The Case of The Beer Drinking Breastfeeder
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
One of my best friends just had a baby. We went to dinner with him, the baby’s mama and the new baby. All was fine, until the baby got hungry and the mama fed the baby. Let me clarify, the mama was drinking and then breastfed the baby. The mama consumed three pints of beer over the course of about three hours and fed the baby three times while I was there. Now, I don’t have kids, and I’m not a doctor, so I didn’t say anything. But, later I brought this up to some friends and they said I should have said/done something.
To make matters worse, the mama posts a lot on Facebook, including things like outrageously long sleeping times for the baby and how she wishes she could drink more to deal with life, but says that breastfeeding limits her alcohol intake. I feel at a loss. I feel like she’s doing things she shouldn’t do and may be hurting her baby in the process. My best friend didn’t say a word the entire night, and actually tends to encourage her drinking.
This situation is really difficult to watch, especially since my husband and I have been trying for years to get pregnant and are having issues. We aren’t even sure if having a child is going to happen for us.
Do I say something? Do I call Child Services? Do I let it go for fear of being that irrational woman who jeopardizes a 20+ year friendship? Help!
Signed,
Mama Didn’t Just Do That, Did She?
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Dear Mama Didn’t Just Do That, Did She?,
First, I am mother, but I am not a medical professional, although, frankly, I really should be. Especially, given the amount of self-help books I’ve read and the number of hypochondriac websites I visit on a weekly basis. But I do believe that you have a right to be alarmed. I’m not going to sugar coat it, this is a tough situation. Having three drinks in three hours and breastfeeding a baby three times adds up to definite inappropriate behavior. Normally, I try to reserve my judgement of other mothers to the celeb moms I see in Us Weekly, but this case sounds like a very unhealthy state of affairs. Not only was that a possibly damaging amount of alcohol for a child to consume, it’s also dangerous when you consider the responsiveness needed to care for a newborn baby.
It could be that the baby’s mama is overwhelmed and/or depressed, and instead of knowing how to deal with it or whom to turn to, she’s using alcohol to soothe these feelings. Unfortunately, she now has another life depending on her so drinking beer non-stop is not the correct way to fix the situation. It also seems that your friend might be in denial. Don’t misunderstand me—I’m not making excuses for them. I’m simply stating what could be going on.
That being said, you need to have a very serious conversation with your friend. I realize that you may be putting a 20+ year relationship in jeopardy, however, there is a newborn involved who can’t speak up for him/herself. It’s possible that your friend may be upset or angry with you for bringing up the mama’s alcohol consumption, but it’s also possible that he doesn’t even see it. And, it’s also very likely that the mother may need help.
I would try and discuss the situation in terms of your concern for how the mother and baby are doing. Try and leave out the Facebook updates, if possible, since it’s hard to know what she’s really doing and also if the baby’s sleep cycle is related in any way to her possible alcohol consumption.
Keep the discussion concrete. Talk about what you witnessed. You could also try and get your friend to open up about how he feels, how their relationship is faring, and what may be really going on. Make sure your friend understands that this is coming from a place of love and you simply want to help.
Some people may not agree with me, but I would suggest you hold off contacting Child Services unless you witness any other occasions where this woman is drinking heavily and putting her child in real danger. I know this is a difficult situation for you on many levels, but it seems that you are willing to do what is right for your friend and his child.
This is such a complicated subject that I would also like to encourage our readers to weigh in. It’s possible that one of them has had a similar situation and maybe they can tell you what did or didn’t work.
Good Luck,
Tonya TMH
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Mouthing Off: Halloween Horror
We here at The Mouthy Housewives (also known as “The Houthy Mousewives” after two bottles of Pinot Noir) love Halloween because, well, we literally get to steal candy from babies. This year, however, our excitement has been a bit dulled by the horror we’ve been experiencing whilst shopping for our children’s costumes, and not horror in a good way like watching for another “nip slip” from Nancy Grace.
Some of the costumes we came across simply made us realize that costume makers must drink…a lot. And not in a “few glasses of wine each night with dinner” kind of way, more in a “doing beer bongs, dancing on tables and waking up in your mailman’s front yard with nothing on but his mailbag and a pile of letters for a pillow” kind of way (What? It happens!). Take a look:
But then we found these costumes, which made us feel torn: should we call Child Services or vomit on our Slankets? We decided to do both. Because we know that for twenty-something, on-the-prowl co-eds and women with the last name “Kardashian,” Halloween is a time for dressing as your favorite porn actress. But when exactly did that become acceptable (not that it is even for those of age) for children—especially young girls—to dress up this way?
