How to Be the Purrfect Girlfriend
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his cat is an asshole. He wakes me up in the middle of the night, attacks my feet and looks at me funny.
How long do cats generally live? My boyfriend is very attached to the cat, so please don’t suggest getting rid of him.
Signed,
Cat Hater
___________________________
Dear Cat Hater,
One of the things we pride ourselves on the most at The Mouthy Housewives is our ability to put aside our personal biases and answer each question with an open mind. Therefore, let me just close my Cat Fancy magazine and lovingly tuck Dickens, my little calico cat who gives me reason to get up each morning, into her silk lined kitty basket before I give you a fair and balanced response. (ahem)
YOU’RE A BIG, MEAN CAT HATER AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD DUMP YOU BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE REAL LOVE!
OK, maybe that response tilted a little more to one side than the other. Can I try it again?
IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S CAT, GOOD LUCK WITH HIS MOTHER, DUMMY!
Nope—still a little unbalanced, I think. One more time:
HOW DO YOU THINK THE CAT LIKES YOU MOVING INTO HER HOUSE? HUH? EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU STOLE HER PERSON, YOU MISERABLE THIEF!
And……nailed it. Fair AND balanced! Booyah!
Here’s the thing: the cat was there before you, your boyfriend loves the cat. Therefore, you need to learn to live with it. For starters, see if it’s possible to keep the cat out of the bedroom while you sleep. That should cut down on the waking you up part. Wear socks or shoes if she’s attacking your feet. It sounds like she’s got a lot of kitten in her, so that’ll probably subside soon.
And as far as thinking that the cat is “looking at you funny,” well, that’s just weird. Even weirder than The Friskies Fairy leaving cat food around your house. So unless you can get the cat to agree to wear little cat sunglasses, you’re just going to have to ignore it. The cat really isn’t out to get you. It’s more interested in the mice under your bed.
You love your boyfriend. Your boyfriend loves his cat. Keep an open mind and you just might grow to love the cat, too and live meowfully ever after. (Sorry.)
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
P.S. Miss Dickens just had her 19th birthday. You might be in this for the long haul, my friend.
15 Comments <-- Click to comment
Help A Housewife Out, Will You?
In case you missed our big announcement yesterday (and if you did, what’s your problem?), The Mouthy Housewives are now two years old! Wheee! And all week long we’re asking YOU to give us advice on some of our issues. Today, it’s Wendi’s turn:
Dear Mouthy Housewives Readers,
One of my very good friends recently got a new puppy (“Snoogies”) and she’s become obsessed with it. The dog is all she talks about and it seems like she plans her entire day around him. The one or two times I’ve “puppy sat” for an hour, she’s left three-page instructions for me and then quizzes me on how it went.
Last week we went to lunch and she asked if we could sit outside so she could bring Snoogies. Then she fed him her lunch and talked baby talk to him the whole time. (She also lets him lick her mouth for “kissing time.” It’s not fun to watch.) I like the dog just fine, but she’s gone nutso. How can I let her know that I don’t want to talk about the dog non-stop without hurting her feelings?
Ayudame!
Wendi
14 Comments <-- Click to comment
My Puppy is Lonely and I Feel Guilty
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband and I purchased the cutest little mini schnauzer puppy. My husband had wanted a dog since we bought our home 3 years ago, but due to his hectic work schedule (2 full time jobs) and my 12 hour work day, this wasn’t an option. Unfortunately, he was laid off and has been for the past year and a half. So I finally decided having a puppy might be fun, so we went for it.
Well, the day before we bought the puppy, he tells me some story about how he got another job only working a few hours a week locally near our home. Not a big deal. Well, the truth came out after we got our puppy that he’s really back full time. The job is fabulous, and the money is better, but our new puppy now spends 11-13 hours alone depending on who makes it home first. Yes he has food, water and puppy pads, but who in the world wants to live like that? So now I feel awful for the little guy who’s only 8-weeks-old. He was doing his business outside fairly well until today when it became a free for all in our home.
Should I find our puppy a new home or let him hang out in our upstairs bedroom in a gated play area all day?
Signed,
Sad Puppy Mommy
_____________________________________________________
Dear S.P.M.,
You know what that dog needs? Marriage counseling. Oh, I mean, not the dog. I’ll get to that cute little 8-week-old pup in a moment. Just to clarify, your husband lied to you about his employment status (claiming he only had a part-time job and was free to be home with the puppy) and then changed his story once the dog was yours? Maybe I’m missing some details here but it sounds like you and your husband need to work on your communication skills. Because lying to your spouse to get what you want is not exactly a healthy foundation for a marriage. Perhaps some counseling might be a good idea. But unless your marriage counselor has a second career as a dog sitter, this will not solve your puppy problem.
