No Photos of the Baby, Please
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am pregnant with our first child. Since we are going to be new parents, I know and accept we are going to be uptight, hanging on every word of parenting advice ever, fine-tooth combing “What to Expect”, etc., until we get the swing of things and find our own parenting style. However, we are worried about how social networks may come into play.
I know it may seem silly, but we do not want anyone posting photos of our little one on their Facebook/Twitter/whatever. A new child can be an exciting and happy moment, so I am happy and flattered that people would want to share in this, but we feel sometimes the internet can allow one to share too much. Sharing photos with family and friends is wonderful, but we don’t want them posting these online and sharing with a bunch of strangers we don’t even know.
So three parter question: 1) How do we explain this in a nice way to help ensure our wishes are followed? 2) How do we handle things if our wishes are not accepted/ listened to/ followed? 3) Are we being over-protective/ downright bat-shit crazy?
Much love,
Nervous Newbie
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Dear N.N.,
Boy, are you going to have a laugh over this question some day. Probably when your child has screamed for 5 hours straight, you can’t remember the last time you took a shower and you just tried to bush your teeth with sunscreen. And then you’re going to think back to your concern about photos on the internet, let out a hearty laugh and then scream to your spouse, “FIND THE PACIFIER. FIND IT RIGHT NOW. WE BOUGHT 20 OF THEM. WHERE ARE THEY?!!! I DON’T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT NIPPLE CONFUSION. I CAN’T TAKE THE CRYING!!! FIND THAT GOD DAMN PACIFIER!!!”
But since that day has yet to come, let’s address your questions. If you want to prevent people from posting your child’s photo, I would try to have a really ugly child. Now I have no idea what you look like. But let’s just say if very big heads run in your family (like they do in mine), you are in the clear. Also, make sure you’re not a celebrity. If you just named your kid Blue Ivy, you’re going to have a problem.
But I really would not worry too much about friends/family putting your child’s photo on the internet. Mostly because no one is going to care remotely as much about your child as you will.
In fact, you’ll probably have to prevent yourself from posting a daily photo of your little babe to all your Facebook friends which of course includes that weird girl in your high school geometry class. Although I’m sure she’ll think little Johnny is oh so handsome!
To everyone else, kids sort of all blend together. Don’t believe me? Go look at all those Christmas cards. See what I mean?! Now if you do have one or two relatives who are prone to snapping copious amount of photos and instantly uploading them, just take them aside and ask them to respect your privacy. And if pictures do end up on Facebook or other sites, just request that the offending family member take them down.
Finally, are you bat shit crazy? No. Well, maybe a teeny tiny bit. But no more so than any other expecting parent. So don’t sweat it. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.
By the way, I found those baby expert books make excellent paper weights. Or if you get enough of them, a footstool! But I wouldn’t really bother reading them.
Good luck to you.
Kelcey, TMH
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I Love My Boyfriend, But I Cannot Spend Another Second With Him
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend and I live together. During the day, we text, email and talk both at lunch and during the commute home. I love him and our relationship is great (it really is)…but. He starts a new job next week and this means we can now carpool, and it’s already freaking me out. I think I am going to suffocate.
If you’re never apart how do you find stuff to talk about? How do you stay interesting to the other? While I know we won’t be working with each other at the same company, we will be in contact more during the day for business reasons–we even get to have lunch together everyday! (Did I mention that I think I will suffocate?)
Am I wrong? Too independent? The whole thing makes me nervous…
Signed,
Panic Attack
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Dear Panic Attack,
Well, the first thing I want to do is hand you a paper bag (deep, slow breaths) and reassure you that it’s certainly not odd to be feeling this way. I mean, do YOU think it’s odd? Because, I’m just saying…I don’t…in case you were worried.
(Keep breathing in that paper bag.)
I’m a little confused by your hesitation since you already seem to be in near-constant contact. In fact, the texting during the commute is not only dangerous, but highly unnecessary. Unless, of course, you’re texting to let him know that you just rear-ended the car in front of you, can’t move your legs, and could he call 911, please?
That said, I think that most couples–hell, most people–desire a sufficient amount of alone time–time that doesn’t involve texting, let alone sharing the control of the radio station. The ones that are SO IN LOVE and spend every moment together and love it all so very much? They’re not weird per se, but, speaking scientifically, statistically the chances of them being insane do rise exponentially.
But I also wonder about the length of this commute. Because if you’re squabbling about a fifteen minute drive, then, well, it’s not like you’re WEIRD or anything (why do you keep bringing that up?), but maybe you’re making a big deal out of nothing. However, if it’s something more substantial, or the commute is simply a part of your day that you use to decompress and relax, then I don’t see why your boyfriend wouldn’t understand your point of view here.
Unless of course you’re simply resistant to change and have OCD tendencies in regard to the texting. In which case, yes, you’re totally being weird.
Advice is complicated.
At the end of it all, I think you should just try it out and see how it goes. If you decide that spending the extra time together during the day will irreparably damage your relationship’s karmic flow, then just tell him to drive his own car. (He has a car, right? Dear god, don’t make him walk to work in the snow.) Or, if you choose to carpool to save money, compromise by nixing the joint lunch date. If that doesn’t work, try instituting a zero-tolerance, no-talking policy in the car.
Whatever you decide, he’ll probably think you’re crazy, but go along with it anyway because he loves you. (Weirdo.)
Godspeed,
Kristine, TMH
10 Comments <-- Click to Comment
Pubic Enemy #1
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m just going to say it: Do other women have problems with ingrown bikini hairs? Or do I alone have some kind of messed up crotch hair situation? It doesn’t matter what method of hair removal I use – shaving, waxing, plucking – I still get them every single time, which really pisses me off as a feminist. Men don’t have to do ANYTHING to their crotch hair before a trip to the beach! Where’s the equality in that? Help!
