In Search of Earth Friendly In-Laws
Dear TMH,
My two children are going to my in-laws’ for the weekend. I only use organic, natural products (shampoo, sunscreen, etc.) on them. My in-laws live in the land of Johnson & Johnson. How can I nicely ask them to use the organic shampoo and sunscreen that I send along with my boys? Or should I just let it go for the weekend? But I hate the idea of my children being exposed to any kind of chemicals.
Signed, Organic and Happy
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Dear Organic and Happy,
Forget your question. Here’s what I want to know – where do you live because I’m bringing the keg. Yahoo!!! All night party at Miss Organic’s house! Oh, you’ve already planned a weekend getaway with your husband in the Hamptons? Ok fine. I’ll cancel my sitter. But this organic beer won’t drink itself.
Listen – I think it’s admirable that you are committed to using organic products. Since 1974, 20,000 new chemicals have come into the marketplace. And children are far more susceptible to these chemicals than adults.
But let’s not forget that you are spending the weekend ALONE and maybe it’s not worth getting worked up over a couple Johnson & Johnson baths. And that cucumber melon baby wash does smell perfectly delightful.
However, if this is really important to you (and maybe you just don’t want to set a precedent), simply let your in-laws know that you would prefer them using the organic shampoo and sunscreen you packed. Try to prevent yourself from using phrases like “toxic bath” or “your home is like a chemical waste dump” because that might inflame the situation.
If you think they’ll just blow off your request as soon as you’ve gunned the engine and rounded the corner on your way to South Hampton, then maybe a tiny little white lie is in order. Just mention your kids have a skin allergy and it’s really important they use the products you provided. Your in-laws will absolutely follow your instructions because at 10 pm, they don’t want to be rushing little Johnny to the hospital when they could be relaxing in bed watching, “America’s Got Talent.”
By the way, if you want to know more about protecting your kids from chemicals, check out this site. And if you want to know more about making in-laws do what you want, I would consult a hypnotist.
Love,
Kelcey, TMH
SUMMER GIVEAWAY! The fabulous women over at Promom Couture are giving away one of their cool summer tanks to a lucky TMH reader. Simply leave a comment this week and we’ll put your name in the random drawing. How cute is this!?
26 Responses to “In Search of Earth Friendly In-Laws”
Comment by Kara.
My parents feed my son things I would NEVER let him have…but I’ve never let it spoil a weekend alone with my husband. What a rare treasure! Have a great weekend!
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Comment by christy.
Man, what I wouldn’t give for a whole weekend alone with my husband! We don’t watch tv with our daughter, but when my parents watch her I say whatever goes – she’s on vacation! ha! Hopefully they respect her request to use the organics, but if not, it’s only one weekend and hopefully the kids won’t react to the J&J…
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Comment by DesignHER Momma.
confession: my mom does not even recycle. Is that even legal? Organic means nothing to them.
tshirt giveaway? yes please.
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Comment by Mary.
Maybe it’s because I don’t recycle either, but I don’t see the problem.
Grandparents don’t have to follow the parent rules – that’s why they’re grandparents. When we stayed with my grandma, she fed us chocolate donuts, chocolate milk, and cocoa puffs for breakfast. We thought it was great!
And shoot, I use Suave Professionals conditioner on my almost 2 year old and she’s just fine. I doubt a weekend of No More Tears will harm the little darlings. Besides, maybe Grandma and Grandpa don’t even have J&J for the visit and expect the kids to come with their own stuff.
Sounds to me like someone is trying to nit-pick the in-laws for some deeper darker reason. If that’s the worst she can come up with, she’s lucky indeed.
Can I be in the giveaway? Can I win? lol.
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Comment by Pop and Ice.
If anyone was willing to take my children for the weekend – when they were young – I would happily unload them and not worry about the niceties. Make sure they know about the IMPORTANT STUFF – Emergency numbers, meds, doctors, hospitals, etc. Don’t fuss over shampoo and stuff, after all, you are going out of town without the kids!!!!
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Comment by Sophie, Inzaburbs.
I agree, just send the products along and mention casually that they are for the kids’ “sensitive skin”. Then forget about it. Despite your best efforts, your kids are going to come into contact with non-organics once in a while anyhow, unless you also send them to school, playdates and pubic bathrooms with their own bag of organic goodies. It’s not worth spoiling a weekend – or your relationship with your in-laws – over. Have fun!
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Comment by Coco.
The inlaws should respect her wishes. She is providing the product so it isn’t like they have to go out of their way or do extrordinary messures to comply.
The Tank is divine.
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Comment by Ashlie- Mommycosm.
I’m a cruchy, tree hugging mom as well. But you need to remember that not everyone lives that way and you can’t force your ideas onto anyone else.
Pack the organic stuff, but leave it at that. As long as they don’t really have allergies, one weekend isn’t going to hurt anyone.
If you have a huge problem with the fact that they kids will get spoiled and will possibly be exposed to less-green products, well, nix your weekend without them and keep them home with you. Yeah, didn’t think so.
Take a deep breath and enjoy your kid-free weekend – they’ll be fine 
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Comment by Wendi.
Lots of good advice here.
And I would drink Burt’s Baby Bath if I could, I love it so much.
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Comment by Shawnna.
We take the “What happens at Grandmas’ stays at Grandmas” approach. I know she is taking good care of him, watching out for his safety, attempting to keep him on a schedule. But I also know he’ll get popcicles before dinner and cookies before bed.
It is just for a weekend. Let it go.
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Comment by Formerly Gracie.
