I Want to Have a Baby With a Mule
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I need your help. But before I go into details I must warn you that my husband is extremely stubborn, like a mule.
When we were dating, I made it clear I wanted three children. We now have two children together, and he has a son from a previous marriage, though we rarely see him. At 32, I was diagnosed with cancer and the treatments were likely to cause menopause. The doctor suggested harvesting eggs to use at a different time. My husband told the doctor that we should consider it but we opted not to since it would be time consuming and my cancer needed treatment quickly.
I’m in remission now and not in menopause, and I have a raging case of baby fever! My husband however does not. I have begged and bargained with him and he’s not budging. He says that he has three kids and that’s enough.
I brought up the mention of his interest in harvesting eggs, that I thought he wanted more children as well. He said he suggested it in case we ever divorce, then I could have children with a new husband. In fact, he said he does not want to stop my desires and would gladly let me divorce him to find a husband who would like to have children. What the heck!? I don’t want to have children with anyone but my husband. But the stubborn mule gig is getting old and his comments about divorce are really ticking me off. Mule is quickly turning into jack ass!
Any ideas how I can bring him around and get my way? I’m at that geriatric age when it comes to having babies, 35, so I’d like to do this sooner rather than later. Thanks!
Signed,
Raging Baby Fever and the Mule
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Dear Raging Baby/Mule,
You ask how you can bring him around and get your way. For a second there I thought the subject had changed to something trivial, like buying a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. But I see we are actually talking about getting your way over bringing a child into the world. Oy, it would be easier if you just wanted the shoes.
I’m not unsympathetic to your feelings, however. As I approached my mid-thirties, I had baby fever too. But after two kids, my husband was done. Done with a capital HELL TO THE NO. He scheduled himself a vasectomy and forced me to sign the consent form by torturing me with sleep deprivation.
Oh, wait. It was the baby that tortured me with sleep deprivation. So what, though, I feel you, sister. And I’m here to help. So I have compiled a list of strategies to help you get your way. What is the point of having another child if not to prove we can get our way?
#1 Find a baby and rub its scent on your husband. The smell of a pee, poop, and spit up will surely win him over.
#2 Slip on a sexy nightie, rub yourself with baby powder and then wake your husband up every two hours during the night. For weeks on end.
#3 Throw up on his shirt at least 4 times a day.
#4 Keep a tube of Preparation H on the bathroom vanity, right beside the industrial-size bottle of Tums.
#5 Soak your bra cups in water and then put on a T-shirt. The tell-tale wet circles will drive him mad with so much lust that he’ll lose his mind and agree to anything.
If none of the above works, there is one last trick you could use to get your way. It’s a very old trick. So old in fact, it’s listed right up there with the oldest profession.
You could always accidentally on purpose get pregnant.
If you decide to go that route, I suggest you visit this website for resources and advice, followed by a visit to this site.
Good luck,
Heather, TMH
11 Responses to “I Want to Have a Baby With a Mule”
Comment by OldLadyinaShoe.
Just think, if he doesn’t want the baby now, how would he be after the baby is born if he finally agrees? You won’t have any help at any point with this kid! And then you’ll have no right to bitch about feeling like a single mom because he didn’t want it in the first place!
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Comment by paige.
Boy sounds to me like hes ready to run, you may get your kid after all. If you dont stop thinking about what you want and more about why he keeps bring up The big D word.
Do what everyone else does get a baby fix. I know my cravings are cut by at least 80% after I have to take care of one for any length of time. Im done with shity diapers and constant crying for know f-ing reason.
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Comment by writingmama04.
Holy hot flash! What a dilemma! First, as one cancer survivor to another, you go girl! Cancer sux with a capital S – you might try to get your husband to give you a consolation baby by playing the cancer card one last time. On the other hand, I am one that is thankful today for the children I have – for the family we are together. That is easy for me to say, of course, I had had my four (DONE!) by the time I was diagnosed. My advice – give it time, don’t nag and invite all your friends over that have 3 kids to show your husband how easy it is to manage. What is supposed to be usually has a way of working itself out. Best wishes! Be strong!
