This Mother’s Day Leave Me Alone!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
It’s Mother’s Day and all I want is to be away from my kids. Is that wrong?
Signed,
Really, Not Chocolate. Away from My Kids
_________________________________________
Dear Away,
Wrong is such a harsh word. And Motherhood is so tricky. Kids, don’t even get us started!
Since we’re still busy celebrating our first birthday, we turned to some of our favorite experts for their morsels of wisdom on the subject. Let’s see what they had to say.
Hell to the NO!!! You carried them, birthed them, clothed them, fed them, bandaged them, comforted them, EVERYTHINGED them (yes, that’s a word.) So, YOU deserve a break. The end. – Scary Mommy
Yes, that’s terrible. You are a horrible person. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE ME WITH YOU. – Laura
You should have everything your heart desires on Mother’s Day, except for an affair with your kid’s soccer coach with the chiseled thighs, because that would be just awkward for everyone. – Deb on the Rocks
If that is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. My Mother’s Day will involve sweet tea vodka, naked alone time, and thankfulness that my kids are teens and can entertain themselves all afternoon. Carpe diem, doll! - The Checkout Girl
Not only isn’t it wrong, some people create an entire event specifically for that purpose! -Ann’s Rants
Why would I want to be apart from my kid when I finally got him to mix the drinks properly? -Stephanie
Sanity. n. 1. The condition of wanting to be away from your kids so as to enjoy a quiet meal, think your own thoughts without a million interruptions and remember the inner workings of yourself.
2. Recognition of the inner need for unadulterated adult company.
3. [insert picture of you]. syn. [insert picture of me].
See also, clarity; someone you want to spend time with; ability to avoid living vicariously though your children; humanity; rationality
Not to be confused with lack of joy or passion for time spent with your children. - Anymommy
Yes! Shame on you. As a punishment you have to take my kids on Mother’s Day. I have plans. – Princess Mikimoto
Jam those blue carnations in a vase, put on your new macaroni necklace and get yourself to a spa. Mother’s Day is your only day off of the year. – Smacksy
It’s only wrong if you’re planning on spending it with your online lover’s kids. – Jennifer, Playgroups Are Not for Children.
It’s only wrong if you leave traces of the adhesive used to contain them. Never ever leave proof. – Carolyn Online
So there you have it. The women have spoken. You are in the clear. Enjoy! And have a happy Mother’s Day.
13 Responses to “This Mother’s Day Leave Me Alone!”
Comment by Magically Ordinary.
All I want on Mother’s Day is to sleep in, not do laundry and, not clean anything. I hibernate in bed watching bad lifetime movies. Leave me alone – it’s my day! (:
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Comment by hokgardner.
When my husband asks why I’d want to spend mother’s day away from my kids, I tell him that I spend every day with my kids, so it should be my day to not be with them.
Of course, on Father’s day, he is expected to spend all day with his kids, since he rarely ever gets to spend an entire day with them. And I prefer that he spend the day with them out of the house somewhere.
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
laughed at every one of these. in fact, laughed so hard that i wore myself out and need someone to take my kids on sunday. who’s gonna step up, ladies?
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Comment by red pen mama.
I have been a mommy for more than 5 years now, and I have yet to get to do what I want to do for Mother’s Day. (Well, maybe once.) Which is spend the day alone, reading. And go out to dinner (with the kids is okay, as long as my husband will bathe them and put them to bed later). Oh, well. Someday, my kids will be calling me on Mother’s Day instead. I hope I’m in Italy.
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Comment by Ashley K..
Hilarious! On Mother’s Day you should be able to do whatever the heck you want! So skip out and have a day at the spa. See you there!
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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
I’m planning to fake amnesia all day and proceed to ignore everyone around me on account of not knowing who they are. Worst case, I get dumped off at the hospital, where I can still find some quiet time to read and sleep. Even if it is during a cat scan.
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Comment by Sophie.
I just want A mother’s day. In this country it long ago turned into “family day” (ptooi), like everybody’s suddenly pitching in.
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Comment by thepsychobabble.
I will happily spend all day with my children tomorrow. Provided that they go to my husband for every cookie, ass-wiping and story request.
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Comment by Scary Mommy.
If it wasn’t my husband’s birthday, I would be spending my day far away from my children. Preferably, at a spa with a drink in hand. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
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Comment by Anna Lefler.
It’s hard for me to type with these Swedish massage stones balanced on my forehead (could you go a little lighter with the pressure, Sven? mmmm, just right)…but I wanted to compliment you all on having so many wise advice tidbits in this post!
And Happy Birthday, Ladies! [hic] Sorry – you can ignore that last noise.
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Comment by Cheryl.
May I say this about that? You all rock!
Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
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