Turn Your Kid from a Home Wrecker to a Help
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My daughter is six and does absolutely nothing around the house. What is a reasonable chore for her? And at what age should chores start?
Signed,
I’ve Given Birth to a Freeloader
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Dear I’ve Given Birth to a Freeloader,
I know you submitted this question a few weeks ago and I’m sorry that I’m just answering it now. I was busy supervising my 3 month-old twins as they paint the trim on the deck. I believe in starting chores as early as possible. All the better when they are too young to complain about it.
I think some us have a tendency to become personal assistants to our young children. We scurry around preparing snacks, picking laundry up off the floor and wiping their faces. They sit there on their royal behinds practically shouting out demands with a weak “please” sometimes thrown in.
Well ladies, it’s time to take back our self-respect. In my opinion, 6 year-olds should certainly be bringing their plates to the sink after each meal, putting their laundry in the hamper and cleaning up their toys. When my kids (ages 3 and almost 6) show a serious lack of interest in cleaning up their playroom (even with my help), I tell them that anything left out will be tossed in the trash. Kind of puts a fire under those royal tushes. And honestly, I’d be thrilled to throw away some of the crap, so it certainly is not an empty threat.
There’s also no reason why you can’t have your 6 year-old start some regular chores in exchange for a small allowance. Putting out the napkins and silverware for dinner each night? Maybe cleaning fingerprints off some of the windows? Making his or her bed? That sort of thing.
Just make sure you consistently require them to do it. It’s important to get started when kids are young (age 3 is not too early) because at that age, they actually like to help. You want to establish good habits for when they no longer think “helping mommy” is super cool.
Of course, you’ll always be cool to me.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
A woman in our office who is pretty high on the food chain has recently begun taking the antidepressant Lexapro. She’s always been a little moody, and I’m happy to report that the bad moods are now gone, ONLY TO BE REPLACED BY EXTRA SPECIAL HAPPY MOODS. All the damn time. She’s a manager and should know better, but she now squeals like a girl at the slightest provocation and acts like a six year old after a day of slurpees, ding dongs, and ring pops.
I care about this woman and can see clearly that she’s damaging her credibility by acting like a manic grade-schooler. Is there a way to tactfully remind her to act her age? If not, can I switch her Lexapro to something less offensive, like maybe Xanax??
Signed,
Liked Her Better When She Cried
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Dear Liked Her Better When She Cried,
Before I begin to answer your question, I must first disclose that I personally don’t have any experience with the use of antidepressants. This is simply because I’m high on LIFE, baby! LIFE! (Well, life and the open printer cartridge I sniff like an unstable Doberman whenever I get upset. Lexmark Black Ink #1, I can’t quit you!)
Anyway, I point that out because while there are certainly psychological changes going on that I can’t begin to understand, I also believe the problem with Missus Happy Pants may not be due to her medication; rather, it’s due to other people’s reaction to her new personality.
For whatever reason, most workers seem to deal better with bosses who are assholes than ones who are fun and happy and wear pink cat sweatshirts. Maybe this is because it’s easier to respect someone who acts all serious and stern than someone who tells fart jokes and giggles. Don Draper vs. Don Knotts, if you will.
I say as long as she’s still performing her duties and has a handle on managing everyone, don’t bring up the medication issue with her at all. It’s just going to do is get her upset (if that’s even possible), plus she may think you don’t care about her new found happiness. Chances are that if there really is a problem, her family and close friends will advise her to go see her doctor for a medication adjustment. (Or sign her up to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.)
Therefore, my advice is to just lay low and try to enjoy Little Mary Sunshine. Because given the choice, it’s always better to work with someone who acts likes a Slurpee than someone who acts like a jackass.
Sincerely,
Wendi, TMH
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She’s Leaving! For Kindergarten!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My daughter is starting kindergarten in two weeks and I’m a nervous wreck. I thought I’d be okay with her being gone all day, but I’m feeling really sad that my little girl is leaving me. Is this weird? Shouldn’t this just happen when they go to college?
