How To Smackdown A Bully
Today we are thrilled to welcome our Guest Mouthy Housewife, Ann Imig! Ann is one of our very favorite funny writers who can be found at AnnsRants where she, well, rants and raves and makes us laugh our little butts off. Thanks, Ann! We’re honored to have you with us today.
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Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My professor assigned workgroups for class during the first week of the course. My group got along fine until it came time to do our term project. One of the guys of the group is awful. He made a girl cry, he doesn’t stay on task, and he often spends the entire hour or so we’re allotted insulting the girls of the group. He’s smart and talented, but he insults me so much it’s all I can do to keep from losing my mind. What can I do to resolve this conflict long enough to pass?
Signed,
Wooly Wooly, This Guy’s A Bully
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Dear Wooly,
Ah, yes… the $300 per course/hour “learning to play well with others” group project. Let me guess, does the professor also spend every lecture turning every question back at the students with “What do you think? Anything else?” instead of actually TEACHING?
Sorry.
You have a couple choices here.
1) Hunker down and get through it. Sounds to me like you are dealing with a classic narcissist, so using a rational approach will prove useless. The sad “life is unfair” truth is, you’ll probably encounter more creeps like him in the workforce. They might even become your boss. Complaining about it only makes you look bad, because in the end, these smart talented f*cksticks tend to deliver good work. If the professor is decent, they should allow you a post-project group evaluation where you detail Mr. Bullcrap’s inappropriate behavior—after the project is complete.
-OR-
2) Forget about resolving the conflict and tease him until he cries! Watch the movie Mean Girls for sophisticated social isolation techniques. Use your new-found taunting skills at your next meeting, and reduce him to a smart, talented, quivering heap! Remember the “private joke?” Every time he starts serving up his insults, look at your partners and convulse with laughter for an uncomfortably long time–all the while staring at his crotch, ears, or another vulnerable area of your choosing. When he stares blankly and asks “What? What?” wipe the tears from your eyes and try to say “nothing, nothing” between guffaws. Repeat as needed until he storms out. Then you can actually get some work done and make the meeting worthwhile—not to mention revel in his demise.
Hang in there Wooly,
Ann, Guest TMH
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This week, we’re awarding our coveted The Mouthy Housewives’ Seal of Approval to Sarah of In the Trenches of Mommyhood for her hysterical post about Victoria’s Secret bathing suits! Thanks, Sarah, for making us look forward to bathing suit season in February!
18 Responses to “How To Smackdown A Bully”
Comment by mom, again.
our useless guy was a charmer. brought us presents and chocolate, but didn’t do a damn thing. But was so nice! But was so useless.
We hung him out to dry on the evaluations.
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Comment by dg at diaryofamadbathroom.
Number 1 is great advice because it’s gospel truth. I work in a big office building with hundreds of people and I can’t swing a #2 pencil, without hitting a narcissist.
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Comment by Ann.
Awww, shucks guys! Thanks for having me over. I am honored to be your guest today.
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Comment by deb williams.
ah, the group project. well, at least it appears that this bully will indeed get the work done. my son always gets all the work dumped on him (and he is no star student). his last group included the boy who, 2 wks later, set a girl’s locker on fire, and the boy who couldn’t make it over to group work day because his parents were visiting his brother up in “the pen”. not kidding. wooly should maybe count her blessings, let the bully do his thing while she enjoys a nice mani-pedi.
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Comment by Becky.
I think #2 is fantastic. Although in #1 Ann used the word f*ckstick so it’s a toss up.
Great job ANN!
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Comment by Anna Lefler.
I know Ann, and in real life, she drives a souped-up Charger, wears t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off and spends a lot of time smacking a pack of cigarettes against her palm and saying things like, “Oh, yeah? Why don’t you come over *here* and say that, chump?”
Oh, and “f*ckstick” is her nickname for her mom.
I’m just sayin’.
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Comment by admin.
Wow, Ann. That Chuck Norris Online Seminar you recently completed seems to have paid off.
–Wendi
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Comment by Lee of MWOB.
Okay. The picture Anna painted of Ann really has me chuckling over here in my kitchen. I was nodding the whole time and saying to myself “That is soooooo ANN!!!”
But really, I would go with #2.
Nice work Ann.
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Comment by Not The Rockefellers.
Anna’s right
and also Ann can play f*cksticks on the piano.
Blindfolded.
Yup.
Badass.
Peace ~ Rene
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Comment by Joanna Jenkins.
Great job Ann! “….Watch the movie Mean Girls for sophisticated social isolation techniques…” Ha! Love that.
I’m new to this blog. Nice to meet you. I’m off to look around some more.
jj
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Comment by Sophie, Inzaburbs.
Ann is some kind of genius.
I once worked in an all-male environment where I felt obliged to walk around as if I had something in my shorts in order to fit in (not literally obviously, and you have to forgive me, I was young).
The work bully taunted me relentlessly and the day I turned the tables on him, I made him cry. So I would definitely vote for #2.
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Comment by Kate Coveny Hood.
Excellent advice. I often wonder what advice I would give my own children regarding bullies…high road ethics or passive aggressive (yet effective) manipulation… It’s so hard to know what’s best. Then I remember that they’ll never come to me for advice on this higher learning level bullying so I’m in the clear!
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Comment by kmdguerra.
OMG, I think I almost laughed harder at the comments to this post than the actual post itself. I’d go with #2 all the way. It’s so Japanese–if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
And f*ckstick is now my new favorite word!
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Comment by Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club.
Definitely go with #2. I can feel Ann’s cold cold stare that would follow the derision session breakdown. Ouch!
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Comment by Lisa Rae @ smacksy.
Excellent advice.
Note to self: Ann took notes during Mean Girls. Do not eff with Ann.
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