Selective Deafness Affects 5 out of 5 Children
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My children are wonderful in so many ways, but I’m having trouble getting them to listen. They are toddler and preschool age and I realize defiance is a normal phase all little ones go through, but I wonder if I should be taking this more seriously.
When they refuse to stay in the grocery cart and run in three different directions, I have no choice but to yell at them to get their attention. I know people think I’m either a “mean mommy” or a terribly ineffectual one. I’m tired of yelling and I assume my kids are too. I honestly think they tune me out since it seems like they don’t even hear me most of the time.
What do I do?
Sincerely,
“Hello…Is This Thing On?”
____________________________________________________________
Dear Is This Thing On,
I’m sorry, did you say something?
I kid, I kid. Let’s see if I can relate to your dilemma.
Your toddler refuses to follow you in the store after many “Come on, Johnny, let’s go” and you decide to play the “Mommy is going bye-bye now!” game in hopes he’ll come running back to you, wailing desperately the entire aisle because OH MY GOD, MOMMY IS LEAVING ME. But instead he starts running in the opposite direction with peals of demented toddler laughter because, really, it’s more like OH MY GOD, FREEDOM FROM THAT CONTROLLING WITCH EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO CALL ‘MOMMY’ BUT I’M NOT BUYING IT WITHOUT A DNA TEST!
Is that the kind of defiance we’re talking about? Great! I can totally relate.
My children are now 6 and 8 so you would think I’d be able to suggest ways to handle the grueling task of shopping with preschoolers. To tell the truth though, those years are a blur of vodka, tears and clumps of my hair I pulled out.
When shopping with little ones, every aisle is like a road to perdition, one all mothers must endure. I’m pretty sure it was all part of Eve’s package-deal punishment for picking apples. My advice to you is to call upon a higher power and recite this prayer before going into the store.
God,
Grant me the
Serenity to accept the heathens I birthed
Courage to poke out the stink eyes I get from strangers
and the Wisdom to know the best cheap wine.
The minute you start taking motherhood more seriously is the minute you might as well sell your sanity to the lowest bidder, who, if you haven’t noticed, will pay you in Cheerios.
Heather, TMH
7 Responses to “Selective Deafness Affects 5 out of 5 Children”
Comment by Sophie, Inzaburbs.
I keep my children quiet through the produce with the promise of a muffin, which keeps them quiet through the meat, dairy and liquid aisles. Then we move onto the “you can look at toys if you are good” aisles. After the toys, my 2 year old is the one running loose around the store while the others provide the not always pleasant soundtrack.
If anybody raises their eyebrows, I give them a pleasant “hello” in my hoity-toity British accent and that usually scares them away.
As far as making them listen? Good luck with that.
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Comment by The Laughing Idiot.
I have a three year old red-head with the stereotypical temperment to match.
She just never seems to take me seriously either. When shopping, if she isn’t listening she has to sit in the “baby” seat. I don’t care how big she is, I strap her in.
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Comment by MommyTime.
My children are the same ages as yours, and they seem to share the ears yours have. I have threatened to leave stores, the pool, etc., when that kind of not-listening happens — AND I FOLLOW THROUGH. I don’t make the threat if I can’t follow through (i.e. if we must finish the shopping trip), but I have found that having twice followed through on leaving, even though it was somewhat inconvenient to me, has helped impress upon them that good behavior is essential.
Not that they actually behave.
But they know they are expected to, and sometimes that helps. Good luck. Sending solidarity.
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Comment by the mama bird diaries.
Brilliant answer.
I always promise my kids a treat if they can behave. But mostly i try to go to the grocery store without them.
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Comment by Coco.
While I know it is not always possible to leave the kids with a sitter I found that to be my salvation. It was impossible for me to shop with my kids. I would be totally worn out trying to keep up with the oldest because she was a daredevil and knew no fear.
I found that I got my shopping done a lot faster and was a lot less stressed out. It was so worth the money. Maybe you could check your local churches for a Mommy’s Day Out. This could be the perfect time for you to shop and have a little me time as well.
Good luck.
Coco
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Comment by Steph.
Love your answer, Heather. I also agree with mommytime. Once when my preschool child was throwing her usual fit in the grocery, I picked her up and left behind the cart full of groceries and some treat that she wanted. She COULD NOT believe it and the threat of leaving after that usually worked. But every child is different . . . .
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Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.
I totally let my 2 year old poke holes in the peaches at the grocery store. Just not the peaches I am buying.
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