Did I Just Have a Hotflash?
No, you didn’t. From New York City, where Kelcey and Marinka perspire next to movie stars, to Texas and the coast of Alabama, where Wendi and Heather are old sweating pros, it’s that hot outside.
But we Mouthy Housewives are here to help beat the heat by giving away our own personal hints, tips, and tricks for staying cool. And you don’t even have to pry our clinical strength deodorant out of our cold, dead hands.
Sigh…cold. Do you remember that feeling? Oh, what we wouldn’t give to feel like a witch’s t*t right now…
So how do The Mouthy Housewives keep their cool?
Heather – What would I do for a Klondike bar? I would snatch it right out of your hands and stuff it down my bra. Ahhh! (This works best if you snatch it from children and old people.)
Kelcey – I use my newborn twins’ Pampers in my armpits to soak up all of my sweat. It works like a dream! Or I crank the AC in the minivan, drive around blasting Katy Perry’s California Gurls and flirt with high school boys at the red lights. Those young, rock hard abs make me forget all about a little heat wave.
Wendi – When the temperature has been over 100 degrees in Austin for two months, I simply put on some loose clothing, find a dark room in which to lie down, then I close my eyes and imagine that a nude Jon Gosselin is licking the toes on my right foot and a nude Rush Limbaugh is licking the toes on my left. Ewwwww—-instant body chills!
Marinka -During a heatwave, I have all my cocktails on the rocks. Because staying hydrated is a priority.
So, Mouthy readers—what are your favorite ways to stay out of the heat?
8 Responses to “Did I Just Have a Hotflash?”
Comment by writingmama04.
Y’all don’t know hot until you go through medical menopause due to chemo in the hottest dang summer on record in Austin (last year. Something like 60 days of 100+ temps.Yowza!) Too hot for hair, I would sit around the house with my naked head letting the steam out. It’s amazing how much heat is trapped by all those locks. So while I wouldn’t recommend going full commando-head, you might consider getting a shorter do for the summer months. It’s not so bad being a wash-n-go girl, for a while anyway.
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Comment by Marinka, TMH.
Please note who was the only Mouthy Housewife who worked a cocktail into the advice.
Something to consider.
When writing your will.
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Comment by Mom on the Vergey.
I’m always tempted to shave my head. I mean, really — do I have to walk around with this big fat wombat on my head, keeping all that heat in?
Being a Mild-Mannered Middle-Aged Mom, I make do with a ponytail and a cool, damp bandana on my neck. *sigh* Born to be mild…
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Comment by Plano Mom.
On Valentines Day I promised the hubs I’d grow out the hair. It was about a half inch long all over. Now it is still too short for a ponytail. Since it is also very thick and curly, I’m going for the Jimi Hendrix bandanna cutting through the afro look.
As for staying cool, in keeping with the whole Twilight lunacy, I only go outside at night and on cloudy days. Who needs Vitamin D?
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
I don’t even bother trying to get cool anymore. I just live moist.
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Comment by Margaret (Nanny Goats).
Living Moist sounds like a fabulous product name. Can we get Mad Men on the line for a slogan? I mean their next season starts soon, right?
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Comment by Seana.
All you people east of the Rockies are sucking up all the heat! I live in California in the Bay Area and it’s barely been 70 degrees for the whole month of July. I miss summer weather. Instead, we are experiencing FOG, FOG and more FOG. Sometimes, it doesn’t even burn off. meh.
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Wendi Reply:
July 9th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Fortunately, Diane looks amazing with a naked head.
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