My parents are staying with us over the holidays and although I’m happy to have them with us and my children adore them, I’m not happy that my mother tries to get the kids to drink soda.

I’m not a health nut, but we do not drink soda and I see no reason to give any to my 3 and 5 year old children.

I’ve talked to my mother about this in past years (she brings the soda with her, and doles it out as a special treat) and she said that she doesn’t know what the big deal is.

She thinks I’m being the food police. What do you think?

Signed,

Sodaless
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Dear Sodaless,

How can you possibly be the food police if what you’re monitoring is your children’s beverage intake? Or is the beverage police a unit of the larger food police force? And is Sipowitz part of that particular task force? Because I’m still not over seeing his butt on NYPD Blue.

I do know that as a parent you have a right to determine what your children get to eat and drink. And your mother doesn’t get to overrule you.

I don’t blame you for nixing soda in your home. It has absolutely no health benefits and there’s a lot to show that it’s bad for children. (If it’s part of their daily diet. A once-a-year soda, even once a month soda is probably ok.)

Your mother may think that it is more than ok and that you are depriving your children of their constitutional right to sugar and carbonation. She can think that all she wants but she can’t substitute her values for yours and make decisions for your children.

It is also not ok for her to disregard your wishes. What if she decides one day that your children need to wear matching Christmas sweaters with reindeer appliques? Then what are you going to do?

You should talk to your mother again, perhaps in advance of her visit. Let her know that although you appreciate the time she spends with your children and you value their relationship, you are concerned about the studies that have been coming out regarding sweetened beverage consumption and childhood obesity and diabetes. If you need more ammunition, blame New York City (everyone else does) and their anti-soda posters.

I'll have a glass of water, please. Thank you.

I suspect that your mother may be trying to find a special treat that she can share with grandchildren—a forbidden fruit, so to speak, that will win them over. Suggest to her that spending time doing a favorite activity (singing Justin Bieber songs? Playing Trouble?) would be a lot better for the children’s health and the grandmother-grandchildren relationship in the long run. And if she still insists on the forbidden fruit, consider persimmon.

Good luck,

Marinka, TMH

image source

(I KNOW! THE OTHER WENDI!)

MW worked in Hollywood before, so I can only imagine that she was rather calm, cool, and collected about the entire thing. I however, promptly began to freak the hell out. What would we ask her? What if she upstages our humor? And will this microphone pick up the sound of my stomach growling, because I could go to TOWN on a Hillshire Farm breakfast patty right about now.

Long story short, after being drugged and coerced by friends (kind of), I convinced MW (again, our Wendi, not THAT Wendi…Jesus, this is confusing) that it would be hilarious to fill the interview with sexual innuendo. ABOUT SAUSAGE!

Get it? Hillshire Farm? Sausage? THE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES!

Well, as it turns out, the jokes EDIT themselves as well, because this is the final product of our interview, and every single one of my side-splitting sausage propositions has been removed. I am an embarrassment to my friends and family. (Speaking of which, the context for discussing my husband’s preference for sausage was also removed…HE DOESN’T REALLY HAVE A CONDITION. Omfg.)

Thanks again to everyone at Hillshire Farm, for sponsoring this post, and especially to Wendi Mclendon-Covey for being so personable and funny. I hope you’ll forgive me for the sausage talk. Ahem.

And for those of you that haven’t yet seen Wendi Mclendon-Covey’s amazing “slinking” skills, check out Hillshire Farm‘s latest commercial.

And please check out the 8th Continent Soymilk Nice Job, Mom contest here. Look through the entries of the very relatable parenting mishaps, and submit your own! You could win a room makeover! Or a fancy trip! What’s not to love?

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Dear Mouthy Housewives,

If you’ll allow me to start with boasting, let me say I am a very talented home cook. The problems is that I taste test so much of the food as I’m cooking that I’m never hungry by the time the meal is on the table. Not only is it a let down to my taste buds to eat when full, but it’s no friend to my waistline either. I have no idea how all of the Food Network chefs manage to not nibble while cooking. Do you have any advice of how I could stop this bad cooking habit?

Signed,

Just Too Finger Lickin’ Good
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Dear Finger Lickin’,

Hats off to you, girl.  I like a self-possessed woman who can take credit for her strengths.  If you’re telling me that you are a talented home cook, I have no doubt you are indeed tomorrow’s next Top Chef.

The problem here, however, doesn’t seem to be the provision of quality meals for your family. (I’m assuming that some of the food actually makes it to the table for your family? Or are you scarfing down the good stuff and throwing out a bowl of cheerios for them?)

