Help! My Nanny Can’t Hold My Baby!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’ve recently gone back to work so we had to get a nanny for our 4 month old. A friend of ours loves her nanny and our babies are about the same age so we have decided to do a nanny share where the woman watches both babies. I thought that this was working out really well until recently when I learned that the nanny doesn’t hold my baby very much.
My friend’s daughter is much louder and needier than my son so it seems like he is getting the short end of the stick. When they go out, the nanny has my friend’s baby in the Bjorn while my son is stuck in the stroller. And when it’s feeding time she has the girl in her arms with a bottle while my son is, once again, stuck in the swing or bouncer!
I’m really worried that my child isn’t getting enough physical contact! Am I being overly paranoid and high maintenance? The nanny is really great in every other way!
Signed,
Please Hold My Baby
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Dear Hold My Baby Dammit,
I don’t think you are being paranoid or overly high maintenance.
If you were, your worries would include:
-Is the nanny watching me while I sleep?
-Can she hear my thoughts when I’m not wearing my foil hat?
-Why won’t she use military corners when making my son’s bed?
-Is the nanny planning on stealing my child and selling him to Angelina Jolie?
-Why won’t the nanny feed my son his rice cereal from our best china?
-Doesn’t the nanny know my son only likes Beethoven Symphony performed by the New York Philharmonic, NOT the Old El Paso Orchestra!
It seems to me that your concern is warranted. The sense of touch is the primary way a mother or caregiver communicates with her baby. And given that the skin is the largest sense organ, this makes it extremely important. Studies have shown that touch helps in both the growth of the body and the brain, and can even aid in digestion. Physical contact, such as holding, hugging, and massaging, creates a sense of security and attachment that helps babies to blossom.
That being said, attachment studies have also shown that it’s more about quality contact than quantity. So your real concern should be if the nanny is able to give your son the quality interaction he deserves. Does she respond to him immediately when he needs it? Does she talk to him? Does she hold him other times of the day? Certainly, if he were in daycare this would be the case. And there are thousands/millions of children who thrive in that environment.
It’s time to have a serious heart-to-heart with your nanny. Because, not only is she in charge of your most precious bundle of joy, but she is also being paid to be a nanny – not a daycare. And taking this one step further, you really have to listen to your gut. You are your son’s mother. You know him best. If this situation doesn’t make you feel comfortable, then change it. There’s no need to throw around labels like “high maintenance” when it comes to your child. You want what is best for him. Even if that means getting a nanny just for him.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
Here are a few interesting articles on the subject:
Brain Development in Childhood
How Important is Physical Contact With Your Infant?
Stimulation and Development During Infancy: Tuning in to Your Baby’s Cues
And this book is an amazing resource*:
I read this while I was pregnant and have gone back to it throughout my son’s 4 (sometimes seemingly LONG) years.
*This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.
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I Hate Your Baby Name
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My cousin is pregnant with a little boy, and while I’m extremely happy for her, I can’t stand the name she picked out for him. And obviously I can’t tell her how much I don’t like the name so I need a really great nickname for the name Colton.
Any ideas?
Signed,
You’re Naming Your Kid What?!
__________________
Dear You’re Naming Your Kid What?!,
Well, don’t go blaming yourself for this. I have personally introduced a constitutional amendment requiring all people to keep their baby names a secret until AFTER the child is born.
It’s just terribly awkward to know a baby’s name beforehand. First of all, it’s hard to get jazzed about the birth of a baby when you already know every detail months in advance. I’m having a baby. It’s a girl. Her name is Elizabeth Sarah. The c-section date is on April 25th. She’s a Taurus and her hobbies will be horseback riding and rowing. TMI people.
Second of all, it’s a lot easier to hate a name before the baby is born. Once you are cooing over the little tyke, it’s possible to forget that his name is Vanilli or Pilot Inspektor. Not completely. But those cute cheeks and baby soft skin make it a bit more palatable.
Now we have gotten this baby name problem before. And I was really bracing myself for you to share some kind of horrific name. But Colton? Oh my gosh, I love that name! Like if Tim Riggins of Friday Night Lights wasn’t named Tim Riggins – he would be named Colton. Colton is like a hot cowboy. Or a handsome movie star. Or maybe a cheesy soap character. But let’s focus on cowboy and movie star. I really think it’s a pretty cool name.
Does that help? Oh man, you still don’t like it. Alright, how about if you just call him “Cole?” Or maybe “Ton” but that could be politically incorrect with the whole eradicate childhood obesity campaign going on right now. You could just call him “the baby” but of course, that will get strange once he starts high school.
I think the best bet is to wait and meet the little guy. You might be so enamored with him, you won’t care what he goes by. That’s probably why they make those babies so ridiculously cute.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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A PTO Party: Good God, How Fun Does THAT Sound?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
The PTO at my daughter’s (public) elementary school is throwing a big party next month to raise money. It sounds like it’ll be a good time with a band, food, etc., but they’re charging $150 PER TICKET. There are a lot of families who can probably afford this, but not mine. I think $300 is just ridiculous and I know that our PTO already has a surplus of money, so it just seems greedy.
The main problem is that I’m friends with a lot of the parents and teachers and they keep asking me if my husband I are going to the party. I don’t know if I should lie and say we’re out of town that night (and then hide that weekend) or tell the truth and risk embarassment. What do you think?
