Hampers Are Our Friends
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
How do I get my husband to put his dirty clothes INTO the hamper? I have tried mentioning that tripping over them when I go to take a shower makes me grumpy. I have tried just silently picking them up myself every single day. I have tried more passive aggressive techniques like loudly teaching my children the lesson that “we don’t leave our clothes on the floor; we put them in the hamper” at bedtime. Last night, my daughter said to me, “I didn’t leave them there. Daddy did.” Which I know is true, since she’s only three and can’t actually get her t-shirt off without a little help. I will completely lose my mind if my children grow up to leave a trail of jackets, shoes, work shirts, sweaters, belts, and other clothing throughout the house as he does. I am tempted to put a sign above the hamper that says “Feed Me.” Is that too mean?
Please tell me you have a magic bullet for this one.
I’m counting on you,
Drowning in Dirty Laundry
_____________________________
Dear Drowning,
Forgive me for leaping, through the laundry, to the assumption that what bothers you about this most is that your children will follow their father’s laundry dropping footsteps. If so, let me reassure you that this will be their future spouse’s problem, and The Mouthy Housewives v.2.0 will walk the poor souls through it in due time.
But if your husband’s unwillingness to befriend Mr. Hamper is maddening, fake a back injury which will prevent you from bending down to pick up whatever is on the floor. He may also have to help you shave your legs and file your toenails for a couple of weeks, but you can’t be expected to do that yourself while you’re fake-healing.
Or you could try a reward system. We know from rearing children that negative attention is still attention, so we will not scold, berate or mock if he drops his laundry. (Or we will do it behind his back, like normal people.) But every time he puts laundry in the hamper, we will rejoice. We will pour lavish praise, we will lead the children to the hamper to show them what daddy can do. We will smile and let him know how much we appreciate his contributing to our smooth running household. As we’ve learned from Real Housewives of New Jersey, “Happy wife, Happy life.”
Pretty soon he will be putting laundry away as though it were his life’s calling.
Love,
Marinka, TMH
9 Responses to “Hampers Are Our Friends”
Comment by Finn.
I say just pick them up and hide them somewhere. When he runs out of clothes, hand the whole damn pile to him.
And Coco, “for you”? Seriously? He doesn’t eat? Or use dishes?
[Reply]
Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.
When my husband left his stinky clothes on the floor, I put them outside and the dog peed on them.
He now uses the hamper.
[Reply]
Comment by Roshni.
…OR, you could write a blogpost about it, wait until there are enough comments and then send him the link!
My husband does not abandon his wet towel on the bed anymore!! 
[Reply]
Comment by maggie.
I periodically go on a “laundry strike”. I announce to the family that only clothes that are actually in the hamper will get washed. About a week goes by, people start needing clean underwear, and like magic the hamper becomes useful once again.
[Reply]
Comment by Aludra.
I had a similar problem with my husband about shutting the door to the office.
{I have a twin guest bed in there that I use for sleeping while he plays WoW, and also for watching TV while he plays WoW. The dog we’re sitting for my parents is DIRTY. (Not sure how she carries around so much dirt in her feet to leave in specific spots, but she does. LIke a cat with litter feet)
Anyways, the dog gets up there, and I have to wash the sheets immediately. It’s the suck.}
I put up a sign on the wall accross from the door that says “Close the Office Door, Thanks”. It works. I think a sign above the hamper (or wherever he’s facing when he discards his clothing) that says “Clothes go here now, thanks” would work, and probably not offend.
[Reply]
Comment by Drama Queen Jenner.
I vote you pick up the clothes, but instead of putting them in the hamper, just go ahead and put them right back in the drawer.
[Reply]
Comment by mimi.
Don’t wash his clothes if they arent made available to you via the hamper. If dirty clothes are in the hamper, clothes not in the hamper must be clean, therefore, not your problem. Give him fair warning the week before. Remind him once. Then leave it.
also, if he suddenly fills the hamper the day after laundry day? Too bad, he’ll have to wait until it’s next in your schedule.
If he won’t work with the system, he’ll just have to wash his own clothes.
[Reply]
Comment by Mad Jack.
Men don’t care about hampers. We leave our dirty clothes on the floor (or not) as we see fit. Putting clothes into the hamper has no relation at all to getting clean clothes in the closet. So here is what you do: Tell him to do you a big favor and put all his dirty clothes into the hamper, and do this all the time. Do not bother with the why or wherefore of this, just tell him you want him to do it. You’ll have to repeat this several times until it becomes a habit with him.
The trouble is you women go on and on about this and that without getting to the point. You hint, you suggest, you fume, you pout and rail like fishwives but you never once come right out and say what you want.
After this becomes a habit with him, reward him with hot morning sex, such as a good old morning blow job.
[Reply]
RSS Feed
Comment by Coco.
Wow. If it was bugging me that he didn’t use the hamper I would leave them there. Forever. When he ran out of clean clothes maybe he would pick them up.
Now if he does lots of things for you such as cook dinner and/or does the dishes then suck it up and pick up the clothes and toss them in the hamper yourself.
[Reply]