Rub a dub dub, Lady, GET OUT OF THE TUB!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a neighbor, who, owns a lovely INFLATABLE hot tub. With jets. (Think…blown up balloon being held under running water. LOUD.) She uses this amazingly special one of a kind item only between the hours of 1:30 and 4. This would be okay, if it wasn’t A.M. I was talking about!!! Short of popping it with a pin while she’s not home, or installing a flood light to shoo her away, I’m not sure what to do. Advice?
Not So Hot Tub
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Dear Not So Hot Tub,
Anyone who waits until the middle of the night to sit in their blow-up hot tub is either crying out for attention or a vampire. Now, I’m going to guess that you are more than a hop, skip and a jump away from the lovely town of Transylvania and therefore, I think we need to focus on her clear need to be noticed. That being said, I’m also going to go out on a limb and guess that this gal spends her time soaking in the nude, which means if she is over the age of forty, as I just so happen to be, her breasts have taken up residence much closer to her personal equator and the zoo keeps calling to tell her the elephants want their knees back.
Therefore, you might want to go ahead and purchase that floodlight and while you’re at it, some camouflage gear, a camera and a national marketing campaign. Then the next time you hear what sounds like rocks being tossed against a cement wall, all you have to do is jump out of the bushes, (thus setting the light to “ON”) snap your photos and then run on home to start downloading. When she starts to get emails from all her old boyfriends asking her, “What happened? Are you okay?” you’ll sleep through the night from then until forever, more than likely because she’s decided to move and take her “act” on the road.
Then again if ambushing isn’t your style or it seems like a too much energy to expend at that hour of the night, I would try and plead with her to have mercy on your sanity and stop. If she rents, have a little chat with her landlord and see if there is something he could do about her, as well as the twenty dollar bill that’s just so happens to be burning a hole in your pocket right at that very same minute.
Otherwise, I’m sorry to tell you, you’re out of luck, according to what the police told me,because unless she’s got loud music blasting along with those water jets, there is nothing they can do to help you, either.
Glad I Could Help,
Jessica, TMH
6 Responses to “Rub a dub dub, Lady, GET OUT OF THE TUB!”
Comment by Inna.
$20? I’d say bribe the guy with a hundred…
Oh, and I like the ambush idea. Let me know if you need to borrow my camouflage gear!
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Comment by Rick's Cafe.
Too bad the family who had the obnioxus son was run out-of-town (the boy who was teaching all the other kids how to fart), he had a B-B gun. A short conversation of how much fun you had as a child, popping ballons with a b-b gun – held with-in earshot of the snot would have been all that’s needed. And impossible to trace back to you.
Since that option’s gone. You could always tell that guy who’s been stalking you that you finally want to meet him, late at night…and then give him the hot-tub’s address.
A girl’s got to use all of her assets!
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Comment by Dejoni.
I’m thinking you should go over and piss in said hot tub in plain view of said neighbor…but I’m kinda redneck like that.
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Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.
Maybe she doesn’t realize how very loud it is? Leave her an anonymous note.
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Comment by wa.
Might I also suggest investing in a dart gun?
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