Signed,
No Party, Please
________________________
Dear No Party Please,
Your question is exactly why I regularly zoom past the pack of women outside Panera Bread and scream: “LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU PTO MUTHAF@#%ERS! I’VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES THAT I WILL NOT BE A LOWLY PUPPET IN YOUR EVIL REIGN OF TERROR! YOU DON’T OWN ME! NOBODY OWNS WENDI! NOOOOOO-BOOOODYYY!”
And then I wonder why I get stuck picking up the dirty Band-Aids after Track and Field day.
But it does sound like you have one of the worst kinds of PTOs: the kind that acts like they’re doing things for the kids when they’re really doing things for themselves. Why else would they feel the need to throw a party when they supposedly don’t need the money? If you ask me, it sounds like Miss Ginger Sue Tompkins got a bug in her bonnet and now she wants to throw a big ‘ol bash for all y’all glitzy gals! (Please, someone get me out of Texas. Why am I talkin’ like this, y’all?)
I do agree that $150 is a bit steep for a public school event and I’m sure you’re not the only person who can’t afford it. And if it were me, I would simply say, “We’re not going because it’s not in our budget.” However, I can understand if you’re not comfortable saying that, so maybe you could go with a basic, “I wish we could go, but we have another commitment that night.” That should suffice.
But if it doesn’t and people press you as to what commitment you have that night (which is entirely possible), you have two choices. One: mumble something about work or church or sports. Or two: look them straight in the eye and say “My coven is sacrificing a rabbit that night and I don’t want to miss drinking the blood!”
Actually, the coven party sounds kind of fun. I wonder if that’s in my budget?
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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Call The Exterminators, Honey. We Have Teenagers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 15 year old son is very disrespectful. He argues all the time and he lies. I’ve grounded him. I’ve taken everything away. He just doesn’t care. I don’t know what else to do. Are there any other options?
Signed,
Beyond My Wit’s End
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Dear Beyond My Wit’s End,
Unfortunately, it does sound like your home has a full-blown teenager infestation. You could call an exterminator or an exorcist? But once a home has been taken over by these extremely hormonal hominids it can be very difficult to get rid of them until voting age begins and even then it’s not a guarantee. They may even leave only to return at the age of 30.
One tactic you may not have tried yet is to take advantage of the teenager’s strong distaste for embarrassment and their stalwart denial of parental existence. This approach will require you to undergo a bit of a transformation. Nothing says dedicated parental units like a middle-aged Snooki and a 50-year old Biebs showering affection on their teenage son, in public, in full view of hundreds of his “closest” friends and acquaintances. After one of these interactions it’s quite possible to get your son to shape up simply out of fear of a replay.
Another option, although less creative and exciting, can be counseling for the teenager alone and, also for the family together. This can be extremely helpful given that the brain, mainly the cerebral cortex where planning, self-control, and judgment are developed, in a fifteen year old hasn’t yet fully matured (and won’t until the early 20’s…sorry). In short, the main focus of the teenage years is to live through them with minimal damage. This can be helped along by a trained therapist and some bite guards for the parents. Also, wine….lots of wine…for the mom.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
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My Mother Is a Soda Pusher!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My parents are staying with us over the holidays and although I’m happy to have them with us and my children adore them, I’m not happy that my mother tries to get the kids to drink soda.
I’m not a health nut, but we do not drink soda and I see no reason to give any to my 3 and 5 year old children.
I’ve talked to my mother about this in past years (she brings the soda with her, and doles it out as a special treat) and she said that she doesn’t know what the big deal is.
She thinks I’m being the food police. What do you think?
Signed,
Sodaless
_____________________________
Dear Sodaless,
How can you possibly be the food police if what you’re monitoring is your children’s beverage intake? Or is the beverage police a unit of the larger food police force? And is Sipowitz part of that particular task force? Because I’m still not over seeing his butt on NYPD Blue.
I do know that as a parent you have a right to determine what your children get to eat and drink. And your mother doesn’t get to overrule you.
I don’t blame you for nixing soda in your home. It has absolutely no health benefits and there’s a lot to show that it’s bad for children. (If it’s part of their daily diet. A once-a-year soda, even once a month soda is probably ok.)
Your mother may think that it is more than ok and that you are depriving your children of their constitutional right to sugar and carbonation. She can think that all she wants but she can’t substitute her values for yours and make decisions for your children.
It is also not ok for her to disregard your wishes. What if she decides one day that your children need to wear matching Christmas sweaters with reindeer appliques? Then what are you going to do?
You should talk to your mother again, perhaps in advance of her visit. Let her know that although you appreciate the time she spends with your children and you value their relationship, you are concerned about the studies that have been coming out regarding sweetened beverage consumption and childhood obesity and diabetes. If you need more ammunition, blame New York City (everyone else does) and their anti-soda posters.
I'll have a glass of water, please. Thank you.
I suspect that your mother may be trying to find a special treat that she can share with grandchildren—a forbidden fruit, so to speak, that will win them over. Suggest to her that spending time doing a favorite activity (singing Justin Bieber songs? Playing Trouble?) would be a lot better for the children’s health and the grandmother-grandchildren relationship in the long run. And if she still insists on the forbidden fruit, consider persimmon.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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