You’ve Got Rude Mail
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My friend sends very curt emails. When she asks me to do something, she never says “please” and “thank you.” Do I say something (and if so, what?) or just let it go. Am I over-sensitive?
Signed,
Magic Word Marge
___________________________________________________
Dear Marge,
It often can be very difficult to figure out the tone and meaning of an email. I once had a boyfriend who emailed, “We both really need a break.” I was half way through planning our itinerary to Southern Italy so we could get a break from work and go on holiday together when it suddenly occurred to me that he might mean a break from me. Turns out, he was totally into the idea of going to Southern Italy. He just preferred to do it with some brunette he met at work.
Sometimes we read emails the wrong way. You might think your friend’s emails are rude and she may just be quickly typing something out on her Blackberry. I promise you that she has no idea she’s offending you. Many of us take shortcuts while typing on our cell phones in an effort to avoid crippling finger pain and the words “Thank you” might be 8 letters too many for your friend.
I’m not sure what she’s asking of you in these emails. If it’s, “Can you pick up some wine on your way to the party?” I might let the “please” and “thank you” thing go. If it’s, “Can you take care of my 5 children for the long weekend?” I would demand some manners.
If it’s really bothering you, send her an email about it but try to soften the tone with one of those completely overused, totally annoying smiley faces. Like, “Hey girl, I’m happy to return your library books for you but I’d love to hear the magic word. 
That sort of thing.
Good luck to you!
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
11 Responses to “You’ve Got Rude Mail”
Comment by GrandeMocha.
My husband complains that I don’t start emails with “Hi Hubby”. I just say what I need to say. I’m used to texting. I try to remember to do it his way when I send emails to him.
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Comment by writingmama04.
RE: GrandeMocha’s resp: True that. Texting has ruined the discourse. Maybe she is texter? LOL. What’s shorthand for TU and PLS? Or some people just hate to write. It’s a punishment (just ask my 9 year old son). Great advice – more emoticons!
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Comment by Karen at French Skinny.
I’m dying to know if your friend says please and thank you in person. If she’s super sweet on the phone then she just gives bad texts. If not, I wonder what your friend would do if you just started answering all curt requests (orders) with “No”.
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
My friends and I have made a pact never to email or text anything important, because they’re such a poor form of communication. Except for Twitter, of course. Those 140 characters are magic.
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Comment by Becky (Princess Mikkimoto).
Great response! Nicely done!
Oh and when in doubt, don’t forget the “LOL!” at the end of everything.
“I hate your guts and you smell. LOL!”
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Comment by JohnoMori.
I have a brother who has an exclamation point fetish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in all of his texts and emails!!!! He! just! cannot!! be! that! excited!! about! everything!!!!! !.!.
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Comment by Betty Herbert.
Maybe she’s Finnish? My Finnish former boss claims that it’s customary not to say please or thank you in her native country, and now she *just can’t adapt* to all this English fussiness around, y’know, manners and stuff. So perhaps you’re being culturally insensitive. Or perhaps you need to dig out those evil emoticons to assert yourself. >:-P etc.
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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
You’re seeing the downside to virtual communication, which is lost translation and poor manners. The beautiful side to it is that whole ‘virtual rabbit hole’ you can claim everything gets lost in. If her email seems assy, pretend you never got it. When she’s asking you IF YOU RECEIVED her email to pick up her kid at camp again, she’ll probably sweeten it up.
Or just tell her you only respond to emoticons.
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Comment by The Phone! The Phone Is Ringing! | The Mouthy Housewives.
[...] beware! Once you’ve dodged the telephonic bullet, you may still be in danger of email errors or Facebook faux pas. Fortunately, we will be here every step along the way to guide you through [...]
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Comment by subWOW.
Great call on the overuse of smiley faces. People in my company, esp. sr. mgmt uses smiley faces at the end to soften all bad news, e.g. “You are fired.
” Ok. Not that bad news… Another idea: How about “You forgot to say the magic word… You deserve a spanking when I see you next time!”
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