The Fears of a Legal Guardian
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My stepbrother and his wife have asked my husband and me to serve as legal guardians for their two children (and another one is on the way) should they both meet an untimely demise. The question is, what is the protocol for communicating this to the other grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.? It is sure to raise some questions and hurt feelings (primarily the question of why they didn’t choose their biological siblings as guardians).
I can see why my stepbrother and sister-in-law would like to avoid the family drama, but selfishly, I’d prefer they’d clear the air on this one. I can only imagine the drama that would exist if this came forward after their tragic death. What do you think?
Signed,
Please Don’t Die and Leave Me with the Kids and the Family Drama
_________________________
Dear Please Don’t Die,
You know what I used to worry about? I used to worry that I would meet a handsome, wealthy Saudi prince at Starbucks and immediately we would fall desperately in love. He would propose, vowing to make me a princess for life, but alas, we would eventually be torn apart by our different cultures and families. And sadly, we would end up going our separate ways, denying me my rightful place as Saudi royalty.
Turns out I may have spent a little bit too much time worrying about this because the only guy I’ve ever met at Starbucks was an accountant from Jersey. So let me save you the trouble of worrying about things that, in all likelihood, will never happen. I’m pretty confident that your stepbrother and wife will be around for a good long time. If they were to bring up the guardian relationship now, it would just cause a lot of unnecessary upset. This is drama you want to avoid.
They obviously feel more comfortable with you than their biological siblings as their children’s guardians and you should be honored. Hopefully you will never have to take on this role. However, if it would make you feel better, maybe they could include a note in their will explaining their decision.
So let this go and get back to worrying about things that really matter. Like how we’re going to clean up this Gulf oil spill or how I’m going to suffer through the rest of my life without being a princess.
Good luck to you.
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
8 Responses to “The Fears of a Legal Guardian”
Comment by Cheryl.
Only thing I’d add, is that the parents’ choice is no one’s business and has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but them. I don’t believe it’s incumbent upon them to explain to anyone why they made the choice they did.
Please Don’t Die, you’re creating drama where none exists. Accept this honor and let it go. It ain’t about you. It’s about the welfare of the kids. Right?
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Comment by Momof4Luds.
Kelcey, you’re absolutely right. My husband and I each have 3 siblings and the discussion of who to ask delayed us writing our wills for YEARS. Finally we realized that we should pick the one we thought was most suitable, ask them, not mention anything to anyone else, and get on with it because the chance of it ever being an issue was so small. And now our baby is about to turn 13 and her 23 year old brother will do a fine job if that truck ever hits us.
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Comment by Marinka.
Personally, I think Hallmark should jump on this and design a card. Something along the lines of “Your brother and sister-in-law asked me to be their children’s guardian because they like me more than they like you, so there.”
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Comment by Marinka, TMH.
And also, all kidding aside, your stepbrother and his wife should make sure that their wishes are communicated in a legally enforceable manner. Because although The Mouthy Housewives will certainly vouch for you, it may not be sufficient in every jurisdiction.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
I spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about what my older sister would do if my parents died. She was the nuttier fruit on the family tree, and I dreaded the legal and family drama that would ensue. And she died first. I can’t believe I wasted so much emotional time and energy on something I couldn’t predict. Please don’t do that – it was stupid.
With that, please DO make sure your stepbrother puts it in writing. It would be awful for their children to be pawns in people’s grief.
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Comment by Lisa.
Isn’t this letter writer basically wanting the parents to endure DEFINITE drama with blood relatives that may very well affect the rest of their lives vs. them have to POSSIBLY deal with drama with people who are no relation to them?
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Comment by mom, again.
Tell them you won’t agree to it unless you see that they have put together a comprehensive legal plan that none of these potentially offended other relations can fight. Once that is done, nobody has to tell anybody else anything about it unless they actually do die.
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GrandeMocha Reply:
June 16th, 2010 at 9:55 am
It not that they like her better, they think she is a better person than the losers she is related too. “Your brother and sister-in-law asked me to be their children’s guardian because they think you are a dunken whore, so there.”
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