Comment by Teresa.

You know your son best, so just talk to him in terms you know he will get. There are lots of good books that can help.

My granddaughter is 7 and a few weeks ago asked me when I got my boobs. I was 10, she commented that good, maybe she would get her boobs and 10, then we talked about why and when you get boobies and she said that her mom bleeds every month and gets grouchy, so we talked in very simple terms about periods and why you have them, we didn’t get into the “sex” talk yet, just if you aren’t married and your body isn’t pregnant how and why you have periods, moods etc.

Who would have thought she already picked up on periods from observing her mom. They seem to pick up on more than we know.

I remember talking with her dad around 10 and showing him a book, at 13 I gave him condoms, and we had a talk about what they were for. I told him I felt he wasn’t going to be ready to have sex, until married or at least much older, but if something happened that he needed to use the condom, because you can get a disease that will kill you. (this was when HIV/AIDS was in the news everyday and things were starting to change)

That may sound shocking, but I knew my son and I knew what would make an impression on him and how to talk to him. And as far as I know, he has never had VD and had no babies out of wedlock.

Use your gut and talk to him…you will know what to say. Trust yourself

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Comment by hokgardner.

We’ve had multiple conversations with our older girls about where babies come from. I’ve felt squeamish and squicky about it, but I kept in mind our preschool director’s advice. She told me to only answer questions that they ask and talk about it in a very matter-of-fact way. We got the girls a good book that dealt with the mechanics of it all, and then answered their questions as they came up.

When my oldest said that sex sounded icky, I told her that it was because she was 9 and it was supposed to be icky, but that when she got older, her opinion would change.

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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

Oh my god, I really MUST carve out more time for that time-freezing machine I am working on.

I am so going to be that mother who shoots any teenager who wants to do the budonkadonk with my kids.

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Comment by Cheryl.

I love the comments about trusting your gut. I disagree completely about waiting until asked. My own mother followed Dr. Spock’s advice to wait. I never asked about periods or pregnancy. I was that kid that never asked for help.

Nothing good came from this. No, I didn’t get pregnant. I just developed my own sense of shame about sex because I didn’t understand that the feelings I was having were normal.

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Comment by LadySteele.

I agree with Miss Jen – your kid knows more than you think he knows. My six year old happened to see a commercial recently where a guy dropped trou and ended up on top of his friend with benefits. LittleG said, “Mom, is that sex?” When I told her yes, she said, “Oh gross! Mom, do you and Dad have sex?” This, at 6!

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Comment by GrandeMocha.

My son wanted to know how babies got in their mommies tummies at 6. We got the Dr. Ruth book for kids and read it together. My husband was mortified.

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Comment by Finn.

As soon as my son learned to read, I bought him “Where Did I Come From?” and had him read it. Then I read it to him a few times before bed. He would ask a question here or there, but it was no big deal. He is absolutely clear on where babies come from. And absolutely certain that he will never have sex.

My work is done.

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Comment by Nanette @ SmilingMom.

Now Heather, I’ve been reading your blog for far too many years to wholeheartedly believe that you would blush at this conversation! With conviction and grace, you’ve taken on the public school system, medical doctors, and just about anything that comes into your path.

I’d suggest pouring yourself (and possibly your son) a drink, and present the most logical and scientific explanation you can. If you are lucky (ha!) maybe your son won’t make the at home connection in your presence.

Cannot wait to hear how this goes!…. At minimum, it will be great blog fodder!

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Comment by Deb Rox.

My two teen boys will tell you we’ve had many a convo, each year adding a bit more info to it. I’ve found one trick that works great for talking to kids about a lot of topics. Introduce the content in the car. Everyone is looking straight ahead, so no awkward eye contact, and it feels like an enclosed safe space. Let their questions guide the discussion so you know how much or little to say. you’ll be surprised as how much they will open up on a car ride–it’s like a therapist’s couch. Then, click on the radio and blast it for a bit to recover. Or hit your own therapist’s couch, that’s a good plan too.

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Comment by Plano Mom.

Yep. Best place is in the car. Both kids, oldest when she was 6, youngest not until 9. They asked me in the car. We had never hidden or whispered about it, but of course didn’t really discuss it. So it was out there for them to ask and be curious.

I told each the same thing – the mechanics of it first, in as clinical language as possible. Then I said that it felt very good, when it was done right. That when it wasn’t done in love, in a committed relationship with someone you trust very much, then the emotional cost to your self esteem isn’t worth it. But oh boy, when it’s right, and with someone you love and trust – like your SPOUSE, man it’s great.

So far the oldest is 18 and is still waiting for someone like Daddy. The youngest thought about it for about 2 seconds, went “Ew” and asked if he could have a new video game.

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Comment by Plano Mom.

Oh and Dad? They never asked when he was around, and he was fine with it. Said he’ll do the other jobs like how to change a tire and check your oil.

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Comment by HellTygr.

I have to agree with the “don’t wait” crowd. Sharing the family legend story, my grandmother was afraid to have ‘the talk’ with my mom… Mom was 12 when one day she came home one summer afternoon with blood on her leg from inside her shorts. Dear grandmother realized she’d never said anything about bleeding from “down there” and hustled my mom into the bathroom babbling incoherently about “this magical time of turning into a woman” “don’t be scared” and something about babies, all while handing my mom various implements to line her panties with.

This totally scared and confused my mom, who wondered how cutting your thigh on a tree branch could make it so you got pregnant someday.

So, while your son probably won’t ever get pregnant from a tree branch, don’t wait.

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Comment by MommyTime.

I just had a conversation with my sister about the conversation she just had with her 8 yr old daughter. Sis does a lot of research about everything. Best take-away point for me was a firm conviction that there is not THE conversation. There is the first of a series. That is: a 8, the girl was mostly interested in the science of it all, had already studied the life cycle in school and had some sense of how eggs become chicks, etc. So this conversation was largely about the biology. This particular 8 yr old is pretty emotionally young, so the question of precisely HOW the sperm gets to the egg was left a bit vague (she has no brothers, has never seen even a baby boy na.ked, etc). My sis found that the more they talked, the more it was clear that the questions her daughter had been asking were not really about the emotions of s3x but were about the process of making babies. She figures in another couple of years, there will be another conversation about the boy+girl part, and later even than that, another one about the power to say no, the emotional meaning, etc. I very much liked this approach because, quite honestly, though my 6 yr old has been asking “but how does the baby get IN?” I wasn’t really ready to go through the whole, “well the daddy puts his p3n!s there…” with a kindergartner.

Good luck!

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Comment by kitty.

I think the “where did I come from” book approach works quite well, and sitting down to read it with them is always good incase they have any questions.

For me I knew exactly how it worked from quite a young age as I was obsessed with animals. I also had the discovery channel on cable so budda-bing-budda-boom I knew about reproduction. Nothing educates like watching nature at work, since the reality is that reproduction is the main drive for most species on earth and as such you can be guaranteed that almost every nature documentary will touch on the subject.

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