How To Handle The Neighborhood Hottie
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
A neighbor of mine had plastic surgery over the winter and got a tummy tuck, lipo and a boob job. She looks fantastic, but now she wants everyone to know it. For the past few weeks, she’s been strutting around our neighborhood pool in a teeny bikini that’s not at all appropriate for her age. Now all of the other women here–her supposed friends–are making catty remarks about her and gossiping behind her back. Do I tell her to cover-up or do I just let her enjoy her moment in the sun?
Signed,
Pals with Plastic Patty
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Dear Pals with Plastic Patty,
If you live in a suburban neighborhood long enough, you’re bound to know a woman like this who undergoes what is commonly known as “a mommy makeover.” In fact, around my area they’re so popular that the city had to install a new stoplight in front of the plastic surgeon’s office. (Because Liposuction + Vicodin + SUV = Watch the f*# out!)
For example, last year a divorced neighbor of mine suddenly went from brown haired lumpy troll to skinny blonde hottie in Juicy short-shorts. It was like “The Ugly Duckling” story, only with Restylane injections and chemical peels. Anyway, what do you suppose her friends said to her after her big transformation? Was it “Congratulations on your new look”? “Now your outer beauty matches your inner beauty”? “I wish I looked just like you”?
Nope. They called her “T*ts LaRue” and got angry at their husbands for checking her out at Back to School night. Word has it that the nasty way they treated her made her feel totally devastated. (Well, at least until she started dating her daughter’s 30-year-old swim coach. That seemed to improve her mood quite a bit.)
But let’s assume that like Miss LaRue, the reason your friend had the surgery was to feel better about herself. And let’s also assume that her self-esteem is now quite a bit higher than it was before. Is that really something you want to take away from her? Chances are she’s no dummy and she already knows that people are saying snarky things behind her back, so your chiming in is just going to make it worse. If she’s not hurting anyone or causing any trouble or stealing anyone’s husband, just be quiet and let her strut her new hot body around the pool.
After the small fortune she paid for it, it’s the least you can do.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
9 Responses to “How To Handle The Neighborhood Hottie”
Comment by From Belgium.
If it really is that bothering you could make a comment a la : ‘You look fabulous, I wish I had the stomach to do it, it is really great that a woman of your age can strut around in a bikini more appropriate for a teenager thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery’.
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Comment by GrandeMocha.
How about, “If I had a body like yours, I’d show it off too.”
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
I’d probably just leave her alone and address the catty wenches, something like, “Oh, golly jeepers, I thought she was a close friend of yours. How’s about talking TO her instead of ABOUT her, if you have a problem?”
It’s always fun to see if they have enough sense to be embarrassed.
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Cary Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Totally. Your friend isn’t the problem its the other that are making the catty remarks. So I’d get them to stop rather getting your friend to cover up.
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Comment by dahlila.
STrut away dear! & why the hell not. She’s never going to be this young again ever–& either are you. So if you’ve got the balls–or boobs–to strut your stuff, then do it.
As long as you;re not hurting anyone, then go for it! Who’s to say what is age appropriate. Let thee without a life cast the first stone. Life is way to short to not to have some wild joy in it.
dahlila
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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
I have the same problem with a twist in my neighborhood: my old lady neighbor sits on her front lawn in her floral shift and knee highs, but her arthritis leaves her unable to cross her legs NOR put on underwear. We all bear the brunt of that one. But, like the advice above, I’m not saying a word. That’s just the neighborly way.
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Peggy Sue Brister Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 10:37 am
That’s just disguising a smartass comment as a compliment.
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Cary Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Yep sounds dreadfully bitchy and mean.
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