Halloween is a time for imagination and creativity to run wild. A time when our children are able to be anything or anyone they wish to be. This world of possibilities, however, should NEVER EVER include eroticizing an innocent child. By doing so, we rob them of their childhood and, in most cases, their sense of self worth. Sexualizing a child, a tween, or even a teenager is disgusting and inexcusable.
Happy Halloween? It will be if nobody wears those stupid costumes.
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How to Be the Purrfect Girlfriend
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his cat is an asshole. He wakes me up in the middle of the night, attacks my feet and looks at me funny.
How long do cats generally live? My boyfriend is very attached to the cat, so please don’t suggest getting rid of him.
Signed,
Cat Hater
___________________________
Dear Cat Hater,
One of the things we pride ourselves on the most at The Mouthy Housewives is our ability to put aside our personal biases and answer each question with an open mind. Therefore, let me just close my Cat Fancy magazine and lovingly tuck Dickens, my little calico cat who gives me reason to get up each morning, into her silk lined kitty basket before I give you a fair and balanced response. (ahem)
YOU’RE A BIG, MEAN CAT HATER AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD DUMP YOU BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE REAL LOVE!
OK, maybe that response tilted a little more to one side than the other. Can I try it again?
IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S CAT, GOOD LUCK WITH HIS MOTHER, DUMMY!
Nope—still a little unbalanced, I think. One more time:
HOW DO YOU THINK THE CAT LIKES YOU MOVING INTO HER HOUSE? HUH? EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU STOLE HER PERSON, YOU MISERABLE THIEF!
And……nailed it. Fair AND balanced! Booyah!
Here’s the thing: the cat was there before you, your boyfriend loves the cat. Therefore, you need to learn to live with it. For starters, see if it’s possible to keep the cat out of the bedroom while you sleep. That should cut down on the waking you up part. Wear socks or shoes if she’s attacking your feet. It sounds like she’s got a lot of kitten in her, so that’ll probably subside soon.
And as far as thinking that the cat is “looking at you funny,” well, that’s just weird. Even weirder than The Friskies Fairy leaving cat food around your house. So unless you can get the cat to agree to wear little cat sunglasses, you’re just going to have to ignore it. The cat really isn’t out to get you. It’s more interested in the mice under your bed.
You love your boyfriend. Your boyfriend loves his cat. Keep an open mind and you just might grow to love the cat, too and live meowfully ever after. (Sorry.)
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
P.S. Miss Dickens just had her 19th birthday. You might be in this for the long haul, my friend.
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Mouthing Off: Toddler T&A!
Toddlers & Tiaras has really taken the cake recently for the portrayal of toddlers in their beauty pageants. Of course, we should point out that they haven’t yet (YET) had a preschooler pop out of an actual cake. Recently, however, they had a three-year-old dressed up like Julia Roberts’ hooker character from Pretty Woman and a four-year-old entertain as Dolly Parton, complete with cleavage and junk in the trunk. Even TMZ was horrified!
The fact that young girls love the the movie Pretty Woman is a bit disturbing in and of itself – hello, Julia is a hooker! Now, we aren’t saying prostitutes don’t deserve love, happiness and fabulous jewelry, but should little girls dream of walking the streets in order to snag a Prince Charming? Is this realistic? Or, more to the point, is it appropriate? Apparently pageant mom, Wendy Dickey (no relation to TMH Wendi…that we know of…), thinks that it is. She recently dressed her toddler in a pint-sized version of Julia’s hooker costume from the movie! She went on to support this decision by stating that she also dressed her as the “classy” version of Julia (you know, after Richard Gere has saved her and cleaned her up) later in the show. Well, that makes everything better. Oh, wait. No. The character is still from a movie about a HOOKER! (An aside: Julia Roberts was only paid $300,000 for her part in the film. Poor actress. What ever happened to her?)
Wendy (not Wendi) went on to defend her choice by insisting that her daughter had no idea what the costume signified. Well, all we can say is that it’s a good thing there’s no photographic or video evidence that may pop up later in the child’s life. Whew. That was a close one.
