Stepmother Woes
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am a full-time stepmom to 13 and 15 yr old stepsons. We also have a 6 year old son. Problem is with the 15 year old. He got all A’s and B’s first semester and now is acting like he doesn’t give a crap. Taking away privileges such as his cell phone, video games, friends and computer doesn’t seem to matter to him. It’s like he doesn’t care. It drives me crazy because my husband (the dad) can’t seem to raise his voice to put a little scare in the kid. I think the boy needs a fire lit under his butt. Should I just ignore this or what?
Signed,
Stepping Out of My Mind
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Dear Stepping Out,
I feel for you. For all the literature out there on parenting, the step-parenting materials seem to deal mostly with Cinderella. What’s a stepmom to do?
You don’t mention where your stepsons’ mother is in all this, so I am forced to assume that she is out of the picture. But even if she isn’t, this is a conversation between you and your husband.
Tell your husband that you are concerned about CinderEl. Teenagers are weirdoes. It’s one thing for a child to let his grades drop a bit, but when a kid loses interest in vital items like electronics and friends, all sorts of alarms should be going off. Is he depressed? In crisis? You and your husband may need to speak to his teachers and guidance counselor about this.
If you receive a clean bill of mental health from all the professionals involved and all the drug tests that you’ve performed on his hair samples come back negative, it’s time for the next phase. You, your husband and CinderEl need to sit down and you have to explain to him what the expectations are. Ask him what the consequences should be. (Personally, I’ve found that teenagers are motivated by cash, and taking their allowance from them is a real teenage Come To Jesus moment.)
Good luck. Step-parenting is not for wimps.
Love,
Marinka
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3 Responses to “Stepmother Woes”
Comment by Plano Mom.
Great advice. And stepparenting is NOT for the faint of heart. My oldest is 18, my step, but ours to raise since she was 5. We have always struggled with expectations, and I’m happy to say that every time I made a stink about it, she (and her father) stepped up. So by my experience, speak up! Don’t let Dad minimize your concern. Make waves! It makes a difference!
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Comment by Lisa.
I think talking to him is a good idea, but I’d start by asking him questions. Like, what’s up? Why did he care before? Has something happened to make him stop caring?
What does he plan to do after high school and how does he plan to get there?
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Comment by Beth.
I’m reading a book right now called “the smart stepmom” by laura somebody or another and ron deal. it has some interesting insight.
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