You Stop Telling Me What To Do With My Lactating Boobies and I’ll Do The Same
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My sister-in-law nursed most of her kids until they were almost 4 years old. She had to wean her youngest child due to cancer since the treatment wouldn’t allow it. She recently had a miscarriage, which caused her milk to come in and she is now nursing the previously weaned child who is almost four. She claims it is helping with some ongoing health issues the child has had for the last year (thanks to not immunizing). I am totally weirded out by this. I don’t feel comfortable around it.
I know that breastfeeding is natural and what not, but I really don’t think this situation is! No one else but me and my husband seem to have a problem with this. We are expecting twins next month and are getting lectures from her on how it’s wrong that we aren’t planning to breastfeed the whole time. I want to tell her if she’s trying to convince me, that is DEFINITELY not the way to do it. I have tried to keep my mouth shut about what she’s doing, but the more she criticizes my decision, the more I want to tell her that what she’s doing is sick and wrong!! I mean really, who just starts nursing a 4-year-old child! If she really wants the benefits, couldn’t she at least pump and put it in a glass or something???
Am I wrong to be so grossed out by this? Is there anything I can say to her to get her to respect my decision and to nicely tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with what she’s doing?
Thank you,
Grossed Out
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Dear Grossed Out,
I must first advise everyone to don police riot armor and prepare for bottle feeders to chuck baby bottles at the lactivists, who are retaliating by squirting breast milk into the eyes. These things can turn ugly if you aren’t very careful.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I must say that I am a former breastfeeder, so I tend to side with other breastfeeding women. On the other hand, I was exclusively bottle-fed as a child and turned out to be highly intelligent, not to mention a first-class beauty, so I don’t think bottle-feeding is wrong either.
I’m not going to tell you if you are right or wrong to feel grossed out by your sister-in-law’s extended breastfeeding. What I will tell you is that it’s a waste of your time to keep feeling so, obviously your sister-in-law will continue on as she sees fit. Stop ruminating on it or your babies could be born with forked tails.
I think both you and your sister-in-law need to realize you haven’t lived each other’s lives. She’s been through cancer, had to wean her child in order to help SAVE HER LIFE, lost another child to miscarriage and because of it, suddenly had a second chance to nurse the child she was forced to wean. Can we really say what we would do in that situation? No, not if we’re truly honest with ourselves. I mean, if I had to face my own mortality, I would probably try to breastfeed baby Jesus.
You’re having twins and I don’t know what it’s like to try to exclusively breastfeed two babies. Who am I to judge what you should or shouldn’t do? But my sister-wife Kelcey does know. She began supplementing with formula and her twins are still absolutely gorgeous, happy, and I hear they are already solving polynomial equations.
If you can, find a way to talk with your sister-in-law about respecting each other’s choices, even if you don’t agree with them. If you want her to stop harping on your feeding choices, then you really should stop harping on hers. If this isn’t possible, then grin and bear it when she nurses, or just throw a blanket over your head so you can’t see it. When she tries to lecture you, say something dismissive, such as “Oh, who knows how long we’ll breastfeed, it’s hard to know ahead of time” (this is completely true) or “You can trust us to make the best decision for our twins” and hopefully she’ll take the hint.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
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I’m Not Flashing My Boobs at Mardi Gras, I’m Just Breastfeeding
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
In honor of international breastfeeding month, I am currently exclusively nursing my 7-week-old baby. We haven’t even given her a bottle yet. Unfortunately, this has started to cause some tension between me and my in-laws.
First of all, my mother-in-law is insistent that I give the baby a bottle so she can feed her. Secondly, I get banished to the bedroom whenever it is time for baby to eat because they don’t feel comfortable with breastfeeding. If I can nurse at an outdoor concert with 5,000 people, I have yet to figure out why I can’t nurse in front of family at my own house. How do I deal with my anti-breastfeeding mother-in-law?
