Was It Good For You, Too? Was it? WAS IT?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend and I recently started dating, though we have been friends for many years. The problem is now that we are sleeping together, he seems to need constant reassurance about his sexual proficiency–both in and out of the bedroom. While I think we have great sex, I am totally turned off by his insecurity and I kind of resent having to constantly reassure him. Now, rather than enjoy myself, I am always worried whether I communicate my satisfaction emphatically enough. (Honestly, if I get any MORE emphatic I’m afraid the neighbors will call the cops.)
I understand that we all need reassurance sometimes, but is there some magic phrase that will make him actually hear me when I say it’s great instead of fishing for more compliments? I want to be his girlfriend, not his life coach.
Signed,
Get oh-oh-over it
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Dear Get oh-oh over it,
I assume lighting up a post-coital cigarette isn’t a clear message of satisfaction to your boyfriend, so here’s what I suggest you do. Find a vacant billboard on the busiest street in your city and rent it out with the message, “YES, IT WAS GOOD FOR ME TOO, JOHN!”
If that isn’t enough for your boyfriend, my next suggestion is for your boyfriend to watch Dr. Phil. With deep, sage advice such as, “You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you,” I’m sure your boyfriend will be feeling sexually secure and confident in no time. Or possibly he’ll just feel confused like I do, because what in the world does Dr. Phil’s quote even mean?
And if neither of those suggestions will work, I suppose we can hope your boyfriend will naturally grow more sexually secure the longer you date. If he doesn’t, I say dump him before the co-dependent hook sinks so deep you need the Jaws of Life to extricate yourself from the relationship. Co-dependency is not a relationship game you want to play.
Besides, as Dr. Phil says, “You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self.”
(I don’t know really what that means either.)
Signed,
Heather, TMH
6 Responses to “Was It Good For You, Too? Was it? WAS IT?”
Comment by Lara.
Once I got over how annoying that would be, I had two questions: Did someone tell him he wasn’t good in bed? Are you more experienced than he is? Find the source of the insecurity, and you might find the solution.
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Lisa Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Ding, ding, ding!
Talk to him. Why isn’t that the first piece of advice? If you are physically intimate – and been friends for a long time – why can’t you be emotionally intimate and ask what’s going on?
“John, I understand that we all need reassurance sometimes, but is there some magic phrase that will make you actually hear me when I say it’s great? Should I write it down? Put in on my Facebook status? Build a statue to your prowess? Choreograph an interpretive dance? Tell me what I need to do so that you get how into you I am. Anything but having to repeat myself endlessly, because that ain’t working and besides, it’s wearing me down.”
I only suggest those comical suggestions if he’s the kind of guy to laugh at them as opposed to be hurt by them.
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Comment by Rachel.
I say talk to him. And if he doesn’t want to talk about it, then think about if you want to be in the relationship. Someone who needs constant reassurance and isn’t willing to talk about his feelings might not be the best boyfriend material.
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Heather Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 10:04 am
or possibly Yoda on meth.
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Single Mom Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:15 am
or a methed out drunk yoda toking up on some crack
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