting a family, and yet it feels it is being somewhat controlled by his family. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Sidelined Bride
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Dear Sidelined Bride,
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! As someone who eloped in Hawaii, I understand the allure of a low-cost/low-stress “private” wedding ceremony. I also appreciate how challenging it can be when the family gets wind of the plans and then tries to change them. From their point of view, a wedding is a day to be shared with loved ones. From yours, it’s an intimate, private occasion. Your fiancé’s point of view is…well…what, exactly? I’m sure you two are both stoked about starting your lives together, but if he’s waffling about taking time off to get married, we’ve got a wee issue.
Would the Princess Bride have been the romantic cinematic benchmark it was if Westley had said, “As long as it’s ok with my parents” instead of “As you wish?”
I’m not saying your fiancé needs to prove his love by bowing to your every request, but I think you two need to be on the same page when it comes to the kind of wedding you are actually having. I’m guessing that if he lied to his family and said there would be a traditional wedding next summer, a teeny weenie part of him WANTS that. While it is your day, “mawwage” is full of compromise; so understanding what’s really important to the both of you should be laid out on the table before the rings are exchanged. Maybe you guys sneak off and have your quickie ceremony (if that’s what you’re both into) and then plan a family-friendly reception next summer complete with vow-reenactment and Andre the Giant ablaze outside the church. It may feel like the in-laws are pulling the strings, but if you and Westley (or, whatever your fiancé’s name is) are united as a team, everything else will fall into place.
Talk it out, really listen to each other, and have fun storming the castle!
xoxo
Megan, Guest TMH
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