Mouthing Off: Boycotting Dancing With The Stars
Welcome back to Mouthing Off, an every-once-in-while feature where we Mouth Off on issues that have caught our eye.
It’s amazing that we don’t update this hourly. Sheesh.
Today we’re Mouthing Off about the threatened boycott of Dancing With the Stars.
At first we were all for it, assuming that the protestors were upset about ABC playing loosey goosey with the term “Stars.” Seriously, come on. Rob Kardashian? Nancy Grace? We’ll give you solar mass, but they’re not stars.
But we soon realized that people are calling for a boycott of the show because one of the contestants is Chaz Bono, the son of Sonny Bono and Cher No Last Name Required. (And do you know why there’s No Last Name Required? That’s right, because Cher is a star.)
The boycotters’ concern is that seeing Chaz will confuse children. And the children will then ask questions. And we think that we can all agree it’s better to boycott something than have it lead to actually talking with your child.
One viewer said, “Manufactured genitalia is not the conversation I want to have with my children.” Excellent point. When we watch television with our children, we don’t discuss the genitalia of anyone on the show. Manufactured or otherwise. Obviously, a missed opportunity there because Lord knows we have so much to say about Glenn Beck’s junk.
But all kidding aside, what would happen if your child were to ask, unlikely as it would be, “Mom, was this man ever a woman?” What would the harm be in saying, “Yes, Chaz Bono was born a woman. But that is not who he is.” Even if this happens, we promise your child isn’t going to ask for gender reassignment for her next birthday.
Because being transgendered is not contagious. And if at some future time your child were to encounter someone struggling with the issue of gender identity, is it really a bad thing if your kid were sympathetic instead of terrified? Compassionate instead of bigoted? We’ve heard talk that humanity can shine as bright as stardom.
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My RSVP Is No To This Prison Party
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a family situation that is just terrible. My little brother, who is now 20, will be going to prison for offenses involving drugs, theft, etc. for a few years. This has been a LONG time coming since he started down this path at the tender age of 14. My parents are upset with how my siblings and I have handled this, basically they believe he needs our support and we should have more contact with him while he serves his sentence IN PRISON!!!! My parents and I have gone head to head on this issue too many times over the past 5 yrs or so, I’ve told them he’s NOT the brother I grew up with and I don’t want a relationship with him. Am I wrong for not wanting to send my brother a card or letter or pictures of my child, who he’s only seen three times anyway? Am I wrong for being honest with my parents about my decision? Why can’t they respect the relationship (or lack there of) I’ve chosen to have with my brother?
Signed,
Rejecting a Rikers Reunion
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Dear Rejecting a Rikers Reunion,
Let me begin by saying I’ve been studying my prison slang dictionary (it helps with Scrabble) so I can relate to this problem not only on an empathetic level, but also on a verbal one.
Having a sibling that is “going away to cooking school” can be an extremely stressful and very emotional ordeal for the entire family and not everyone is going to look at Little Johnny’s time “killing his number” in the same way.
To your parents he is still their little baby boy. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine if it were your child who was “on the hustle.” It has to be hard for them to separate the baby they held in their arms 20 years ago and the adult who’s been “slinging rock” and “jumping out.”
Ok, I’m being told that I have to stop the slang now. Perhaps, this is because I just fashioned a shank out of my toothbrush and asked my husband who I needed to cut to score some cake up in this joint.
The important thing here is to understand where your parents are coming from. That being said, as a parent yourself, you still must do what you think is best for your own family. And if that means keeping your distance from your brother and halting any contact between him and your child then, as the mother here, you know best.
Explain to your parents that you understand their position and the unfailing love they have for their son. Tell them that you respect their desire to continue to support him; that you hope things with your brother will change for the better. However, until that time, you must do what you believe is best for yourself and for your family.
Signed,
Tonya, TMH
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Mouthing Off: Do My Bones Make Me Look Fat In These Jeans?
It’s become increasingly clear that Kate Middleton and her sister, she of the distinguished derriere, must have some knowledge crucial to a superpower’s security because they have obviously been given what in some circles is termed “torture-lite.” This is a practice whereby the victim is literally starved for information. Both women have become, simultaneously, über-thin and, strangely, powerful role models for young girls. Their gaunt frames are paraded on websites dedicated to pro-anorexia and severe dieting as the epitome of what a woman should strive to look like.
We have known for years that anorexia is a disease with life-threatening and lethal consequences. Yet the media continues to encourage unhealthy weight loss as a status symbol; the ultimate in female beauty. Is being a size 0 really worth dying for? Is it even, in true reality, beautiful?
