Grow Up Already!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
How do you get your grown daughters to act like adults and quit asking Mommy to bail them out?
Signed,
BondMom
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Dear BondMom,
Remember that great line from “Field of Dreams”: “If you build it, they will come”? Well, a corollary to that, although totally unexplored in the film, is “if you keep bailing them out, they’ll continue to depend on it.” So, the short answer is the next time your adult daughter comes by expecting you to get her out of a nightmare of her own making, don’t do it. I’m sure that it will require a superhuman effort to refrain from leaping to her rescue, but what else is motherhood if not an exercise in miraculous self-restraint?
Of course I spent forty minutes this afternoon doing a CSI of my daughter’s room in an effort to find her shin guards before the soccer game. Sure, I could have let it go and let her experience the consequence of her actions and let her plan soccer shinguardless, but she’s my baby! And they’re her shins! My baby’s shins!
I assume your daughter is older (I am relying heavily on the “adult”, you see!) but your maternal desire to protect, shield and save is just as strong as always. When she is in a non-crisis mode, let her know that while you will always love her, you do expect her to face the consequences of her actions. And who knows? She may appreciate the opportunity to act her age.
Yours in Motherhood,
Marinka
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2 Responses to “Grow Up Already!”
Comment by Mary.
My mother is the last person I would call if I needed bail money. My dad is second to last. I actually know this from personal experience. lol.
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Comment by assomeoneelse.
For the love of all that is Merlot, learn to say: that’s life, deal with it. My husband is 32 with a family and until just recently has always had his parents to fall back on. We lived on their land, in their house, drove their car and worked for their company. There was no way he could fail.
Then something happened that forced him to rely completely on himself… do you have any idea how loud a full grown man can whine when he has to pay bills instead of buy a case of 7up? And god forbid he has to hear that a gallon of milk is more important than guitar strings.
We can’t help but want to be there for them, but it does them no good when they know that no matter what risk they take or problem they create mom’s always there with a cup of cocoa and a fat check.
Steel yourself and learn to say: wow, sucks to be you, bet you won’t do that again.
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