Signed,
Sally Stubble Crotch
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Dear Sally Stubble Crotch,
First of all, my apologies for just now getting to your question, which I see you sent in last July when you were right in the middle of swimsuit season. So—oopsie! Hope you weren’t too ostracized at the neighborhood pool for looking like a hot, nasty mess in your nether regions, my friend.
But the good news is it’s now January and therefore your hoo-hah is most likely under wraps. (Well, unless you’re some kind of “Craigslist model.”) But as all women know, winter is always a good time for the regrowth and reforestation of the pubes, so I advise you to just let your body do what’s natural right now. It’s what we in the professional beauty business call the “Wintering Hippie” phase. Doobage smoking and tie-dye t-shirt optional, of course.
But, come spring, it’s time to take Bikini Action! My internet research on ingrown pubic hairs, the visuals of which will scar me until my untimely death, tells me that people with coarse, dark hair are usually the most affected and that they must resist the urge to “perform DIY surgery” on their owie spots. Yeah. Shudder at that one. But I did find this website to be very informational.
I also read that you may want to consider either laser hair removal and/or electrolysis, which are permanent solutions. They might be costly and take some time, but they also supposedly work really well on dark hair and prevent future ingrown hairs. Yay! (Readers—weigh in if you’ve had this done and lived to tell the tale.)
Of course, if you’re truly upset about having to do anything to your pubic hair, then just leave it au natural. I, for one, would be happy to see a woman walking around the pool with a huge Afro poking out of her bikini bottoms. Mostly because it’d distract people from looking at my thunder thighs, but also because it’d show society that we women are free to do whatever the hell we want with our pubic hair. Especially if it doesn’t cause us any unnecessary pain.
Good luck!
Wendi, TMH
18 Comments <-- Click to Comment
Why Do Women Get So Angry Every Time They Bleed?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
why do women get so angry every time they bleed? …if i cut myself shaving, i don’t fly into a rage, push massive bars of chocolate into my mouth and moan about how fat my arse is.
Signed,
Thomas
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Dear Thomas,
Wow, thank you for taking time out of your busy day at Charm School to send in your question, Thomas! We know it’s really hard for a distinguished gentleman like yourself to find a computer, much less figure out how to spell words and use punctuation without the help of a correctional facility volunteer, so please know that we here at The Mouthy Housewives deeply appreciate your efforts. Now, on to your question!
Asking why women get so “angry” every time they “bleed” when you, a man, are able to easily handle a shaving cut tells me right off that you’re an expert in biology. Sweet AND smart! Hubba hubba! But honestly, not many people realize that a woman’s reproductive system works exactly like a man’s cheek, so kudos to you, sir. You are obviously a life-long subscriber to The New England Journal of Medicine and we bow to your amazing medical expertise.
Now, regarding why we women push massive bars of chocolate into our mouths and moan about how fat our arses are whenever we bleed—well, the answer is very simple, Thomas: we’re f&*#ing idiots. We’re weak, powerless and completely inferior in every way to you and your ilk. But come on, you already knew that, didn’t you? You were just using your dumbass, backwards question to flirt with us via the chickenshit anonymity of the internet, weren’t you? You SCAMP! You cheeky monkey! LOL.
Anyway, it’s been nice chatting with you, Thomas, but we’ll let you go because we know you’re a very busy, important man and you probably have tons more research to do on behalf of the International Women Haterz Club. But if you have any other thoughtful, intelligent questions about females, please be sure to let us know and we’ll answer them right away.
Well, unless we’re “bleeding,” of course. Then you can just go ahead and f*&k yourself.
Cheers!
Wendi, TMH
42 Comments <-- Click to Comment
My Sister-In-Law Has A Cold So She’s Calling The Cops On My Husband!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I received a disturbing text message from my sister-in-law, my husband’s younger half-sister. It read: “You’re with a child molester. Your husband would molest me and my twin sister when we were little. I will take a lie detector test and pass with flying colors.”
I was so shocked and sickened after I read the message. I called my husband and he told me his sister was lying because, according to her twin, she was mad at him and also suffering from an ear infection and on antibiotics! WHAT??
My question to you is, should I confront my crazy sister-in-law or just leave this situation alone? I hate confrontation but I don’t want her harassing us anymore.
Signed,
Sad and Sickened
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Dear Sad and Sickened,
Let me get this straight: your sister-in-law is accusing her brother of childhood molestation because she is mad at him and, also, because she has an ear infection? What would happen if she came down with pneumonia? Or the Avian Flu? Would she level charges of treason against everyone in her town? Blame her twin for the current economic crisis?
It seems possible that your sister-in-law is certainly suffering from something but it, most likely, has very little to do with her current ear infection. Whether it is a serious psychological disorder or the effects of childhood trauma is difficult to determine and should be left to a professional.
Whatever her real issue, it’s important for you to communicate your limits to her. The in-law relationship can be fragile and difficult so it’s important to proceed with caution. Especially in this case. You need to state clearly and directly that if she is angry with your husband she needs to talk about it with him NOT you. I would suggest staying away from judging her emotional state and simply focus on the interaction between the two of you and setting strict boundaries.
At the end of the day, however, this is an extremely disturbing accusation. You owe it to yourself to make sure that there isn’t any validity to her indictment. It seems to me that although you wrote to us regarding your sister-in-law, you might be more concerned about her accusations than you are letting on. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest and frank discussion preferably in a safe environment with the presence of a therapist or mediator. Put any and all of your questions to rest.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
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