Signed,
Don’t Go Hatin’ the Breasts
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Dear Don’t Go Hatin’ the Breasts,
Because I’m the only Mouthy Housewife currently breastfeeding (although I’ve suspected that Heather is an undercover wet nurse), I thought I should answer your question. It’s fabulous that you’re breastfeeding your child, but girl, pump a little milk and feed that kid a bottle. I don’t care about your MIL, but if you ever want to go see a movie, get a mani/pedi, take a yoga class, enjoy a dinner out, hit the rifle range, you’ll want your baby to take a bottle.
The reason being that some babies don’t like that rubber nipple, so the longer you wait, the harder it could get. Take my daughter Summer. When she was a baby, she just refused to take a bottle. I begged. I pleaded. I threatened. I told her that in two years when the American Academy of Pediatrics gave her the go ahead to watch television, I would deny her “CSI: Miami” unless she tried the bottle. But nothing worked. Stubborn little monster. So please, start that bottle thing pronto so you can have some flexibility in your life.
As far as breastfeeding in your own home, you have a right to do it anywhere you want. You can breastfeed on your dining room table if you like, just move that Nambé crystal fruit bowl first. Your MIL should not be able to dictate where you feed your child. But to try to smooth family relations, put one of those breastfeeding cover ups over you, so your MIL doesn’t pass out when she catches a glimpse of your sexy lactating nipple.
When you’re at her house, follow her rules and breastfeed privately. This can be a special time to bond with your child or in other words, catch up on what’s happening on your iPhone.
Good luck to you.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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I Don’t Want To Be On A Blog. But I’ll Write To A Blog For Advice.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
We plan to spend a week at the beach with my entire family. This would be a blast, except for this one little problem: my brother-in-law has a blog.
His blog is mostly of my nieces and nephews (pictures and videos included,) but if you are around them, he expects you to be okay with the documentation. I’m not, and do not want my or my children’s picture/video on the Internet. I’m a very private person.
When I tried to say something, my brother-in-law blew it off saying “In THIS family we document everything.” What can I say to make him understand I don’t agree with him documenting every aspect of his children’s lives? And of course, allowing my family the privacy I feel we need.
We all know the Internet is forever. It would be really easy for a predator to find his family or kids because of his blog. This is absolutely frightening to me.
Signed,
Scared in Ohio
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Dear Scared in Ohio,
You realize you have written this question to bloggers, right? This fear of a blog is hard for me to comprehend. I will have to pretend I’m an alien (like Lady Gaga) so I can understand your point of view.
Do you ever wonder when man first began chiseling words into stone tablets, whether people freaked out, saying words in stone are forever? Surely this is something to fear! Look at Moses; he smashed the chiseled stone tablets, only God commanded him to make a second set so it would last forever. Fast-forward 2000 years and the Chinese are the pissed off Moses, and Google is the first set of stone tablets.
The moral of the story? I shouldn’t drink and tell bible stories at the same time. Err, I mean the moral is the Internet is still here just like the Ten Commandments, despite China trying to destroy it. When you look at it that way, it’s like God wants us on the Internet. So stop being scared, this Internet thing is going to work out for the best.
Sunday school lessons and wine glass aside let’s get practical. What can you say to make your brother-in-law understand you don’t agree with him blogging about his children? I have a suggestion that rings with truth due to its simplicity: “I don’t agree with you blogging about your children.”
You can say it, but it doesn’t mean your brother-in-law must stop. So you disagree. I disagree with my cat throwing up hairballs in the hall for everyone to see, but she keeps doing it. Accept his blogging of his immediate family as his business.
And as far as predators, I don’t think blogging raises your niece and nephew’s chance of being eaten by a tiger. It’s not like tigers are computer-literate.
