Facebook Done Screwed Up Another Relationship
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend (of a year-and-a-half) and I are very serious, very in love, blah blah blah. However, I am having a problem with his ex-girlfriend and her mother on Facebook. They comment on his wall about how much they love him, the mom wishes he were her son-in-law, and the ex-girlfriend says she misses him and how great they were as a couple. She always ends her posts with “Love your high school sweetheart.” It’s been 4 years since they broke up. The ex even sent me an email claiming she tries to break up his relationships this way.
I have all the faith in the world he is completely finished with her, but I feel like their behavior undermines what we have. Even though I have repeatedly asked him to delete her, my boyfriend doesn’t want to lose her friendship and won’t. I don’t mind if they are friends, but now I feel like a whiny brat. This is important to me and I don’t know how to fix it.
Help me please!
Signed,
In a Facebook Fix
_____________________________________________________________________
My Dear In a Facebook Fix,
Let’s cut to the chase: you’re asking The Mouthy Housewives how to control other people’s behavior. Is there anyway you can put them in time-out? Take away their video game time? Restrict them from watching the Cartoon Network?
No?
Well crap, those are the only methods I know for controlling other people’s behavior.
My inner eye tells me you are speaking out of both sides of your mouth. You have “all the faith in the world” that he is finished with her, but you fear she is undermining your relationship. Are you simply trying to be the politically correct girlfriend or do you misunderstand the phrase “all the faith in the world”?
Since we’ve broached the meaning of phrases, I had my husband translate some of the man-speak from your boyfriend. According to him, “doesn’t want to lose her friendship” translates to woman-speak as “I need a back-up bootie call, just in case we break up,” with a secondary translation of “I have a huge ego that must be stroked.”
Uh oh. If there’s anything I hate, it’s a man with a big ego. It’s so time-consuming, stroking it all of the time! How am I supposed to be the center of attention if I’m always soothing his ego? Are you sure you want to date this guy?
If you do, you have two options the way I see it. You can take the high road (snore!) and simply ignore the ex-girlfriend and her mother. You will come away looking mature and enlightened. Or possibly a fool. Don’t hold us accountable. See disclaimer below.
Or, you can take the low road. Since I am in my final phase of Hare Krishna swami training, I’m restricted from encouraging negative auras in others. But I’m sure our readers are not under such restrictions and can help you out with the low road.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
18 Responses to “Facebook Done Screwed Up Another Relationship”
Comment by Peggy S Brister.
I was married to my husband in less than a year, but you are in a relationship of a year & a half. If I asked my husband to remove an ex-girlfriend from his Facebook and he refused, he would be my ex. They were intimate, they have seen each other naked, they probably had feelings for each other, and she has admitted to being a shit starting skanky bitch with all his ex girlfriends trying to break them up. One or both of them are obviously keeping each other around for a just in case. Let him know you aren’t ok with him being friends with somebody he has put his penis in at this point in your relationship and if she means that much to him he can fuggin have her. But then you risk the chance that he will say OK and let you go about your way and stay friends with her.
I would put my foot down and let the chips fall where they may. If he values your feelings he would respect your wishes and let her be a part of his past.
[Reply]
Comment by The Good Cook.
Um.. wants to be remain friends with an obvious psycho who has a mother psycho to match? Who wants that in their lives? Tell him to drop them or you drop him. This stuff is the easy stuff.
[Reply]
Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
I think Adam Sandler said it best (god, I’ve been married too long): Friends don’t listen to Endless Love in the dark. Nor do they post flirtatious public messages on Facebook. If they were Jerry-Elaine, maybe I’d consider your bf’s plea to keep her friendship, but they’re sounding way more Ross-Rachel to me. And you know how that one winds up – there might already be a baby Emma. See if she has her own Facebook page.
[Reply]
Comment by Kayla.
Okay, I have two points to make. The first being that I am on speaking terms with ALL of my ex’s, most of which are either Facebook or MySpace friends. None of them leave comments like that on my page. All of them respect my current relationship.
Second, when my husband and I started dating, his ex tried to get back with him. She even showed up at his work with an expensive Christmas present. He removed her from his Facebook and untagged all the pictures they were in together shortly there after and the gift went strait to Goodwill. Without my asking.
If it bothers you, sit down and talk to him about it. I might help if you have a copy of the message she sent clearly stating that she likes to mess up his relationships. If he’s really not into her, that should be enough to unfriend her.
[Reply]
Comment by Karen at French Skinny.
