I’m Not Flashing My Boobs at Mardi Gras, I’m Just Breastfeeding
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
In honor of international breastfeeding month, I am currently exclusively nursing my 7-week-old baby. We haven’t even given her a bottle yet. Unfortunately, this has started to cause some tension between me and my in-laws.
First of all, my mother-in-law is insistent that I give the baby a bottle so she can feed her. Secondly, I get banished to the bedroom whenever it is time for baby to eat because they don’t feel comfortable with breastfeeding. If I can nurse at an outdoor concert with 5,000 people, I have yet to figure out why I can’t nurse in front of family at my own house. How do I deal with my anti-breastfeeding mother-in-law?
Signed,
Don’t Go Hatin’ the Breasts
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Dear Don’t Go Hatin’ the Breasts,
Because I’m the only Mouthy Housewife currently breastfeeding (although I’ve suspected that Heather is an undercover wet nurse), I thought I should answer your question. It’s fabulous that you’re breastfeeding your child, but girl, pump a little milk and feed that kid a bottle. I don’t care about your MIL, but if you ever want to go see a movie, get a mani/pedi, take a yoga class, enjoy a dinner out, hit the rifle range, you’ll want your baby to take a bottle.
The reason being that some babies don’t like that rubber nipple, so the longer you wait, the harder it could get. Take my daughter Summer. When she was a baby, she just refused to take a bottle. I begged. I pleaded. I threatened. I told her that in two years when the American Academy of Pediatrics gave her the go ahead to watch television, I would deny her “CSI: Miami” unless she tried the bottle. But nothing worked. Stubborn little monster. So please, start that bottle thing pronto so you can have some flexibility in your life.
As far as breastfeeding in your own home, you have a right to do it anywhere you want. You can breastfeed on your dining room table if you like, just move that Nambé crystal fruit bowl first. Your MIL should not be able to dictate where you feed your child. But to try to smooth family relations, put one of those breastfeeding cover ups over you, so your MIL doesn’t pass out when she catches a glimpse of your sexy lactating nipple.
When you’re at her house, follow her rules and breastfeed privately. This can be a special time to bond with your child or in other words, catch up on what’s happening on your iPhone.
Good luck to you.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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Baby Tawk Baby Tawk
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 7 year old daughter insists on talking in a high, squeaky, cutesy baby voice. It’s driving me insane. She didn’t talk like that when she was a baby, so I can’t figure out why she’s doing it now. Her older sister went through a similar stage at age four, but it ended in a matter of weeks. Not so for this daughter. I’ve tried all the things that worked with Daughter #1 – ignoring her until she spoke in a normal voice and making her repeat herself every time she uses the baby voice – but they just aren’t working.
Any suggestions? I’m at my wit’s end with the cutesy stuff.
Signed,
Cut Out the Cute Crap
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Dear Cut Out the Cute Crap,
Your question reminds me of why it’s sometimes better to have boys than girls. I mean, the only “cute” things my sons say usually include the terms “nut,” “sack,” and “You’d better duck, Mommy because here comes my awesome buttocks ray gun. Powwww!” (Yes, clearly I have my own issues that should probably be addressed before the state steps in.)
However, I question why you even want your daughter to stop talking like a cutesy baby. After all, this is America where sounding like you’re not very smart or mature is a clear cut path to fame and fortune. Or maybe you’ve never heard of Anna Nicole Smith, Marilyn Monroe and Melanie Griffith? Or Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Or Clay Aiken? (Scratch that last one. I don’t want to get the Claymates mad at me again. Those ladies are vicious.)
Anyway, my point is that if any of those women had voices like Rosie O’Donnell after three shots of whiskey and a hard pack of Salem Lights, they’d never have gotten rich, right? So what’s the problem here? Is it that you have to live with this 7-year-old girl for the next 11 years without going insane? Is that it?
Then maybe the next time she uses the baby voice, you should:
1. Give her a time out
2. Cut off her favorite doll’s head
3. Respond to her in your own cutesy baby voice (which your husband may ask you to do later)
4. Scream, “Here comes my awesome buttocks ray gun! Powwww!”
5. Cry
So my suggestion is to just pick one of those and see what happens, Cutesy. And if none of them work, well, I guess the only thing left for me to say is, “Sowwy! I weally twied! Hee, hee, hee! Giggle!”
