Lenders Weepers
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Every time my 5-year-old and I go to my neighbor’s house, she takes something that belongs to her friend home with her. She’s technically not stealing because the child gives it to her, but the mother is usually not happy because she knows that an hour later her kid will freak out when she realizes the item is gone and not “returnable.” Until at least the next day, which to a 5-year-old, seems like eternity. How should I handle this?
Signed,
She Ain’t a Thief, She’s My Baby
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Dear My Baby,
Wait. Your 5-year-old visits a friend and leaves with something? She’s not Stuff Lover’s sister-in-law, is she? Because a good playdate rule is that everyone leaves with what they brought to the table. Nothing more, nothing less. Sort of like a marriage of convenience without the awkward gossip.
I recommend dissuading your child from borrowing or taking anything, even if it is offered. These kind of exchanges rarely end well. Feelings are hurt, boundaries of stuff possession blurred and it’s more of a headache for the parents than it’s worth. Tell her that the rule is that she can play with the toys there, but they are not to come home with you. You know, because of bed bugs. Or ticks. Pick a pestilence and work it.
If the children insist that something must be lent/borrowed, it must be cleared with each side’s parent or guardian. And perhaps a legal team. Because that adult is the one who’s going to have to deal with the fallout when the kid realizes that she gave the piece of crap away and it’s now not with her. Adults understand such concepts, kids—not so much.
If your daughter’s playmate presses something and insists that your kid take it and the mother is cool with it, then I suggest that it’s tough nuggies on everyone involved if there is subsequent regret.
And if the situation is ever reversed, and the neighbor-friend borrows something from your daughter, make sure she leaves a modest deposit. Fully refunded upon return, of course.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
Comment by Pritiwoman.
Great advice. And starting young will help in adulthood so that children learn that friends don’t lend friends books…they never come back. I like the idea of picking a pestilence and working with it…brilliant!
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