Tasting is an important part of creating in the kitchen.  That being said, you won’t be able to lift that ladle if you insist on snacking your way through the process. You mentioned that the chefs on the Food Network never nibble while they cook. So I think the obvious solution is to hire a neighborhood kid to film you every day while you make dinner (tell her you’ll kick in a couple extra bucks if she also does your hair and make-up). Once the camera is rolling, you’ll be too self-conscious to keep up your snacking habit.

Of course, once you tire of being an imaginary Food Network star, you’ll need a different solution.  Just like we should never enter the supermarket on an empty stomach, perhaps you should not confront the stove in your weakened state.  Does Happy Hour coincide with cooking time at your house? Why not sip a glass of wine while you stir the pot? Or peel an extra carrot while preparing the salads, then munch away.  You’ll feel satisfied and your appetite should still be intact for the dinner table.

Feel free to check the flavor and toss in a little salt, but leave the rest for the table.  This is where the good stuff happens anyway.  Showing your children that you’ve got a handle on how to eat right is the best way to promote healthy eating habits in them.

Trust yourself; we’ve established that you’re a good cook.  So don’t go licking the bowl clean trying to prove it.  Here’s what you do if you can’t get control of that wandering tongue — act like a Queen:  claim paranoia and hire yourself a royal food taster.

Signed,

Daphne, Guest TMH

My daughter is in kindergarten this year, and wants me to pack her lunch every day. I think it’s a good idea to do this, too, since I don’t like the food in the cafeteria, but I’m running out of ideas of what to put in her lunch bag. She’s pretty picky, but there has to be something that’ll make her happy.  Help!

Signed,

PBJ Mom

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Dear PBJ Mom,

I guess it depends on whether you are a Mrs. Brady type mom or a Roseanne Barr type mom.

If you are a Mrs. Brady type mom, why are you even writing in this question? Isn’t packing your kid’s lunch your housekeeper’s problem?

If you are a Roseanne Barr type mom then you simply throw a pack of Malboros into your child’s lunch box. On Tuesdays pack menthols for variety.

But, if you are a Type A mom like me, the challenge is less black and white. How many ways can you slather a piece of bread before you want to slit your wrist with the serrated knife out of boredom?

I recommend utilizing a soup thermos, especially during the cooler months. Take this a step further by getting on your Julia Child and filling it with homemade soups. This really makes you look like a superior mother to all those other kindergartners. Type B moms can fill a thermos with Chef Boyardee ravioli, but really, all that says to the other kids is your child will attend state college and not Ivy League. (Those Lunchables are even worse and say technical college, so watch out for those.)

I also recommend Fit & Fresh containers.* I use them in my kids’ lunch boxes and adore them. I can easily pack fresh fruit and yogurt, salads…you get the idea; healthy foods that will not only make me look like mother of the year but ensure a Harvard scholarship too. On top of those fringe benefits, you’ll also use fewer plastic sandwich bags, so it’s like you’re Eco-Mom of the Year with future Ivy League genius.  For anal-retentive moms, there is no higher dream.

So, PBJ Mom, I hope that has given you some alternative lunchbox ideas. Write us back and let us know how it goes. We’d love to know if your daughter enjoys homemade shrimp bisque, or prefers the menthol over slims.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

*TMH was not compensated in any way to mention Fit & Fresh products.  At least, this Mouthy Housewife wasn’t. Kelcey and Wendi have been looking mighty fit and fresh lately.

I am a culinary disaster. Everything I cook turns out horribly, and I really hate being in the kitchen. My husband has invited his parents over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I know he would be really happy if I made a home cooked feast. What should I do?

Signed,

Turkey Trouble

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Dear Turkey Trouble,

That’s funny, because my husband would be really happy if I walked the Victoria Secret runway in a bra, g-string and those huge -ass Angel wings attached to my back, but that’s not happening either.  Perhaps our husbands can get together and commiserate about ways in which we are not making their dreams come true.  It could be a real Iron John bonding moment, and if we surreptitiously film it, I’m sure we’ll become YouTube millionaires.

I’m sure that your husband appreciates many of your other fine qualities, like the fact that you will even consider the notion of entertaining his parents for Thanksgiving.  It’s time for a moment of truth–can you handle a turkey?  Personally, I think that’s a tall order if  you loathe all things kitchen.  The chances for failure and frustration are just too great. And if you mess up the Thanksgiving Turkey, it’s some sort of a non-forgettable offense. So why not ask your husband if he’ll make the turkey. I suggest saying it casually, as though you’d already discussed it and it’s a fait accompli.  Say, “Okay, so you’ll do the turkey and I’ll saute some brussel sprouts, right?” If he goes along with, fantastic! Problem solved!

Otherwise,  I recommend throwing money at this problem.  Check out the local grocery stores in your neighborhood and see if they provide an already prepared turkey that you can place strategically in your oven. That way, you get to take the turkey out of the oven and look all radiant.  And if you’re worried about the price, don’t fret.  This is what perfectly innocent people in Manhattan have to pay for the privilege of not poisoning their loved ones on Thanksgiving.