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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Mama Paparazzi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 6-year-old daughter refuses to take a picture. She throws a complete fit every time I try to take a snapshot. It’s ridiculous. The last photo I have of her she was starting preschool, but I want to document my daughter’s life. Any ideas?
Signed,
Camera Shy
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Dear Camera Shy,
Okay, I know everyone probably expects me to say something snarky here, like “Why don’t you do what the modeling agencies do and just ply your daughter with champagne and a few ‘vitamin shots’ to get her moving? Or maybe stop feeding her for a few weeks until she’s ready to hold a pose. That’s what Gucci did with Kate Moss in ’88—genius!”
But you know what? I’m actually not going to say anything like that because I’m trying to be more mature these days. And just to prove my maturity, allow me to share with you what I put on every time I have MY picture taken:
Vacuum & Kate Plus WTF?
But supposing you actually don’t want pictures of your 6-year-old in a $9.98 Gosselin Halloween wig that makes her look like a premenstrual porcupine, here are some wonderful tactics that professional NYC photographer Jennifer Lee suggests:
“Capture the candid moments of everyday life… playing with her toys, reading a favorite book, wearing dress up clothes. If you can, use a zoom lens, back up and allow them to continue playing. DO NOT call her attention or ask her to smile. Just allow her to be herself.
Keep your camera in an easily accessible place and ready to shoot. Children are rarely sedentary and their moods can change instantly. If you make your camera an extension of your hand, you will integrate it into your lifestyle and your daughter will learn to be comfortable going on with her activities while you shoot away.
Make a point to photograph all situations, not just special occasions, but haircuts, walks down the sidewalk, playtime, homework, etc. Weave photography into your life. You will get more natural photos and a wonderful record of your family. You will start telling stories with your photos.
If you are determined to capture a photo of your child smiling at the camera, make a game of it! Peek-a-Boo usually works like a charm. Acting silly – or better yet – having another adult act silly right next to you will inevitable inspire giggles. Another great thing is reverse psychology. Many times I will tell kids “DON’T look at the camera – don’t you do it!” Of course, they will immediately look, then I’ll say “Hey! I told you NOT to look!!” This usually yields huge smiles and laughter.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your child. Just keep on trying and keep shooting. If you take lots of photos and experiment with different games and ideas with your child, you are bound to get some phenomenal ones. The ones that you think are going to be perfect usually are not and the moments in between often capture the true personalities.”
So, Camera Shy, just follow one or more of these great tips and you’ll soon be on your way to filling up those family scrapbooks! Whoo!
Finally, remember that it’s not always bad to have a daughter who doesn’t love the spotlight because that means you probably won’t end up spray tanning her on a future episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. And that’s something everyone can smile about, isn’t it?
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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Mouthy Housewives Tip of the Week!
Bonus tip! When you are filming sage advice, why not enlist your young child to do the camera work? My 8 year old used the JVC HD Everio to make this vlog. A big thank you to JVC, a sponsor of the Mouthy Housewives BlogHer 2010 Party in NYC!
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Am I Paying My Sitter Too Little?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
When I pay my babysitter, I always give her the exact amount. If I owe her $36, then I pay her $36. But my friend says I’m cheap and I should just round up. What do you ladies think?
Signed,
My Babysitter Makes More Than I Do
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Dear My Babysitter Makes More Than I Do,
Don’t you wish you could just forget the cash and pay your babysitter in Pirate’s Booty? It would be so much simpler and economical. Sometimes it can hurt to shell out all that dinero when all your sitter does is watch “Dance Your Ass Off” while the kids are asleep.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with paying the exact amount. I mean, when I receive a paycheck, no one is rounding up for me. In fact, a lot of taxes are taken out. So there is no reason to feel cheap if you pay your sitter exactly what you owe her.
There can be times to give a little extra. If your sitter goes the extra mile by washing the dishes, cleaning up the playroom, folding laundry or building you a new deck, then go ahead and throw a few additional dollars her way. If however, she cleans out your food cabinet, does her own laundry at your house or shamelessly flirts with your husband, then a tip is unnecessary.
If you don’t want to tip your sitter each time she comes but want to show your appreciation, then buy her something nice (a bottle of wine or a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 if that’s more her style) for her birthday and the holidays. And don’t forget to tell her what a great job she does. Sometimes a compliment means more than money. And by sometimes, I mean, never.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