I think it’s really unfair to leave most dogs (especially a puppy) alone for 11 to 13 hours a day. So you have a few options. Find the puppy a new home which will be incredibly sad but then probably a big relief. Another option is to find a dog walker to come spend time with your pooch every day. Or you can bring him to a doggy day care center where he can be around other dogs and people while you are at work. Sure, some of your friends might start calling you ooh la la fancy doggy pants for doing this but you won’t get any judgment from me. Of course, I used to have a personal trainer run my hyper kangaroo dog 5 miles a day so I say, go for it.
But if the elitist dog route isn’t for you, you could always acquire another dog to keep your current one company. Of course, that will be double the amount of dog crap all over your house but on the bright side, less guilt!
Good luck with the dog. And the husband.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
13 Comments <-- Click to comment
You Might Have Too Many Pets if They Start Eating Each Other
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
On a routine trip to the pet store to get dog food, my 10 year old fell in love with the hamster/gerbil/guinea pig section. Now she is DYING for one. The problem is that we already have a dog and a cat and everything I have read confirms my suspicions that the cat will eat the thing. So is there a cat proof hamster home out there?
I explained that we have to respect our current pets that were here first and not tempt them with meaty chewables and I thought that worked. But this morning I woke to a full page letter wishing me all the luck in “finding” a hamster. What should I do?
Signed,
We Love Dogs, Cats and Rodents Too!
________________________________
Dear Animal Lovers,
I am going to tell you a very unfortunate story and I only hope you will learn from my wise words. When I was a kid, I had the chance to bring home the class guinea pigs for the summer. This was an honor indeed!
And I made sure those guinea pigs had the most fabulous summer (sun bathing, frolicking, water skiing) – right up until the day they got eaten by our two dogs. There is nothing worse than having to explain to your teachers why you are coming back from summer vacation with an empty guinea pig cage.
Dogs and cats are always going to be very interested in eating hamsters, guinea pigs and gerbils. So there is always a risk of little Herb the hamster becoming your kitty cat’s next meal. I would advise a cage with a very secure top. Ask your local pet store what to buy. And I would put something heavy on top of it to make sure no one gets out and no one gets in. Like a big fat hardcover book. Because your Kindle ain’t keeping anyone out of that cage.
And one more tip on animals: If you ever get bunnies and let them run around your yard, they, too, will be eaten. I know. I’m not a fast learner.
Good luck to you.
Kelcey, TMH
22 Comments <-- Click to comment
It’s a Barkfest in My Neighborhood and My Dog is Getting Blamed
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
The route for our nightly dog walk takes us down a street that has four houses of dogs that bark. They aren’t in a row, but scattered down the street. About a month ago, the woman in the last dog barking house (she has yap-yap dogs) came outside when we walked by and gave us a dirty look. Then a couple of weeks ago, she was outside when we walked by, so I smiled and said hi. In return, she gave me a dirty look and said, “Oh, she’s walking her dog again.”
She has now rudely complained to me that her dogs bark every time I walk by. I find it really hard to believe that my dog is the only dog that her yap-yap dogs bark at. By the way, my dog is very well trained and doesn’t participate in any of the barking.
Am I wrong here? Should I do the mature thing and change our route?
Signed,
Who Let the Rude Dog Owner Out
__________________________________
Dear WLTRDOO,
My most recent experience with dog ownership was our frantic, high energy lab mix that once chased after a one-armed jogger at the beach and nipped at his heels for the entire length of the shoreline, so I may not be the best judge of dog etiquette.
However, my mother knows all when it comes to man’s best friend. This is the woman who once gazed at my newborn daughter and said, “She’s so beautiful. She looks just like Lilly.” Lilly happens to be her dog and yes, she meant it as the greatest compliment one could bestow on a newborn baby.
So after reading your question, I immediately gave my mom a ring. She claims that some canines can dislike certain dogs, so it’s possible that these neighborhood dogs do have a problem with your pooch. Of course, I don’t know if my mom can be trusted because she also insists that her beautiful dog Lilly never barks except when my family comes to visit her, which just can’t be true.
Now that we have established that my mother is probably a liar, let’s review your options. Change your nightly walk, which sounds like the best idea since there are four houses with barking dogs and you can find a quieter street. Or torment this rude dog owner by walking your dog multiple times by her house every day and giving her gift wrapped dog muzzles for the holidays. Your choice. I hate dealing with mean people, so I would take the high road, or rather the quieter road.
Good luck to you.
Kelcey, TMH
RSS Feed
