How About Our House? Yes, That Would Be “Again”
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My son’s best friend lives in a very unsafe neighborhood, and although the kid and his family are great, I don’t feel comfortable having my son visit their house. I try to schedule as many playdates as possible at our house, but it’s becoming obvious. Do I come clean or suck it up?
Signed,
Scaredy Cat
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Dear Scaredy Cat:
Well, for starters it depends on your definition of a bad neighborhood. In my city, if the parents live on a block where the nicest car is a Jetta and the neighbors do things like work full-time and send their kids to public school, then you’re right, it is a bad neighborhood.
That’s why I always tell people I live in a certain area when, in fact, I happen to just live near it. The only difference is their homes are a few hundredthousandish square feet larger than mine, and they have maybe, three…four…, okay six extra zeros in their paystubs.
Other than that, you could never tell us apart.
I’ll admit it would be traumatic for “certain” children and their families to come over to my home, knowing that their little ones are “confined” to 1,700 square feet of playing space for two hours. I know it would be nervewracking for the parents, sitting at home, waiting and wondering if their little ones will survive when I tell them, “No, we don’t have a Wii yet. Sorry.” I get it. But would I think they felt it was “dangerous”? No, I don’t think so.
However, if we’re talking about a neighborhood where even the people who reside there fear for their lives, that is another story. It’s a very sensitive topic to be sure, because although you want to protect your kid, you don’t want to insult his friend’s family because they can’t afford to live in a safe area. However, the bottom line is, your kid’s safety comes first. I guess I’ve always been of the ilk that honesty, sprinkled with a little white lie here and there so as not to offend someone, is the best policy. Although if I’ve tried the “sprinkle white lie” policy and the other person doesn’t want to see me or my kid again, well, then so be it. Sure, I’ll be sad, but policy “b” is where I accept it and hopefully my kid will understand that what happened, happened only because I wanted to keep her safe.
Love,
Jessica TMH
7 Responses to “How About Our House? Yes, That Would Be “Again””
Comment by miswiggie.
Schedule the playdate for your son and his friend at his friend’s house (providing it there aren’t any hypodermic needles on the ground or crack whores hanging around)and tell his mom that you’d like to do lunch together because you haven’t had much time to catch up with her.
Now check out how she handles the situation. Does she keep her doors locked? Do the kids stay inside close-by where she can hear? Do you hear gunfire outside?
Chances are the ‘bad’ neighborhood is just an old, run-down neighborhood with single parents and probably teenagers who hang around and look like a drug-deal is imminent, but it’s not. Once you get a good feel for the area and know nobody is at risk, then next time you can let your son go over (maybe earlier in the day as opposed to too late) another time.
And if you DO have to flee to your car at the end of the playdate trying not to look Snoopy the Pimp in the eye as he tries to employ you, well you can ALWAYS say “We did your place last time, how ’bout mine this time?” Then run home, change your number and never speak to said friend again.
Or tell her that you really enjoy having her son over and you know how great it is to have a little break, and you’re MORE than happy to do this kind deed for her. No repayment required.
Oh, or meet at a park halfway inbetween. Or suggest the playdate is at a movie theater, playplace or other neutral area that isn’t “yours” or “mine.”
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Comment by Aludra.
“Bad neighborhood” is so vague. Some people would call my neighborhood “bad” because it’s almost 40 years old now. Some of the houses were loved more than others, and some of the less loved ones have “For Rent” signs in the yard. But it is also a very active neighborhood with kids walking to school, and people taking walks and playing sports in the park, and friendly neighbors, even if they are only renting for now.
I’d say that unless you see people doing deals or pointing guns, like that guy on Fail Blog, your kid is probably as safe at his friend’s house as he is at yours.
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Comment by Sophie, Inzaburbs.
I too would like to know how unsafe it really is. Presumably the kid and his family have lived there for a while, and they’re not dead yet?
If it truly is unsafe though, I second the idea of playdates elsewhere. The easiest is to make it a regular – say, weekly – date, somewhere like a park (“I really want little Johnny to get more exercise!”), leaving less room for unwelcome invitations outside the framework. I meet a friend and her kids this way so that I don’t ever have to see her awful husband 
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Comment by GrandeMocha.
I make the kids in my bad neighborhood play at my house. One kid has a creepy dad, one kid’s mom has a creepy live in boyfriend with a tarantula, one kid has a creepy older that plays WOW all day in the basement, one mom kicks the kids out in the morning & tells them not come until dinner. I feed whoever is at my house when it is time to eat. No one ever comes looking for these kids.
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Comment by amy.
I think it would all come down to how bad the friends neighborhood really IS and how much I know and respect the parents.
My daughter has had really awesome friends who live in less than desirable locales but have awesome parents so I feel they are safe.
I often wonder if some of THEIR friends worry about where we live! It’s all relative folks and for me comes down to the parents and how well I know/like them.
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Comment by Erin.
I live right on the border of a “bad neighborhood” and a fantastic neighborhood. Ours is fine, but if I tell people it is right next to “bad neighborhood” I get a lot of looks. My daughter is starting to make friends at school and I wondered if anyone would look down on us for living where we do, so I have not suggested a playdate. But, I probably will at some point, and will hope that the fact that my kid is obviously in good health, comes from a good family, and is well taken care of will nullify any concerns of the parent. I say she should go over to the friends house and check it out because it may not be that bad after all!
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Comment by Lynn.
Wow, that’s a tough one. Ultimately, though, it’s our responsibility as parents to keep our kids safe. It’s also our duty to determine what is actually dangerous and what is the result of our ingrained social paranoia. Personally, I would check the crime rate for the neighborhood and proximity of registered sex offenders. If those are relatively clear, give them a chance!
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