Then steam a vegetable of your choice (provided that your choice consists of something steam-able, like brussel sprouts, broccoli or asparagus); make a quick mustard vinaigrette, and viola!  Dinner, she is served.

For dessert, get a bottle of Karo Corn Syrup (I like dark) and follow the super easy recipe for pecan pie on the bottle.  Seriously, you can do it with your eyes closed and you should hear the praise.  (Really, give me your address and I’ll send you the tape that I’ve made of the praise I’ve been given.)

Good luck and good eating!
Marinka, TMH

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Have you entered our Minted holiday card giveaway?  Hurry!

I have always been known as a good cook and dinner parties were always a hit at my house.  Then I met my husband and his palette for food is distinctly different from mine.

I have tried to accommodate – to a point. It all stems from the fact that he gives mes zero amount of appreciation and rarely even utters a thank you)  The critical upturn of his nose has discouraged me from trying to cook something that he likes altogether. Don’t get me wrong, in the beginning, I worked my little butt off in the kitchen preparing food “his way” or modifying recipes to his taste. Still my hard work did little to impress.

What can I do? My food is cozy, farmer’s market fresh and eclectic.  His food is Chinese stews, veggies that are cooked until the green is gone and all things white flour. Did I really lose my touch? How can I get back my passion for food?

Signed,

Feeling Like a Flat Souffle

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Dear Souffle,

It’s not often, but sometimes a Mouthy Housewife and a reader face a similar dilemma.  After a recent pork roast extravaganza, my family said “yum, thanks, burp!” and thought that they were all done.  Only after a careful discussion that lasted way into the  premiere of the Wizards of Waverly Place TV movie did they understand that the appropriate response to being fed is a five to ten minute discussion afterward about the merits of the meal.  (Although I am pretty lenient and will accept compliments on the meal throughout the week.)

No, you did not lose your flair for food and chances are you will regain your passion for it as soon as your husband shows his appreciation for your culinary masterpieces.  Because it’s one thing to have different tastes in food as you and your husband do; it’s quite another for him to have bad manners about it.

Or maybe that’s unfair. Maybe it’s not so much bad manners as that he expects food to appear on the table magically, much the way oxygen appears in his lungs without an effort, and he does not see the need to thank you for its preparation or compliment your dishes.

We must disabuse him immediately of these notions.  One way is to involve him in the culinary process.  Ask him ahead of time what would he like to have for dinner during the week.  When he suggests a menu that should be served within sprinting distance of the nearest cardiac intervention center, tell him that you will look into making a healthier version of his choice and also add a dish of your own.  Let him know that you need his help. Whether it’s shopping for the ingredients or doing the prep work, it is important for him to see what is happening.  (By the way, if your dinner preparation consists of waving a magic wand and dialing for take out,  the letting-him-see-what-is-involved-in-dinner-preparation will be significantly compromised).

If it seems clear that he has no interest in the cooking business, preferring to focus on the eating angle instead, you may want to get real and have a Dr.-Phil style discussion with him.  Tell him, “Honey, I love cooking for us and trying new dishes.  I would like to incorporate foods that you love into my kitchen.  But when you don’t compliment me on what I serve, it makes me feel unappreciated and sad and stabby.”

Bon Appetit!

Marinka, TMH

Do you have any suggestions for quick, easy family dinners?

Signed,

Screw You, Hamburger Helper!
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Dear Screw,

What do I look like, Julia Child? Wait, don’t answer that. The way I see it, the trouble with cooking is that we go all out and prepare a delicious meal, which takes hours–finding the recipe, shopping for the ingredients, chopping, mincing, sauteing, drinking heavily, pureeing, basting, roasting, remixing a cocktail, garnishing, serving, and it’s consumed in mere minutes. And the next day, they expect more food. It makes a girl think that Marie Antoinette had the right idea with the whole “let them eat cake”. But they guillotined her because no one wants children to ruin their appetites and be hyper from all the sugar. I think.

I’ll give you my secret: cook in bulk, like they do in prison. Stews, meatballs, meatloaf-yes. Cornish hens-no. If you can double the recipe and freeze part of it, all the better. Time saver for the future.

As for the recipes themselves, if you want a great book that walks you through making a supereasy beef stew, and other staples, you have to get Laurie Colwin’s Home Cooking. Laurie’s recipes are unintimidating and the results are delicious. I have two copies of her book and if we were neighbors, you could borrow one. But we’re not. So you can’t. If you’re not within bookstore range, get recipes from Epicurious.com. Super easy.

And remember, the chef never cleans. That’s what we had children for in the first place.

Bon appetit, mon cheri.

Love,

TMH

Are TMH right? Leave a comment and let us know!