However, when it comes to you and your own children on his blog, take a stand and insist they not be included. Steal his equipment. Better yet, pelt him with tar balls off of the beach until he promises to edit out you and your family. We bloggers have an unwritten code of behavior, and in it is the understanding we don’t put OPK’s (other people’s kids) on our blog without permission.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
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In-Law Madness
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My in-laws found my blog. And they do not approve. In fact, they would like me to stop blogging altogether. They also do not like Facebook. And cell phones.
I don’t write about them. I also don’t write for them. I write about me and for me and I want to tell them that if they have a problem with that, they can just stop reading. But they get offended very easily.
They have also announced that there is a curfew at their house and we all have to be awake by 8am when we visit. And we are expected to eat every meal with them, including breakfast, even if we are not hungry or want to make other plans. I’m not sure what I’m asking here. Maybe how do I get them to treat me like an adult, without ruining our already rocky relationship?
P.S. We don’t have kids, but someday we will, and I am worried about the role they will want to play in raising them.
Signed,
The Outlaw
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Dear Outlaw,
I don’t see the problem. Your in-laws want you to stop blogging and Facebooking, get rid of your cell phone and conform to a rigid schedule when visiting them. What exactly did you expect would happen once you were convicted of a felony? You did the crime, now you have to serve the time. That’s the way that society works.
What? Oh, you are not a felon? Hm. Sorry, I just assumed. So if you are not a criminal and you are not a ten-year-old child, I see absolutely no reason for your in-laws to treat you like that. I know that you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but the only way that you will be able to tiptoe around this one is if you have moves that would make Ginger Rogers rise from the grave and demand dance lessons.
I assume that you’ve already considered writing a “My in-laws have this insane curfew and house rules” post on your blog. It would certainly kill a few birds with one post and probably would be deeply satisfying.
If that approach is not for you, tell your in-laws that blogging makes you happy and ask them what their concerns are. If the concerns are legitimate (such as internet safety, privacy, etc.), address them. If the concerns are what you consider eccentric (the internet is the Devil’s Playground), assume that you will never see eye to eye. If your blog is relatively new and you want to appease them, change the URL and blog anonymously. But if you love your blog the way it is, don’t change a thing. Sooner or later you’ll have to put your foot down and live your own life, and a blog seems like a good place to start.
As for the curfew, I must admit that I’m curious as to what they would do if you slept in until 9 am. Ground you? Take away your car keys? Force you to sit through a Dr. Phil episode? If their expectations are not acceptable to you and your husband, the two of you should let them know. Try to figure out some things that you can do together–dinner, perhaps, but explain that you simply cannot comply with each of their requests.
The conversation may be unpleasant, but it will lay the much needed groundwork for when you do have children.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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Meet Your New Mom and Dad!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am getting married in June and my fiancé told me that his parents would like me to call them “mom and dad.” I’m not happy about this but I don’t want to offend them.
Signed,
How Many Parents Do I Need?
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Dear How Many Parents Do I Need,
I think every family is different. For example, some families kiss on the cheek. Others kiss on the lips. And still others make out with their dogs. The point is each family has its own comfort zone. So you have to determine what feels right for you.
It’s very sweet that your in-laws now think of themselves as your mom and dad. But I totally understand if you’re not ready for this. Heck, sometimes I call my own parents Susie and Tom because I’m not always 100% convinced they are actually related to me.
In my opinion, the words “mom” and “dad” are really a special honor. I mean, these are supposed to be the people who stayed up with you all night when you were vomiting all over your bedroom, who held your hand on the first day of Kindergarten and who put up with you through the teenage years when you sported that asymmetrical haircut and a ridiculous attitude. They earned the right to be called mom and dad.
Tell your fiancé that you’re not quite ready to refer to his parents this way. You shouldn’t be pressured into this or feel like you’re offending anyone. And when you’re ready, you can casually work it into conversation like, “Hey, mom and dad, we could really use some money for a down payment on a new house.” Something low key like that.
And if you’re never ready, that’s OK too.
Signed,
Kelcey (Not your mom or dad), TMH