Signed,
Kinder Kim
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Dear Kim,
Oh, don’t get me started. Wait—too late. Because the other day when I was watching a sappy commercial about some kid starting 1st grade, suddenly I was sobbing into my gin and tonic. And not just because it was light on the gin. No, I got teary eyed because I realized that my children would never again be in 1st grade, that their babyhood was over forever.
So based on my own experience, as confirmed by the flurry of responses I received from my fellow moms replying to my mass email that asked if “anyone else feels sad that their kids aren’t babies anymore?”, you are perfectly normal. Parents mourn the passing of every stage of their children’s lives (with the possible exception of the Horrific Threes, whose passing they cheer with cocktails and pinatas).
But although it’s normal, it’s also temporary. Because the initial pangs of “My baby!” will soon be replaced with “Why is my baby bringing endless arty crap home from school?” and “ANOTHER lice outbreak in my baby’s class?!” And if you decide that you want to be immersed in your daughter’s school life, there will be plenty of volunteer PTO opportunities. (But tread lightly with those.)
Also, as your daughter makes new friends, you will too. My children’s friends’ mothers are some of my closest friends now. Which is fantastic when school is closed on a snow day and I need to unload my precious angels somewhere.
So go easy on yourself and feel okay about feeling sad. And don’t worry, college will bring its own sadness. You’ll know it when you see it; it’ll have the Bursar’s Office on the return address.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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Smoothies!
As you know, two weeks ago, Mouthy Housewives Kelcey, Marinka and Wendi were at BlogHer. But just because they were relaxing and partying at BlogHer, doesn’t mean that they left their culinary skills behind. Take a look!
And please check out the 8th Continent Soymilk Nice Job, Mom contest here. Look through the entries of the very relatable parenting mishaps, and submit your own! You could win a room makeover! Or a fancy trip! What’s not to love?
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Help, My Daughter is Freakishly Hairy!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My ten-year-old daughter is tall and gorgeous with lovely olive skin and glowing green eyes. She’s also freakishly hairy. There is hair e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Her armpits, her legs, her fou-fou girly bits. Everywhere. What’s the best way to napalm this hair situation without making her feel self-conscious about it? I also don’t want to have to shave her daily to keep it at bay. But I can’t get an arm wax for my ten year old for goodness sake. Help!
Signed,
The Mother of Sasquatch
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Dear Mother of Sasquatch,
Hello, long lost relative! I’m so excited to find you! I, too, am tall, gorgeous with lovely olive skin and glowing green eyes. Did I also mention that I have black hair? I do, a LOT of it. Lots and lots of extra thick, curly, black hair.
I’ve been this way since the tender age of ten, just like your daughter. Wait, let me take that back. I was actually born hairy and my mother loves to regale people with the story of my hairy baby back. (That’s okay, when she’s old and decrepit, I’ll enjoy regaling everyone with the stories of playing hide-and-seek with her dentures.)
It was around age 10 that I became self-conscious of my Sasquatch heritage. Fourth grade turdhead boys began teasing me over my hairy arms and legs. It was horrible because I was just coming to an age where I began to care what boys thought, and there they were, making fun of something I couldn’t control.
In a torrent of tears, I begged my mother to allow me to shave, but she was torn. Fourth grade seemed awfully young to begin shaving and she said we couldn’t afford a new weed whacker. I persisted! I really wanted Ricky to be my boyfriend and no one, not even a cute boy with white trash parents, was going to ask a Planet of the Apes reject to be their girlfriend.
My mother relented and I am so glad she did. If your daughter is bothered by her hairiness, I suggest you do the same. And none of this “shave her daily” talk, as if you would do it for her. While I know teenage GPS implantations are just around the helicopter parenting corner, some of us parents have to keep the sanity for the rest of society. Instruct your daughter in the womanly art of shaving and, if she’s as motivated as I was at that age, she’ll be shaving independently in no time.
Signed,
Heather, TMH