I think you should totally just ignore it. Waste another year or seven of your life, maybe even marry him and invite her to be your maid of honor. When you eventually find them having sex in the broom closet you can be super surprised and disillusioned. Then you can move to Tuscany, buy a house, a white dress and wait for a cute American writer to happen into your life……….Oh wait, why does that sound so familiar?
I’m no swami. Dump his ass.
[Reply]
Comment by dusty earth mother.
If you’re very in love, blah blah blah, ’tis highly suspect that he would need to keep this friendship. Adultery and cheating doesn’t need to be physical, ya know what I mean jelly bean? Be gentle, be respectful, but let him know that “sweetheart” goes or “the whiny brat” does. If he has any brains at all, he’ll keep “whiny”.
[Reply]
Comment by kmdguerra.
My story is kinda similar to yours…My husband’s ex from high school is a bit crazy and so is her mom. When I felt that my husband was too chummy and close to his ex, he backed off from her until I was able to come to terms with the relationship in my own way…and now she and I are great friends and I see exactly why my husband broke it off with her in the first place.
Your boy doesn’t seem to be willing to do that. A relationship takes work on both sides…you can’t fix the right side of the car and expect it to still run if he isn’t fixing the left side with you. As much as it sucks, if you’ve talked to him about this (rationally mind you!), shown him the bitch’s crazy email, and he still won’t unfriend her, I think you need to throw his ass back into the pond. You deserve waaaaay more respect and commitment. And trust me, there are plenty of other fishies in the sea…you’ll find one that is more than willing to ditch the bitch for you.
[Reply]
Comment by Lisa.
Hey, we’re supposed to be helping her with a map of the low road.
I say every time mommie-dearest or the ex leaves a comment like that on his wall, reply to it with something like, “Wow, that’s so odd that you feel that way considering he spent last night pleasuring me for an hour.”
[Reply]
Comment by Rachel.
It is funny that you wrote that she “claims” that tries to break up his relationships this way. She’s not just claiming that is her MO, it is her MO. And it is working because your boyfriend still likes her enough (and I think more than he likes/respects you)he won’t cut her off. If I had an ex-boyfriend and his mother(!!) leaving comments on my wall of that nature I wouldn’t need someone else to ask me to remove them and cut off contact with these people.
[Reply]
Comment by Linda.
Ohhhhh I would have so played along.
Get a male friend to write stuff on your Facebook, to make him jealous.
Maybe someone from out of state he doesn’t know. Then when he gets jealous….You SAY you remove her & i’ll remove my “EX” !!! DONE !
[Reply]
Comment by Jennifer June.
From an unbias point of view:
If he desperately needs to be her friend still, and if you honestly believe that there is nothing wrong with that, tell him to tell her (and her mother) that they are being disrespectful of his present relationship and that if they don’t stop leaving those messages for him he will be forced to un-friend both of them.
From my own real honest point of view and personal experience…
TO THE CURB.
[Reply]
Comment by Melissa.
Underground Tunnel it:
Where are your claws, woman?! Two can play that game and you can play it better as you have the present advantage of posting recent smut worthy happenings of your lives for the manipulative past dweller and her mother to see.
Hey, you can even above ground it with pictures of you with his parents “We had such a great time. Your mom is so funny” or hey, look at how happy we are here in this picture, or here in this picture, and look at us in our wonderful, grown up, high school sweet hearts can’t have vacations like these pictures.
Don’t forget to use that magnificent tag button that enables every stab to go directly to their updates.
[Reply]
Comment by mom, again.
what you really need is for other people to get involved. like, friend me! and every time the skank posts something inappropriate, I will comment on how wrong it is, how weird that she is still hung up on him, how totally creepy it is that HER MOTHER is still wound up by their long broken relationship. ETC.
Srsly, there must be someone in your circle of friends willing to take on this task of pointing out, publicly, and repeatedly what an ass she is making of herself. And/or to include commentary directed toward the boyfriend’s idiocy in allowing her to continue behaving this way. And once one friend is doing it, soon enough everyone will be harassing her about it. and/or him.
the secret is locating the one friend that can begin the cycle without it looking like you set it up.
[Reply]
Comment by tonya cinnamon.
just write on his wall to her about how sorry you are to her about all her diseases and such and will pray that Jesus will help her and all sorts of bullshit… hey its a public wall fairs fair ^_____^
and go one step further and make all sorts of shit up even more creative maybe that will shut them up LOL
[Reply]
RSS Feed
Jennifer June Reply:
May 15th, 2010 at 10:22 am
I’m not sure but you and I might be the same person.
[Reply]