Is That Your Perfume, Or Are We Being Fumigated?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Help! My roommate wears too much perfume. She is a lovely woman but she wears a ton of cheap perfume each day. She sprays it on in one end of our house and I can smell it upstairs at the opposite end before she’s even done spraying. It makes me want to gag and I have a hard time catching my breath. It’s a terrible way to start my day. I have been leaving all the windows open in the house to air it out but that isn’t gonna fly in our fast-approaching northern winter. What can I say to get her to ditch the perfume?
Signed,
Must You Marinate In It?
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Dear Marinate,
Oh, I’ve been there. Where your roommate is, I mean. I’d spray a gallon or two of the finest that Walgreen’s had to offer, and suddenly everyone within gagging distance would be wrinkling their noses and feigning fainting spells. So unnecessary when a simple, “nothing personal, but your perfume is making me sick!” will do the trick nicely.
I know that it’s popular to lie and say that you are allergic to her scent, and if you need that crutch, then by all means. But I think that there are others in her life who suffer along with you, and since you’re the first point of contact, you should take one for the team and just let her know. If you feel like you can’t be blunt and tell her, “you’re putting on way too much perfume on and it’s suffocating me,” I suggest that you engage her in a riveting round of Guess What I Find Annoying About You? After she submits one insecurity after another for your consideration, surprise her with “it’s your perfume!” She’s guaranteed to be relieved that it’s just that an not the fact that she’s a whore with daddy issues or her cankles.
Happy breathing!
Marinka, TMH
8 Responses to “Is That Your Perfume, Or Are We Being Fumigated?”
Comment by Betty Herbert.
Excellent advice, Marinka. Seeing as you’ve got it all worked out, would you mind dropping round and explaining the same to my mother? She’s still in the habit of drenching herself in half a bottle of Obsession every morning, despite it clearly not having been 1992 for quite some time.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
While the roommate is probably young (I’m just guessing) Mom’s Obsession obsession could be partly because as we get older our olfactory senses become much more dull. Mom may be piling it on because she’s not getting the sensory input like she used to – she just plain doesn’t recognize the smell until she’s swimming in it.
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
Or the Mom’s Obsession thing could be because she is in “I’m old and I can do what I want” mode. That’s my mother’s excuse for everything. Including why she has sixteen boxes of strawberry Twinkies in her pantry. But that’s another story.
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Comment by Nava.
Every person I’ve ever had to talk to about their perfume habit has told me “oh, that’s because it fades so quickly!” Um, no, it doesn’t. You just get used to the smell, but that doesn’t stop it from knocking over each new person you encounter throughout the day. ugh.
This is also one of the reasons I don’t wear perfume myself, just in case I wind up being one of ‘those ladies’.
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Karin W Reply:
August 17th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
you know, I don’t know a single person my age (32) who wheres perfume on a daily basis… the ones that I do know are either older than my mom or teenagers…
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Must U Marinate Reply:
August 17th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
You are totally right Plano Mom and Karin; she is in her 50′s and I’m sure that part of it is a throwback to her professional days. But how do I tell her without being cruel?
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Comment by subWOW.
I have no advice better than this to give. I just want to express my gratitude for your not providing the “RIGHT” answer that says: You could buy her some new perfume in a lighter scent that you like. You know Dear Abby would have totally suggested that. You know, just to be nice. Ugh.
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Karin W Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 8:58 am
or it could be that where she puts it on already has a haze of the scent so she’s not smelling it b/c she’s already become used to the scent. It’s why that glade alternating 2 scent plug-in works better than the single scent oil.
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