Now I Lay You Down to Sleep. Sleep, Already!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 3 year-old is Satan. A really cute Satan. She is a nightmare at bedtime, wanting a million songs and going to the bathroom a million times more. She wakes up a million times a night and wants to be tucked back in. I’ve tried offering her a new toy if she sleeps through the night. I’ve tried reprimanding her. I’ve tried kindness and compassion. Nothing works. How do I get my kid to go to bed and stay asleep?
Signed,
Exhausted
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Dear Exhausted,
Every mother thinks that her child is adorable, so I don’t suppose that I can fault you for finding charm in your LuciferAnn. But if you want to get some sleep, you’ve got to put away those bribes and threats. It didn’t work in The Exorcist and it’s not going to work for you now.
If we could talk, threaten, cajole or bribe our kids into sleep, most two-year-olds would have iPhones and drive Jaguars. What you need to do is help your daughter learn to put herself to sleep on her own.
Now, if you’re like me, you‘re thinking “Don’t kids know how to do this naturally? I don’t remember anyone ever teaching me how to sleep!” The answer is, who the hell knows? When we were kids, seatbelts hadn’t been invented yet, we snacked on paint chips and doctors recommended cigarettes to soothe parental nerves. It’s every generation for themselves, so it’s up to us to teach our offspring the art of falling asleep.
Personally, when my kids were younger, I found Richard Ferber’s technique extremely helpful. There are websites that discuss the technique, but for best results, I recommend investing in his book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.
Yes, it does involve some “crying it out,” but it is controlled. It tells you how to let your child know that when it’s bedtime, you will not engage with her. If she gets up, you will lead her back to her room. You will not joke with her, threaten her, plead with her or ask her to fetch an olive for your martini. If she cries, you will check in on her at designated intervals.
From my experience, the first night is Not Pleasant. I improved on it by watching The Golden Girls reruns while my Husband, book in hand, Ferberized our daughter. It got progressively easier after that.
If Ferber’s method doesn’t mesh with you, keep looking for one that does. But no matter how much we love our children, we can’t sleep for them. They have to learn to do that on their own.
Yours in Slumber,
Marinka
7 Responses to “Now I Lay You Down to Sleep. Sleep, Already!”
Comment by Shell.
Sleep- I’m in favor of tossing the kids in bed, blowing them a kiss from the door, and then pulling the door shut- with a childproof doorknob cover on their side of the door. Goodnight!
Okay, maybe there’s slightly more to it…but not much. I value my sleep.
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Comment by Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club.
I’m with Shell. If they can’t get out then the problem is solved.
Also, when they are a bit older they are easier to coerce. We did this thing where you explain that you have given them all kinds of bedtime privileges, i.e. their nightlight, their soft blankets, their stuffed animals, their stories, etc. If they do not sleep, they lose their privileges. Take away the privileges and they will stay put pretty quickly.
We’ve only made it all the way down to the blankets once. 
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Comment by Muirgen.
I found it helpful to sit across the doorway with a book. I don’t look at or talk to them, but they stay in bed and quiet. If they get up, etc, I put them back in bed. The first night I was there 90 minutes; the second 30; the third 15; the fourth 3. They didn’t cry, because I was there.
Marc Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” – he’s a sleep disorder doc for kids – was also helpful.
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Comment by Karin.
You need a routine. w/o a routine, my kids are the devil too especially my almost 3 year old. Anyway, the way we solved the get up in the middle of the night problem was to make a little bed on our floor – not a particularly comfortable one but better than just the floor. Our 3 year old can come into our room, tell us he’s awake, get a hug and put his royal hynie in the dang bed! Our oldest needed this and our youngest needs this but our middle never had any sleep problems – if only they could all be like that!
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Comment by MommyTime.
The doornob cover on the inside of the door is the only thing that finally worked for me to keep my toddler from popping out of ed 1 zillion times per night. That and the boring repetion of a single sentence (“It’s time for sleeping, I love you”) while putting him back in his bed. The first night, we did that 27 times. He was very frustrated. But it only took a few nights of that to get him to stay. Then the deal was: if you stay in your bed, the door can stay open; if you come out even once, we close it (with the door nob cover on the inside so he couldn’t open it). It was hell. But it was worth it. He sleeps like a dream now. Good luck! I have much sympathy for your torture.
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Comment by Momof4Luds.
4 kids later, I swear by Ferber. Of course, 15 years from now you’ll be trying to figure out how to get them OUT of bed at a decent hour!
BTW, if anyone watches the hilarious “Modern Family”, Ferberizing figured heavily in last night’s show.
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lala Reply:
January 5th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Amen! My future children (don’t have nay yet) don’t have a snowball’s chance in Heck of keeping me up and playing bedtime “I need water” and “tuck me in” games til 1am.
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