My Sister is a Bitch, Can We Still Be Friends?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My sister thinks I’m a terrible mom and blames me for my divorce. She won’t speak to me as a result. I miss the “nice” her and want us to have a relationship, but I won’t get back together with my ex to make her happy and since I already had my kid , there is nothing I can do about it. Should I try to make it work anyway?
Signed,
Are We Really Related?
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Dear Really Related,
I am an only child and therefore decided to turn to my mother for wisdom on this one. Because, see, she has a sister and under the laws of parenting, this makes her an expert. Mama says:
“Yes, of course. Try to have relationship with your sister. Your sister is like your conscience. If you cut off a relationship with your sister, it will cut off some soul opening experiences.”
Now you know why mama is not a Mouthy Housewife. I have a slightly different take. First, my general rule is that if someone says “you are a terrible mother” to your face, they are clearly insane and should be shunned and mocked. Behind their backs, of course. Further, I assume that before you got divorced, you tried your best to make your marriage work, for your sister’s sake. Now that you are divorced, that topic is closed for discussion.
Tell your sister that you will not discuss your divorce with her and that if she wants to have a cordial relationship with you, she has to steer clear of that subject. Also tell her that you will accept an apology regarding the “terrible mother” comment, but she has to be convincing with the remorse. If she is unable or unwilling to change her ways, I say screw her. But from afar, because insane people can be unpredictable.
xo,
Marinka, TMH
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8 Responses to “My Sister is a Bitch, Can We Still Be Friends?”
Comment by Heather.
I also believe that an extravagant gift, in addition to an apology, is in order for any and all “terrible mother” related comments.
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Comment by LISA5OF5.
The one question you should ask yourself is: if this person was not my sister, would I want to have a relationship with her? Is this a healthy relationship that helps me to become a better person? Or am I just a built in punching bag for someone who feels like shit about their own life and therefore uses criticizing me to make themselves feel better? Okay, that’s three questions, but you get the idea. Your sister should be your friend. Is she?
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Comment by janine.
Hey Really,
I come from and extremely blended family. Like “Holidays brought to you by Cuisinart” kind of blended and I have learned some important things that have helped us avoid bloodshed: 1)family is about effort, not genetics. Sometimes the people we share noses with are the LEAST healthy people for us to be around; be they parents, siblings, grandparents, or whomever. As an adult, you have the option of choosing whether or not to continue negotiating those relationships–Lisa5of5 is completely right. Coming from the same womb entitles her to borrow your lip gloss, not criticize your parenting. You obviously made the decision to end your marriage, maybe it’s time to divorce your sister too. 2) Having said that, the mantra in our family is: “Reality has NO bearing on this situation.” However your sister sees your life has no bearing on what is ACTUALLY happening. Her comments may honestly be based in some whacked-out desire to help you–believe it or not. Her perception is reality to her, as much as your perception is reality to you. But they may be different realities. If you decide to work things out with her, try to understand her motives in addition to her actions. You may have more common ground than you think. 3) Therapy: it’s not just for breakfast anymore! Other than the obvious financial restrictions, there is no reason NOT to try family therapy. If your plumbing was busted, you’d call a plumber, you wouldn’t just live with sewage backing up in yout basement. Your relationship is broken,call a professional and see how you can fix it.
Good luck.
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Comment by Muirgen.
That kind of reaction always makes me wonder what’s going on in HER life. I suspect it’s more about her than you, since I firmly believe that reality has no bearing on most people’s perceptions.
Seriously. Unless your child is being abused or neglected, she is way outta line.
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Comment by Heather.
You know what goes good with an apology? Peace-offering gifts. Like, the sister should offer a fifth of expensive vodka as a peace offering with a note saying, “sorry I’m ass, I hope this makes up for it!”
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Comment by kmdguerra.
Family certainly has a way of putting the “fun” into dysfunctional! My mama always used to say blood was thicker than water, but that’s a bitter drink to swallow. I question why the sister is so concerned with her sister’s divorce; she wasn’t married to the husband, so how could she know what’s it like? And since when did women have to make their marriages work to make their siblings and parents happy too? Sistah is out of line and needs to get over it!
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Comment by The Good Cook.
Why did she call you a terrible parent? Was it because she caught you smoking crack? I mean – does she have a reason or a specific episode of terrible parenting? If not, she is WAY out of line.. just wondering…
So far as the divorce – that is NONE of her business. No one knows what goes on inside a marriage but the two people who are in it.
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Comment by redgirl.
extremely acceptable answer.
well done!
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