With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I had a friend. I know him from Thespian club and from several classes we take together. We used to meet often with a few mutual friends to study and hang out. But I’ve overheard him telling his friends that he is only friends with me to get better grades. (I admit, I sort of stalked him.)
I finally confronted him by mashing his lunch into his face and then telling him to go and die in front of two of our close friends. Since then, I’ve been trying to act like he’s a stranger, but he won’t let go of the fact that I once considered him a friend. His birthday is coming up soon, and I want to know if I should get him a present.
Sincerely, Seeing Red
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Dear Seeing Red,
Well, the last time I stalked a guy and then he used me for better grades and then I mashed lunch in his face and then I told him to die and then he didn’t let go of the friendship, I distinctly remember that I did not buy him a present. But that might have been because Spencer’s Gifts at the mall was all out of those “I’m a Lover and a Drinker” flasks.
This really isn’t about the present. It’s about your friendship with this guy. Is it worth holding on to? If yes, then have a conversation with him (not over a meal since that gets a little messy with you). Ask him why he said such hurtful things about you and he better be enormously contrite and apologetic.
I’m guessing this fellow Thespian is either an insensitive, insecure jerk who wanted to seem cool around his friends by putting you down or he is digging your theatrical chili big time. Because since the first caveman, guys have been insulting girls who they really secretly love. And I suspect you have a crush on him too (the stalking was sort of the telltale sign).
But if you now realize that you have no interest in pursuing a friendship, then just firmly tell him that you prefer friends who are actually nice people. However, you would be happy to tutor him in all his classes at a rate of $35 an hour. And save the present for someone who really deserves it.
Keep us posted on what happens. I love a good Thespian rumble.
Good luck to you,
Kelcey, TMH
10 Responses to “With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?”
Comment by LISA5OF5.
Ha! Your response is extra snappy, Kelcey. Good job.
Come on now, Red. Unless your goal is to overhear him saying “I just hang out with her for the grades PLUS she gives me stuff” then don’t buy him anything. And on his birthday, instead of delivering a gift maybe you will finally deliver your message, which is (or at least should be) that you are moving on and so should he.
You deserve a better class of friend.
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Comment by fletch.
If she is 12 she has got major chutzpah. I only dreamed about mashing lunches into peoples faces at that age. I still sometimes dream about it.
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Comment by Mary.
You should definitely get him a gift. And it should definitely be a box of instant mashed potatoes.
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Comment by grandmother of 5.
HA!! HA!!! HA!!!! I almost peed my pants at Kelcy and Lisa’s answeres—they were both right on HA!!!!
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Comment by kelcey.
LISA5OF5… Of course! Why didn’t I think of “Unless your goal is to overhear him saying “I just hang out with her for the grades PLUS she gives me stuff” then don’t buy him anything.
Exactly.
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Desperate Dietwives Reply:
January 2nd, 2012 at 3:56 am
Hahahaha!!! I love this one!!!
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