As if purposefully making up your toddler like a prostitute isn’t dig-your-eyeballs-out-with-an-ice-cream-scoop ridiculous enough, another woman, Lindsay Jackson, dressed her daughter up as an anatomically correct Dolly Parton! We’ll just let that set in for a second. Yes, to play the country singing icon the four-year-old was given C-cup padded breasts and an ample derriere (We believe Beyonce would call it Bootylicious? Scratch that, we’re pretty sure Beyonce would say: “Oh hell NO, The House of Dereon does NOT do that!”). Now, we love Dolly as much as the next person but we’re pretty sure that even the Dollywood owner, who once said “I modeled my looks on the town tramp,” would agree that this was not good judgment.
Sadly, the tale of so-disturbing-we-must-chug-an-entire-box-of-Fraznia-and-do-you-know-how-much-this-wreaks-havoc-on-our-GERD? toddler clothing is not finished. There is a French company, Jours Après Lunes, that has just come out with a line of lingerie for young girls. Not teenagers. Little children! Even their ad campaign has the little girls all vamped up, prancing around in lace “bras” and panties with bed head and jewelry! When did it become acceptable for little girls to be paraded around like sex objects? Even the poses in the ads are extremely suggestive. Frankly, if the police should confiscate our computer here at TMH (We don’t know why they would. We have most certainly NOT been been playing Canasta with Tobey Maguire, Ben Affleck, and Leonardo DiCaprio) we’d have some serious ‘splainin’ to do once they found these images in our history. Perhaps the French have been watching too much Toddler & Tiaras?
What do you think? Are we getting our Spanx’ed derrieres in a twist over nothing?
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All By Myself (Don’t Wanna Be) All By Myself
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am 22-years-old and currently living and working in Holland with my Dutch boyfriend. In September, I am moving to Scotland to go to university. My boyfriend has been desperately trying to get a job in Edinburgh so we can live together, but hasn’t had any luck. This means I’m now facing the prospect of living alone.
My parents are paying the rent so that they can come up and stay in the spare room on the weekends (meaning, no option of a roommate). My problem is that I am so, so scared! I hate being by myself when I’m at home and the prospect of living alone makes me hyperventilate. How will I be able to get up in the dark in the middle of the night?! I am considering buying a nightlight and a TV for every room in the house to stop me being afraid. Please help.
Signed,
Scaredy Cat
__________________________
Dear Scaredy Cat,
After reading your question as a 40-something mother who hasn’t had even a single moment to herself all freaking summer, I have one question for you: Wanna trade? Because you sound like someone who’d actually enjoy having people stand outside the bathroom door yelling your name while you pee, so maybe we could—crap. Excuse me just a sec, will you?
I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! MOMMY’S TRYING TO WRITE! YES, I AM! YES, I AM! WHAT’S THAT? NO, YOU CAN’T COME IN HERE! BECAUSE I SAID SO! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU’RE BLEEDING? WHERE? IS IT AN ARTERY? THEN JUST RUB SOME DIRT ON IT AND BE QUIET! I SAID DIRT, NOT PUDDING! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS, OK? OK?! OMG, WHY IS THIS MY LIFE, GOD?
Sorry about that. Let’s go back to your problem of living all alone in a beautiful, clean Scottish apartment, shall we? It sounds so SCARY.
But all kidding aside, it’s perfectly normal to be a bit nervous about living alone for the first time. However, you’re living in Edinburgh, which my (Wikipedia) research tells me is a fairly safe city. Seriously, per the crime statistics, the most common offense is “Dishonesty.” You’re not exactly living in Hell’s Kitchen here, baby. Your biggest risk is getting hurt by a fib.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still use common sense, so always keep your doors and windows locked and never, ever open the door for anyone you don’t know. Maybe even have your dad install a motion detection light on your porch, too. Open eyes and ears are key.
Other thoughts are a self defense class, a dog who likes to bark and/or a baseball bat and some pepper spray near your side of the bed. (But beware of pepper spray in your nightstand. Let’s just say it’s easy to grab it at the wrong moment.) Also, get to know your neighbors and trust that you’ll all look out for each other.
But most of all, try to relax. Paranoia can be your best friend, but it can also drive you crazy so don’t let it. Living alone is a great, freeing experience and one you should try to enjoy while you still can.
I SAID I’M ALMOST DONE IN HERE! YES, I DID! WHAT? YOU DID WHAT TO THE CAT? RUB SOME DIRT ON IT!
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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