Can a Donkey and an Elephant Get Along?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My mother and her cousin are both in their late sixties and have managed to maintain a fairly close relationship over the years, despite the fact that they are polar opposites. One of them is prim, religious and staunchly Republican. The other is rebellious, has no tolerance for organized religion and very much a Democrat. But they can really enjoy each other’s company as long as they avoid talking about politics and religion.
Yet no matter what, the conversation devolves into a political/religious debate, with each of them coming away with bad feelings. My problem is that I am sick and tired of my mother telling me about her frustration with some “stupid” thing that her cousin has said. Do you have any thoughts about how to teach my mother to avoid taboo subjects or how to help me deal with her bitching?
Sincerely,
Sick of Family Politics
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Dear Sick of Family Politics,
Let me first give you some hope. I actually know of couples where one spouse is a conservative Republican and the other spouse is a liberal Democrat and somehow they manage to get along and stay happily married. Obviously, they avoid talking about politics and I’m pretty sure they have separate residences during a presidential election year. But still, it is possible for two people who have different ideologies to coexist.
Now let me crush your hope. You mentioned your mother and your cousin are in their late sixties so we can pretty much assume that neither of them is going to change their behavior at this point. I have given up the dream that someday my 66 year-old mother will learn how to turn on her cable and select a channel from the digital menu. It’s just not going to happen. Older people don’t tend to pick up a lot of new habits.
So the best thing you can do is accept that these ladies ain’t changing. They are going to be arguing, God willing, for many healthy years to come. But you need to get out of the middle. You need to tell your mother very firmly that you no longer want to hear her rants about her cousin. She needs to identify a friend who has the same political/religious leanings as herself. Then every time she needs to vent about her terribly misguided cousin, she will call that person. NOT you.
If she forgets and tries use you as a sounding board, gently remind her that she needs to call her friend. If that still doesn’t work, let her know that every time she complains to you, you will donate $1 to the political party she does NOT support. Show her the receipts. That should definitely do it.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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6 Responses to “Can a Donkey and an Elephant Get Along?”
Comment by Lisa.
Or threaten to make them hold hands on the couch watching the Colbert Report.
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Comment by Rachel.
during the most recent presidential election, I lived with two people who were like that; it was horrible! I wish I would’ve had this advice to use… especially the part about donating money to the opposite party *evil grin*
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Comment by Sick of Family Politics.
Thank you for the great advice. I can’t wait to write that check. Though I am pretty sure that it will be sizable because I can’t see her controling herself. Hope I don’t go broke in the process.
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Comment by Kelly.
The donation idea is priceless!!! I’d be sure to tell her you’ll do the donation monthly, and show her the first receipt – hopefully, after that she’ll realize you’re serious and give up ranting to you, or you can just photoshop the same receipt to show her the following month.
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Comment by Wendi.
Oh, Kelcey. Brilliant!
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