There, No, Not There, Yeah, There, Yeah, Nope, a Little Lower
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
What is the best way to let a loving husband know that that thing he does to try to turn you on really just turns you off? He has good intentions, and I suspect that the fact that he was a man who loves breasts was really fine with me before I had children. But now, the only thing that I can manage to associate with that part of my body is months of growing discomfort during pregnancy, and many months of insistent infant demands causing the pain of mastitis, and the constant sense that here was a part of my body that was not my own any longer. Now, even though the infants are grown, I find I have an aversion to being messed with at all in that general area. I am so far from finding this to be foreplay that I can barely restrain myself from recoiling. I don’t think this is normal, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but honestly, if he would just touch me ANYWHERE else, things would be just hunky dory. Thanks for any help you can offer.
Signed,
The Woman Who Just Wants Her Body Back
________________________________________________________________
Dear Wants Her Body Back,
I have yet to meet a woman with kids whose favorite part of her body are her breasts. I would go into more detail about my own, but I am still single and being too descriptive of that part of my anatomy would likely go a long way in making sure I stayed that way. I will say, however, for months after I stopped breastfeeding, every time someone said the word “baby” I swear I could literally hear my nipples crying.
That being said, although you say your husband is a breast guy, I have to believe that as long as he has access to your bat girl cave, he’ll likely remain a very happy and satisfied man. The problem here is more about whether or not you are happy with you. I’m sure it meant a lot to you that you were able to provide this “service” to your kids but somewhere a long the line, things took a turn for the worse and suddenly what was good for the goose was very painful for the gander.
I think a good idea would be to set some time aside with your husband and tell him, “Listen, you know how every time we’re in bed together and you go to start fondling Sally and Maise (or whatever you call yours) and instead of moaning and saying dirty things to you, I turn on the light and start to make out a grocery list, well, there is a reason for that.” Instead of hurting his feelings, I would bet he’d be happy and relieved to know that your desire to keep your breasts off limits has nothing to do with his technique or him as a whole person.
Letting him in on your secret will go a long way on opening the door to allowing both of you to either spend time slowly exploring that particular territory again in a way that makes you not want to turn on the TV and insist on watching a rerun of the Poseidon Adventure or at the very least, it will put you both on the same page so that when the mood strikes again, your husband will know where he should keep his focus.
Good luck!
Love,
Jessica, TMH
3 Responses to “There, No, Not There, Yeah, There, Yeah, Nope, a Little Lower”
Comment by LISA5OF5.
Anytime my husband got near my boobs I remember thinking “Don’t touch those! They’re for the baby!” for a really long time even after I stopped nursing. I mean it made my blood boil instantly. I think the reason I got so mad is because when he touched me there it felt like just another demand and I’d be like, “What now?!” instead of feeling anything good. He might as well have asked me to get up and make him a PB&J for all the pleasure I got out of it. I explained all this to him. And then I explained it again. Then I realized he couldn’t understand the words coming out of my mouth because we were talking about BREASTS and he’s a guy and I just put a shirt on. Eventually (we are talking more than a year later) the off-limits sign came down and I lost the urge to punch him in the nose every time he touched the girls. Maybe you will too sometime or maybe not. In the meantime, buy a t-shirt with one of those international symbols for “bad idea” on it and wear it to bed.
[Reply]
Comment by Karin.
haha – I told my husband to think of my breasts as “working dogs” – they are lots of fun when they aren’t working but until they take their vest off (aka nursing bras hit the trash can), look but don’t touch.
[Reply]
RSS Feed
Comment by sheila.
Oh please, totally freaking normal to feel that way! I think they can look just peachy, and you could’ve loved the attention before, but it would still be perfectly normal for those previous ‘go’ gadgets to be a total turn off now when they are even grazed with any of your husbands anatomy! But Jessica is a smart woman: your husband probably will not get it on his own … mine didn’t (and he still forgets – old habits die hard).
[Reply]