Hello God, It’s Me, Woman. Aren’t You Glad We Don’t Need a Box To Talk?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
How come men are such morons? Why is a trained policeman sent to look for girls living in a backyard of a convicted sex offender and he looks no further than the front door of the house, not the backyard? Why did it take TWO FEMALES (one security guard, the other a policewoman) to see that something was wrong and rescue three captive females from the Monster in California? Do we really need men “protecting” us?
Signed,
Angry Amazon
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Dear Angry Amazon,
Why are men such morons?
An age-old question even Socrates in all his wisdom could not answer. Only Confucius touched on this genetic mystery when he said, “If I am walking with two men, ask directions we will not.” Or maybe that was Yoda. Or maybe I just made it up because I wouldn’t be surprised if the policeman got lost on his way to the backyard and refused to ask for directions.
I suppose it took two females to discover the Jaycee Dugard tragedy because we women see with more than just our eyes. Female intuition has long been disregarded and not given the credit it is due. We certainly don’t need God to give us a sign by burning bushes or, like Phillip Garrido, talking to us through a box. I personally believe (meaning God told me through a bottle of Windex) males lack this sixth sense because the “male member” interferes with the reception of intuitive signals, somewhat like an analog antenna trying to receive a digital signal – it’s all scrambled to hell and back.
When my boys are playing in the playroom, whose intuition tells them the sudden silent play is more dangerous than all the thumps, crashes, and yells combined? Not my husband’s. I know they are up to no good when things get too quiet. My husband just thinks how he can finally hear the football game on ESPN.
With the invention of tasers, I’m not sure we need men protecting us any more. I don’t exactly need my husband fighting off a saber tooth tiger for me. But he is handy at hanging pictures and can open the pickle jar, so I don’t think I’m ready to do without him just yet.
Sincerely,
Heather, TMH
6 Responses to “Hello God, It’s Me, Woman. Aren’t You Glad We Don’t Need a Box To Talk?”
Comment by CSY.
I hear you about the appendage getting in the way of their ‘intuition’…I love my hubbs, but sometimes I could just…well, you know…
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Comment by Amber in Albuquerque.
And (in no way defending the criminal, but the male police officer)…if his intuition was(pardon the expression… ‘hosed’ he may not have had legal authority to go further than the front door without the man’s permission and…he may have accepted the scumbag’s lies because, well, men are thick about such things.
Police officers put their lives on the line every day (entering into the house/backyard on his own could have put him in physical as well as legal danger); trying to protect the innocent without stepping on the rights of the scumbag is a tough job. I’m glad there’s someone out there willing to do it. Maybe we could cut the officer some slack? We could do some cutting for the scumbag as well, I’ll leave that to the imagination (but afterwards we could see if his ‘reception’ was improved, eh?).
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Comment by Amber in Albuquerque.
Thanks ladies. I’ve just been hearing the male officer take a load of backlash in the media, like he was the one to blame. He wasn’t and I’m glad I had the opportunity to say so in a forum more public than my living room.
I loves me some Mouthy Housewives!
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Comment by suburbancorrespondent.
One wonders how they manage, really…
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