Maybe it’s because I find the smell of J&J intoxicating and delicious, but I think girlfriend is missing the point here.
YOU GET A WEEKEND AWAY!!!
Stop worrying about what shampoo the kids will be using… (Mostly likely, the in-laws will use what you brought because it’s easy and right there.)
… and enjoy your time with your hubby
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Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.
Oy. My daughter DOES have severe (food) allergies and my in laws STILL give her forbiden shit. I just can’t trust them with her, and that sucks. Fortunately, I’ve got a mom right around the corner!
Seriously, though, bringing it and requesting they use it is about as far as you need to go. A little bit of J&J one weekend isn’t going to give them leukemia.
Now, if they live under some serious powerlines, you may have a problem…
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Comment by The Laughing Idiot.
If it was me, when I dropped off the kids, I’d say, “Their soap, shampoo & sunscreen is right here.” and point it out.
How much further you take it is up to you, but a weekend alone with the hubby is worth letting it go.
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Comment by grandmother of 5.
Listen-more than likely your mother-in-law comes from the age of following the mosquito sprayer truck on her bike—–WHILE ITS SPRAYING!!!!!!!! A litle whining over shampoo will probably just piss her off!!!!—She might just give those little darlings RED Kool-Aid–with out water(OH MY!!!!) Let it go and be happy she is willing to be a grandmother that is willing to love her grandkids and give you 2 a break!!!!!Let her poison them a little with some old fashioned gramma love and love her for it!!!!!! Oh and count your blessings—-raising kids gets harder as the years roll on—she can be your best friend if you dont make an issue out of this!!!!
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Comment by Beth.
Free babysitting. For a weekend. You can request they use the organic stuff, but in the long run, one weekend won’t hurt. Free babysitting…for a weekend, remember?
Cute tank
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Comment by sherpamama.
I am spending a few weeks with the grandparents right now and yes, I wish they would do certain things different (like, hello, there is a reason I keep saying we don’t watch much tv! It’s cuz my kids are heroin addicts when it comes to tv) but they only put on PBS (of course, my dad was a PBS station manger) and they love my kids to death. As opposed to my mother and her side of the family who didn’t even call my 3 year old this weekend for her birthday, never mind get a present in the mail on time! Enjoy having family that is there for you and don’t sweat the small stuff!
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Comment by Ann.
I feel very accomplished as I just came to this giveaway via twitter.
That said, go ahead and bathe my children in lye if you will take them for the weekend. (instead of LOL or 
I’m going to go retro with Just Kidding and No Offense)
CUTE TANK!
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Comment by Flo Mo Nana.
I so agree with Grandmother of 5…. I was from that bike following the mosquito spraying truck too… Of course our Mom’s or Grand-mom’s didn’t know we were doing that… We were just kids being kids out having an innocent time… That wasn’t good for us we know and we most certainly wouldn’t let out Grand kids par take in such stuff… Heck we won’t even let our Grand kids go out on a bike ride with out our being right next to them… I’m sure these grandparents would not intentionally harm their grandchildren… we just don’t see the harm in a little freedom from all the rules and organic strickness… ( my adult children are slowly winning me over to their thinking… organic products, raw foodist vegans… can’t quite get to the vegan thing… and I am sure these in-laws can eventually be won over too… but then again maybe not…. ) So go and enjoy your weekend and let your kids enjoy theirs… There is nothing better than getting to be at Nana and Poppy’s house… It is the special memories that your kids will cherish… My adult children are the best… They let me have my little ones every weekend for at least one night and sometimes two… They know I try to follow their rules, but they know I don’t always follow as closely as they do…
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Comment by Flo Mo Nana.
This is and excerpt came from an article on Grandparents.com It just re-iterates what I was saying about how special it is for kids to get to spend time with their Grandparents.
When I was a little girl, my grandmother — known to everyone as “Gaga” — was an enchanting combination of Auntie Mame and my favorite teenage babysitter. She was loads of fun, full of life, and way more exciting than my parents. Gaga’s house offered simple pleasures and adventure, whether it was rummaging through her costume jewelry, playing in the trash chute outside her apartment, or snuggling beside her with a forbidden Coke while we watched Ed Sullivan.
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Comment by pyewacket.
Organic schmorganic… enjoy a child-free furlough, er I mean weekend!
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Comment by all jacked up with horses.
I am 40 years old and still have a Grandpa and Grandma living and very active in my life. The have had a huge impact in my life! I can’t imagine what life is going to be like without them!! I know as a parent it can be hard to turn over the control of you kids, but if you don’t they will miss one of the greatest blessings in their life! I have dealt with a mother-in-law who “broke the rules” with my kids and I had to learn to let go. Now that she has passed away I am sad for my kids. She was a great grandma! Let your kids enjoy their grandparents, support the relationship they have with them (unless it is abusive of course), and learn to let go of the control. This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn as a young mom. But once I did what a difference it made. When you drop off the kids remember that she raised your husband and he turned out okay. Enjoy the opportunity to spend time with the love of your life!!!
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Comment by Kate.
Wait. I have an 11 week old and use J & J. Now I am having a neurotic, panicky, um, what SHOULD I be bathing him in moment? Am I harming him? Help!
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Comment by mom, again.
no, there’s no point lying and saying they have an allergy. When they use the J&J anyway and there’s no reaction, you will lose all credibility. You’ll become the hysterically over protective daughter in law, whose demands can be ignored.
Exactly which chemicals do you have issues with? The scariest in the bunch will be the sun-block. And I’d put money on the UV blocking chemical being the same, no matter which organic oils and scents it’s packaged with.
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