I’d Rather Be Stuck in the Bermuda Triangle than a Love Triangle
It’s Guest Post Friday! Woo-hoo! Today we are honored to welcome the very funny, very cool Deb on the Rocks! (And not just because every time we say her name, we hear Neil Diamond’s awesome voice in our heads.) A couple of us Mouthy Housewives had the pleasure of being on a humor panel with Ms. Deb at last year’s BlogHer, and we found her to be just as funny and charming in real life as she is on her blog. Thanks, Deb–we’re thrilled to have you!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
One of my best friends, “Sarah,” lives in California. Recently, another (male) friend of mine from Philadelphia went to her city for a job interview. He stayed with Sarah and they hooked up. So far no problem. But then she went out of town for business and he hooked up with her roommate! Of course, my guy friend divulged all this to me. He’s still talking to Sarah and they are even planning a potential weekend together. He swore me to secrecy but I feel like my friend should know the truth. What do you think?
Signed,
Trapped in a Triangle
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Dear Trapped,
So your friend from Philly has found himself some Californication? Good for him! Though in the process of stimulating his personal economy, it looks like our little job seeker has created two relationship triangles. I actually know a lot about this, as I’ve played every role in this scenario. And as my therapist will tell you if you pay her $120/week for 9 years, a triangle is a dangerous geometric shape to squeeze your heart into, because they prevent you from making really awesome solid one-to-one lines with the people in your life. Here’s the math:
Triangle A is Sarah, Philly Boy and Sarah’s roommate.
Triangle B is Sarah, Philly Boy and you.
Now when we analyze those triangles, we learn two things. First, we can learn that everyone is getting laid except you. Secondly, we see who created BOTH of these triangles: Philly Boy. He made A with his suave moves. (Keep in mind that Sarah and her roommate might even know about Triangle A, but don’t care.) On top of that triangle, Phil then made Triangle B by divulging his dirty secrets to you and engaging you in secrecy games that would create distance between you and Sarah. Phil is a lousy carpenter, and I predict an earthquake will topple his cards soon.
So of all of the 4 people in this parallelogram, I assure you that you have the worst role, because you aren’t even getting orgasms out of the trouble. What you need to do is set things straight with Philly by refusing to be a point in Triangle B. Tell him you don’t care what he does with whom, but that you are not invested in keeping any of his secrets at the expense of any of your other friends unless he’s sleeping with you and only you (which would be a really bad idea, though I hear he rocks the sack). If you do hook up with Professor Phil at any point down the line, please make him get tested first and never forget that boyfriend avoids commitment by building his relationships to resemble HALF of a diamond.
After you have that conversation with him, I think you will be fine. $120 x 365 days - 6 weeks vacation (therapists can afford that) x 9 years > free, which is what this advice cost you. Way to go Trapped, you are really good at math!
Sincerely,
Deb on the Rocks, Guest TMH
9 Responses to “I’d Rather Be Stuck in the Bermuda Triangle than a Love Triangle”
Comment by Marinka, The Mouthy Housewives.
Great advice, Deb. Also, please consider blackmailing Philly Dude because then paying for therapy will be absolutely no problem!
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Comment by Erin at Im Gonna Kill Him.
I prefer my lovers trysts come in the shape of isosceles trapezoids. I just love geometry and skanky booty calls. Why the heck did I get married:)
I say leave it on a list, like roommates often do. Monday – Sarah clean toilet and sleep with Philly Boy. Tuesday – Sarah’s roommate picks up groceries and sleeps with Philly Boy. It’s all out in the open and maybe they can defray some rent and household responsibilities with their new visitor.
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Comment by Deb on the Rocks.
Never say never, Wendi. I would wait until your 80s, 90s, though. There’s a few good reason that nursing homes are hotbeds of love triangles: keeps you limber, and it efficiently shares the few remaining men. So don’t give up.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
Does this guy intend on continuing this asshole like behavior, or is he simply in a momentary too much of a good thing dilemma? Seems to me if he has a platonic friend that’s a woman, he just might come out of this still holding on to his decent man card. Let’s see if he’s a player or simply momentarily deprived of adequate blood supply to his brain.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
I’m just saying that when I was young and had stomach muscles, I was caught in that “OMGI’mso gettinglaidwhatthehelldoido” triangle. Sometimes it’s hard to decide-that’s why it’s a stupid cliche.
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Comment by Rockthemuffintop.
That’s good stuff…I’d totally buy summa that drama and read it…who wants to spin it into a book?
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Comment by Keyona.
Awesome advice! And tell your friend (the girl) Philly should not have put you in that position.
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