Frankly, we don’t want to imagine a whole society based around the idea that Rachel Zoe is “curvy.” Or that Angelina Jolie needs to lose a few pounds! Since when did starving yourself become such an amazing experience? Sure, there’s Kate Moss and her favorite saying: “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels,” but then we have to remember she’s a cokehead! Of course she’s NOT hungry! I mean, why eat a muffin when your teeth are just gonna fall out soon anyway? I came across a few other “Thinspiration tips” (for those not imbibing of the cocoa plant or bathtub meth):
- When you get hunger pains, curl into a ball. It makes them go away.
- Get out of your house! If you’re not sitting around then people can’t start shit with you about not eating.
- Eat ice or gum when hungry. This will make your body think it had food without the calories.
Clearly, this advice is from a medical professional. I mean ice instead of food…well…genius, think of all of the vitamins and antioxidants contained in frozen water. And forget famine! Just bring your knees to your chin! You’ll be fine!
We really can’t comprehend why and when the definition of “beautiful” came to encompass “close to death.” How is that attractive? Well, apparently it isn’t. A recent study found that a woman’s curves act like a reward to a man’s brain. This makes total sense. Beyonce, J.Lo, Christina Hendricks, and Sofia Vergara aren’t popular without reason. And aside from their obvious talent, we now know there’s a fundamental scientific reason why our husbands sit nose-touching-the-television close when Modern Family is on.
So our advice to Kate and Pippa is just to give up the intel and grab a burger already. Eating is fun, healthy, and incredibly important. We can’t live without it and we won’t live long or well when it’s severely restricted.
Seeing women who starve themselves, or appear to, being paraded as role models is terrifying to us as parents. It is a wake up moment that shows us we must teach our children that mealtime can be healthy, fun, and essential. That taking pleasure in a healthful meal is normal. That denying yourself food is not glamorous and can be dangerous.
If you know someone with an eating disorder please contact this helpline, it could save their life!
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Thank you to Hillshire Farm for sponsoring this post. Check out their Social Twist promotion where you will have the opportunity to download a Hillshire Farm coupon for 55 cents. Or share the link socially and get a higher value coupon.
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Should You Smack Down a Smacktalker?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 9-year-old daughter had a friend over the other day and the friend stayed for dinner. I asked both girls to set the table. The friend didn’t seem to mind, but her mom later told another mom at school that I invite kids over to use them to “do my job” around the house. I’m annoyed. I don’t really have a relationship with her beyond exchanging pleasantries, so should I talk to her or just write her off as crazy?
Signed,
Miffed Mom
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Dear Miffed Mom,
I don’t usually condone Mom on Mom violence, but in this case, the woman obviously deserves a slap upside the head. “Pow! Yeah, that’ll learn you to talk shit about me, you ugly, gossipy hosebeast! Now lick my shoes and polish my silver before I unleash my other fist, beeyotch! Grrrr….”
Who says female fantasies are a waste of time?
Anyway, my advice is to just let this slide and move on. Of course, I mean “move on” while continuing to harbor a deep, petty grudge against this ridiculous woman for at least ten more years, which pretty much describes my relationships with 60% of the mothers in my neighborhood. (And the other 40% had better watch it if they know what’s good for them.) (There’s a slight possibility I’ve had too much red meat today.)
However, even if you take the high road, never fear because you can still have fun with this woman. For example, the next time she sees you and your daughter, say something like, “Sorry, can’t talk! We have to get home so my kids can scrub toilets and regrout the countertops!” Or “Gee, my daughter would love to sleep over at your house, but her chain gang is breaking up rocks in my yard this weekend while I whip them with a belt. Maybe next time?”
But whatever you do, just take heart in knowing that you’re probably not the only one in your neighborhood to whom she’s said nasty things. Crazy doesn’t like to keep quiet, but Crazy should also be avoided at all costs. Don’t feed the insanity.
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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Mouthing Off: Girls Can Be Pretty And Good At Math
Dear Parents of Girls,
Please don’t be upset that your daughters are trailing the boys in their math class. If they’re pretty, they don’t need to worry about it!
Because it seems that pretty kills brain cells.
At least according to this magnet that was, until recently, sold at Forever 21.
By the way, who knew that Forever 21 sold magnets?!
And where are the “I’m too much of a jock to know how to read” magnets?
Surely they’ll fly off the shelves. Especially if they’re illustrated so that the illiterate can understand them.
Hey, we know! How about we come up with other instant best-seller magnet ideas?
“I’m too hot to pay taxes!”
“Too adorable to make dinner!”
“Too disgusted by our daughters being subjected to sexist slogans to buy your crap!”
We think we’d sell a ton.
special thanks to Glamamom for tweeting about this.
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