Baby Tawk Baby Tawk
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 7 year old daughter insists on talking in a high, squeaky, cutesy baby voice. It’s driving me insane. She didn’t talk like that when she was a baby, so I can’t figure out why she’s doing it now. Her older sister went through a similar stage at age four, but it ended in a matter of weeks. Not so for this daughter. I’ve tried all the things that worked with Daughter #1 – ignoring her until she spoke in a normal voice and making her repeat herself every time she uses the baby voice – but they just aren’t working.
Any suggestions? I’m at my wit’s end with the cutesy stuff.
Signed,
Cut Out the Cute Crap
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Dear Cut Out the Cute Crap,
Your question reminds me of why it’s sometimes better to have boys than girls. I mean, the only “cute” things my sons say usually include the terms “nut,” “sack,” and “You’d better duck, Mommy because here comes my awesome buttocks ray gun. Powwww!” (Yes, clearly I have my own issues that should probably be addressed before the state steps in.)
However, I question why you even want your daughter to stop talking like a cutesy baby. After all, this is America where sounding like you’re not very smart or mature is a clear cut path to fame and fortune. Or maybe you’ve never heard of Anna Nicole Smith, Marilyn Monroe and Melanie Griffith? Or Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Or Clay Aiken? (Scratch that last one. I don’t want to get the Claymates mad at me again. Those ladies are vicious.)
Anyway, my point is that if any of those women had voices like Rosie O’Donnell after three shots of whiskey and a hard pack of Salem Lights, they’d never have gotten rich, right? So what’s the problem here? Is it that you have to live with this 7-year-old girl for the next 11 years without going insane? Is that it?
Then maybe the next time she uses the baby voice, you should:
1. Give her a time out
2. Cut off her favorite doll’s head
3. Respond to her in your own cutesy baby voice (which your husband may ask you to do later)
4. Scream, “Here comes my awesome buttocks ray gun! Powwww!”
5. Cry
So my suggestion is to just pick one of those and see what happens, Cutesy. And if none of them work, well, I guess the only thing left for me to say is, “Sowwy! I weally twied! Hee, hee, hee! Giggle!”
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
9 Responses to “Baby Tawk Baby Tawk”
Comment by dusty earth mother.
I have nothing constructive to say except, Wendi, you are hilarious.
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Comment by OldLadyinaShoe.
Easy, let her be a baby if she wants to, but take it a step further and take away all her big girl priveleges. She wants to watch a tv show or play on the computer? Sorry, babies can’t do that. She wants to pick her own clothes? Sorry, Mommies pick out clothes for babbies. She’ll catch on pretty quickly that it’s no fun to be a baby.
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Comment by Bonnie Wienke.
“When you decide to talk like a big girl then I will treat you like a big girl”. That should be your new mantra! I agree with all the no television, pc privileges, early bed time suggestions. And when you keep telling her the above mantra use a very sympathetic tone of voice because it is soooo sad when big girls choose to baby talk.
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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.
Ship her to Japan. She’ll be an instant mega celebrity and earn you millions (of yen). Eventually she’ll get sick of being the tall white Harajuku girl and will beg – in either adult English or perfect Japanese – to come home and act her age.
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Comment by Seana.
OMG, please use number 4! Can you imagine the look on your little girl’s face if you did? Hilarious! (Or you could just go with the “babies don’t get big girl privileges” thing, which will totally work, but 4 is WAY funnier).
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Comment by Karen at French Skinny.
You must break her of this habit before she turns into this girl “Susie” I knew in the first grade. She talked baby talk and brought a pillow to sit on because she had a bubble butt (according to her)…..whatever.
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Plano Mom Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Yep, that’s what worked for us, now we deal with “nut” “sack” and “balls”
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Plano Mom Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
And did you now that ICE CREAM is bad for babies?
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