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Comment by Lara.
I’m not sure you are any less a stubborn mule than he is.
I think you get to decide if you want to be married to him, or you want to have 3 kids. He’s making it clear that it’s that big a deal to him. He is done, and he’s allowed to be done. Fair? Maybe not, but life isn’t fair. And if he’s at his limit kid-wise, that’s where he is.
If my DH were pushing me for another kid, I’d kill him. We thought we wanted 4 – and stopped at 2. No one knows how many kids they can handle, until they hit that point, and if he’s done, you need to accept that.
And just to be clear: baby fever is NOT the same as wanting another child.
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Comment by Marinka.
The other day I asked my husband if he wanted another baby. He said “no”, even though I explained that it would be one of those supercute babies. He still said “no.” I tried to pleabargain to a crack baby, but he said that they don’t have those anymore.
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
Get a dog. A pug, preferably, because they look like ugly toddlers and may partially satisfy all involved.
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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
As a person who has 3 kids with a mule, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Ha, kidding. But my mule was happy to roll in the hay for that 3rd one. If he wasn’t, I’d be feeling pretty resentful of the cooking, cleaning, bathing, changing THAT NEVER ENDS.
Also, not to turn morose, but your husband might be fearful of cancer rearing its terrible head again and then having to give all the love and care you provide to your family by himself, and to one more kid.
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Comment by Mommyfriend Lori.
Ooo, tough one. On one hand I understand the desire, on the other hand I understand the major life change a new baby brings.
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Comment by Maybe a mule myself?.
Wow. Thanks for the input. Totally unprepared for all of the advice, though. I guess I see things differently, facing my immortality has taught me that life is short and we should really pursue our passions while we can as there are no guarantees for tomorrow. Being a mom is one of my passions.
I do understand about the fear of cancer returning. Fortunately I am at the stage of being cleared to pursue motherhood again by the doctors. It was a very aggressive form so the likelihood of return would happen quickly because of that…my time of remission is good. So there’s that.
Also one detail I forgot. Prior to the illness I was the breadwinner and worked so much-due to necessity while my husband pursued other desires. I missed out on so much with the babies as they grew. Now I’m home full time and my kids are older. I would love to just experience it all one more time to just relish every little bit of it.
Subsequently, we do have a pug and yes she is very fulfilling. Also our discussions regarding our differences are not taking place around our children. Tricking him into a pregnancy would be wrong, that I know. But was looking for help on how to fully express my desires. Life has sort of turned upside down in an instant and has left me a bit sad.
My desire to have another child is not just a stubborn desire or I would gladly take up the offer on divorce or pursue artificial insemination. Seems like the fact that I really desire to have children with my husband and not just have a child period counts for something doesn’t it?
The mention of divorce in his eyes is to not stand in the way of my happiness or so he says. We’ve had serious dicussions about the state of our marriage and he does not want a divorce. He tells and shows me daily that I am loved and I try to do the same.
Do I really come across THAT stubborn myself? Really?
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Comment by Desperate Dietwives.
When I was at University I used to say that I wanted at least 7 children and was always surprised to see boyfriends flee. After a while I
a) changed my mind about having 7 kids
b) stopped talking about having kids.
Gee, it worked!!!
As it happens, life went completely differently for me: I ended up a spinster with no kids and even though it was hard for me at times, I now know it was all for the best.
We always have dreams and make plans, but not all of them work quite the way we imagined. Better then to be happy with what we have got, than long for what we can’t have.
You already have 2 kids: make the most of this, give them all your love and care. If they hear you arguing with your mu… husband about having another kid, they might think they are not enough lovable for you. Take good care of them, cook them wholesome home-made food and give them all the love you would have given the third kid.
And try to be happy of your life the way it is.
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